Brent is...

Spring is here although we keep getting snowfall as someone neglected to notify the weather that it' is SPRING.

Spring always makes me think of Brent - it's probably our favorite time of the year. Brent broke out the tiller and went all "blitzkreig" on the front flower beds yesterday. He's an expensive tiller, as some plants that I thought we were keeping inevitably fall victims to the front lines of Brent's war on untilled earth.

I don't write much about my husband, so I thought today was a good time to start.

Brent is....

....patient. He doesn't complain much about anything - EVER. When Brent says he needs to go to a doctor, you know he is probably close to death. But I'm not sure if that's the "not a complainer" part of him or the "hates the phone" part of him or the "this too shall pass" part of him.


...a kid magnet. Children - even total strangers' children - seem to be able to sense that Brent's heart is a large as his stature. They start climbing on him within minutes and he's more than happy to oblige. A week or so ago he spent a couple of hours out in the yard swinging around the little neighbor kids. I've heard about that from several moms. They love that their kids love and feel safe with Brent and that Brent loves their kids. He's always overly enthusiastic about playing with the kids. The last few times he's done this he's actually injured his neck - he has some permanent damage in there from something previously and it always flares up wickedly when he goes into "human junglegym-mode" but he always does it anyway. Our nieces love him
- our nephews were too grown up for that sort of thing by the time they joined our family.


...good for snuggling. There's something about his 6'4" frame that is just cozy. And if you don't believe me, ask my nieces.


This is a picture of Brent with one of our youngest nieces at my brother's wedding a few months ago. You can tell that a) they're both content, b) they've done this before and c) they stayed in this position for quite sometime.


...talented. He's got a vision for how he wants things to be in the house, the talent to "make it so" and the work ethic to complete it. He's made things like this:
in our backyard. The design for the arbor is all him - he dreamed it up, figured out how to make it work, and pretty much installed it while he had some time off from work. I came home and went, "Oh! We have a pretty arbor!" Same thing with the waterfall (pondless = childsafe). There are tiers and steps around it, all sorts of plants and trees - we have a beautiful yard. He designs it, plants and I weed it. That's the arrangement. And if you think I've got the short end of that stick, it's because you've never tried to plant a tree with a 300 lb root ball. THAT wasn't fun!


... a master chef and grillman. He has a reputation amongst our friends and neighbors for his cooking. When Brent touches something, it becomes greater than it thought it could be. No plain, ol' pancakes on his watch! No, they'll be cinnamon pecan pancakes. Or Mango pancakes. Not just plain chicken. It's cranberry almond chicken. He also makes artisan European hearth breads. He was a bread baker when we first met. And you haven't lived until you've had what the man can do to a tri-tip steak, grilled pears, or tilapia.


... a hard worker. He's done tile in half our family members homes or former homes. He helps with yards and moving and hardwood floors.


... organized. I needed him for that quality alone.


...a sports man. Loves golf, basketball, watching football and has even tried his hand a field hockey. We keep meaning to take up fencing but one or the other of us keeps getting injured, sick, hospitalized or sent on long business trips.


...quiet. He's tempered me over the years. I'm not sure how we met sometimes. But at least he asked and I said yes.


...loyal. Brent is fiercely loyal. He's also terribly reserved. Just because he won't pick up the phone doesn't mean he isn't aware and concerned and thinking about you.

He's going to be a great dad and I'm excited to see him in Haiti with Malot.

Brent is also interviewing tomorrow for a job that we're really, really, really interested in and one where he could really do well. Prayers, please!

More Malot

Someone with our agency put this little page together for us.

I just love the picture on the right where he's smiling to himself (at least you can't see his whole face). He has some medicine on his ear, so that's what the white stuff is. And, our friend who was in Haiti with us had some info for us when she found out we were getting Malot. She said that Malot was one of her favorites in the orphanage and that he was one of the nicest boys there and was smiling the whole time. I guess that's the international adoption equivalent of a good parent-teacher conference where you find out your child is exceptionally bright and clever! He seems to be a very happy little boy. We're looking forward to getting more information on him and definitely looking forward to our June visit.

A shout out to MRO - I think what you're doing is very brave and I'm proud of you for taking control of your life, no matter what the comments might be. Know you're loved!

And finally, I started a new medication today - the only one the FDA has officially approved for my condition. There are points in your life when you've had it with medication and there are points in your life where you plead for something to take the physical pain away or at least take the edge off. Here's to hoping that this helps over the coming weeks as it builds up.

It's A Boy!

We have a son! We're not giving up on Lexi and Nathan, but if we don't move forward we'll lose what we've done to this point. We're authorized with the government for multiple children, but we're just going to get one for now just in case things change with Lexi and Nathan. It's been over a month now and the orphanage hasn't heard any further update on them or heard from Bernadette.


All we know about Malot (pronounced 'ma-LOW') right now is that he's 3. And he has a wonderful smile and he likes to play with cars.


We'll get to meet him the first part of June when we go to Haiti again.

Pray for Sadie

Those of you who have been reading this for a bit know who Kohl is. Sadie is his little cousin.

She just turned five. This info is from the blog her parents are writing about her;

We received the heartbreaking news on Monday, March 3, that our sweet Sadie has brain cancer. In just this last week she had been complaining of headaches here and there, and would hold her neck when she would have these headaches. This "headache" would only last for seconds, but was enough to catch our attention. We had also noticed some changes in her speech and her balance when she walked. It seemed more pronounced over the weekend, so we took her to the doctor that Monday. After some different questions and checks, he ordered a CT scan of her brain/spine at Primary Childrens. We
headed up there, she did the scan, and they found a mass on her brain.

Later that night they did an MRI for more details, and through this test it was concluded she has what is called a high grade glioma tumor on her brain stem. Because of the sensitivity of the area, (the brain stem controls functions like mobility, speech, vision, respiratory, etc), and as the tumor has intertwined itself to the brain stem, surgery isn't an
option, and getting a biopsy to find out more about the tumor isn't an option.

They concluded it was malignant as one portion of the tumor seems to be moving more aggressively, and tissue around this area shows dead spots (called necrosis). So she has most likely has the tumor for awhile, but only now is having symptoms as a part of it has become more aggressive.

You can keep an eye on Sadie's progress here

Un-FORTUNE-ate

For some reason these delight me. I didn't collect these fortune cookie fortunes but that doesn't stop me from providing commentary.

You are getting very sleepy... You want to call a travel agent... You want to upgrade to first class...

They're rare migratory rubber bands, returning to their nesting grounds in the desk drawer...

Oh, now you're just toying with me....

Can I have this cake AND eat it too?

Does that mean the restaurant messed up our orders?

That's a relief. I've been so worried about whether my roses were reaching their potential...

The possibilities are endless, but I'm going to say "puppet strings", for $500, Alex.

(Disclaimer: I say that only because it's funny, not because I actually believe it. My husband is much more capable than I am in most areas.)

I've always been a slow haster... I just can't help it. It's hereditary on my father's side.

Mint circles??? What the...

And here I thought the moonlight was just naturally prompt..

This day just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it!!

Oh, good, because I was just thinking about my thoughts and wondered if I was feeling my feelings....

Dang it! Now what do I do??

Let this be a warning to you, kids... Confucius and M.C. Hammer should not hang out together, no matter what you've been told!

Great! There go my plans for the day! Tomorrow is another day! What about kissing on the trunk? Is that permissible?

I'm batting 1000 today... My height is tall, my awareness is aware, my sensitivities are sensitive. It's a good day to be me!

Am I the only one blushing here? Isn't that kinda of personal??

Now I have to add "sparking eyeballs" to my list of "Things that May Cause Spontaneous Combustion"! Great! Stop, drop and roll, people... Stop, drop and roll...

Did he now.... did he really say that?

And YOU are Captain Obvious! Congratulations!

Al-Mormon

in case the above doesn't work - use this link

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4qw7ezm2IA8

All in the Family...

Brent's dad is down with not one, not two, but THREE kidney stones right now. Gary is one of those people who is very disciplined with what he eats. He's had stones before and therefore has sworn off milk, carbonation - anything that might possibly contribute to kidney stones.

Both of Brent's parents get kidney stones. Brent isn't a carbonation person either - kidney stones cured him of any love of soda. However, something your body is going to do what it's going to do. Genetically, his kidneys have a plan of their own that is completely independent of anything that he might try to lead them to do or not do. Sometimes things just happen to you genetically and there's not much you can do about it.

That is one interesting thing about adopting... our "known" family issues won't be there. Instead we have unknown families with unknown issues contributing to the health of our little ones.

It must be weird (and I know some of you can share experiences of this) to fill out those forms when you go to a new doctor and not be able to give any family history. Feel free to share in the comments if you'd like.

My friend Melissa could use some prayers. On the 26th of this month it will be exactly two years since they started the process to bring home Luc and Olyvia from Haiti. One thing after another has happened and they still aren't home yet. Now everything is done except the US government employee working in the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince signing off for their visa appointment. Apparently this woman is enjoying her power and is causing all sorts of drama. Add to that the Embassy is closing from the 1st of April to the 2nd week in May to relocate and we find that one person has a lot of power over the hearts and lives of others right now. Apparently several US Senators have been on her about what she's doing and it still hasn't changed her behavior. We could use some heart softening for Miss Embassy Lady.

We hope Luc and Lyvi can come home soon!

Stuff

I've decided that there's a complete conspiracy around color photocopies. I needed to make a bunch of copies for a Young Women's Activity. When the girl at the copy center told me it would be $.60/page for single-sided color copies and $1.09/page for double-sided copies, I think I stopped breathing momentarily. When you compare that to $.06/page for black and white copies... it's completely mind-boggling.

Brent's last day of work is this Friday. We're still trying to figure out what we're going to be doing.

Still no word on Lexi and Nathan.

And finally, a ginormous THANK YOU to Brent's sister and brother-in-law. They gave us skymiles which allowed us to book tickets to Haiti in June. June 8th we leave. We don't know which children we'll be matched with by that point, but we're trying to move forward in faith that the right thing will work out.

Advice and Lyrics

I found an email I saved with some advice from my friend Clarissa. It was in response to a different issue, but the concept applies now as well:

I think this is where you have to leave it to the Lord for right now. I
dont see how you are able to do anything, other than pray, that would be helpful.

And then I heard some lyrics to a contemporary song that struck me...

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes... - Aqualung

We Don't Realize How Blessed We Are...

New Kids on the Block??

I'm hearing snippets that Harry is preparing a referral for us. I gather that there's another sibling group that's been at the orphanage for just a couple of weeks and that he's trying to make sure everything is done and clear before he sends us the referral.

On the one side, I'm grateful that Harry's looking out for us and that, even though what Bernadette did is very rare, he's still trying to make sure we don't have to go through that again.

From another angle, getting accepting another referral would be giving up on Lexi and Nathan. But how long do we wait for something that may never happen? Again, Bernadette is the one with the control here. There's nothing we can do to sway or influence this at all.

There's some level of all of this that makes me feel like..... it's like you lost your favorite salt and pepper shakers, so you contact the store where you bought them and they agree to just look around in the back and see if they can find a comparable set.

My feelings may entirely change when we get the referral. Or maybe Bernadette will change her mind before that happens.

I had a church activity tonight with a bunch of the women that I hadn't talked to in awhile. And unfortunately I had to explain a few times that we've lost our children. "AGAIN?" was the common stunned response. They watched us go through having Asnica's adoption fall through a few years ago. With Lexi and Nathan...I know in many ways the ward felt like they were their children, too- they gathered hundreds of pounds of donations that we took with us in January. Lots of tears. I thought was to the point where I could talk about it in public, but I guess not.

Again, thank you to the friends and family who are supporting us in this time. I've had some very sweet conversations with dear friends that just wanted us to know that we're in their prayers. And that means so much.

I was told a long time ago (and I believe it), "Some days, your family will be praying for you and as a result, you will succeed." I'm quite positive we've been carried by prayers through the darkest of the days we've had. Thank you for sharing your faith and love.

BobbyJones

Puppy's name is BobbyJones, I guess. Robert Tyre Jones is Brent's favorite golfer - he was quite a gentleman and an all-around good man. Bobby Jones won all 4 of golf's majors in 1930.

He's such a sweet little puppy - he rarely makes a peep unless Brent leaves the room and then he whines and cries. He's definitely Brent's dog which pleases Brent to no end.

Divot ADORES his new friend, particularly now that BobbyJones is a bit older doesn't trip over his own feet every time he tries to run somewhere. They run around the house like crazy.

And just for kicks, here's a picture of Divot when he was a baby.



We're trying to make arrangements for a trip to Haiti in June. We haven't heard anything further on the children. Brent's hopeful that she'll get to a point where she realizes that she can't do it anymore and take them somewhere in Haiti and that we'll find out about it. I just really feel like we have to book this flight to show the Lord and ourselves that we haven't given up.

We're also at the point where Brent is wrapping up his last couple of weeks of employment and we're wondering what we're going to do next. He's also enrolled at Utah State University and is investigating pursuing a Masters in Landscape Architecture. We're kind of in limbo and lost/stuck all over the place right now.

Lead, Kindly Light!

Brat Fit

Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a
stone?
Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If ye then,
being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall
your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Matthew 7:9-11

THIS sums up what's so difficult about what we're going through. We know what we want. We've met and loved and held Lexi and Nathan. These are good things to want. These are righteous desires. Yet, sometimes we are told "no" because there is a bigger, though currently unseen, picture.

All we can imagine is Lexi and Nathan. They are all we've ever wanted, really. How could anything possibly be better for us than that happy, giggling, gleeful boy and that beautiful, sweet, tender little girl?

That doesn't mean that there isn't something better than we can imagine in store for us. But our experience of 10 years of childlessness and trials and feeling spiritually "bricked in" at times (like your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling) make it nearly impossible for us "deal".

People say that God doesn't give us more than we can bear. Perhaps He actually gives us EXACTLY more than we can bear so that we'll remember to lean on Him- to kneel so we can stand with Him.

I guess I'm having a tantrum, wanting what I want and "knowing" that only that will make us happy. I'm still OK with tantrums. We have to feel and we have to experience. That's also part of what it's all about.

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

I heard someone speak today about trials. His mother died of complications from a liver transplant when he was 15. He made a comment while he was telling about the process they went through when his mom was trying to get a liver transplant that really struck me. He said they weren't religious at all, but you still get brought to prayer in a situation like that. But, at the same time, what is it you're praying for? It's not like you can in good conscience get on your knees and say, 'Dear God, please kill someone today so that I can get a new liver and live."

I kind of feel similar about our current situation (although neither of us has to physically die). Can I blame Bernadette for wanting to be the mom to her children? For heaven's sake - I want to be the mom to her children! We're much more similar than it might appear. I guess, in a way, we're each "the other woman" to the other. The one true threat. The one that makes you feel like less of a woman because she takes away your children. Bernadette is the only one with control in this situation, and yet ironically, she's the one that has the fewest options afforded her as far as what she's going to do with her own life. I don't know that she ever got to decide "what she wanted to be when she grew up." I would never want to live in Haiti and I'm forever grateful that I was born in America.

How do you have faith and move forward in this situation? Faith doesn't mean that we don't feel. Feelings are relative. We have good days (or weeks) and bad ones. I think we're supposed to grieve. It doesn't mean I don't have faith because I'm human and feeling. Faith does mean that I believe that somehow this will all work out. Whether or not that means that Lexi and Nathan are ever ours again - I don't know. There will be some sort of resolution at some point.

The only way I can think of to "have faith and move forward" is to book tickets for the trip in June and trust that by then, we'll have OUR children - whomever they may be.



We're grieving. We're also Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying.

Gloria Gaynor, Where Are You When I Need You?

I might have to make "I Will Survive" my ringtone. I need some reminders.

We got word yesterday that SUDDENLY Lexi has a father in the picture again. When we were in Haiti, her father was listed as unknown.

He apparently, is in favor of Lexi being adopted, but not of her being in an orphanage. Unfortunately, in Haiti, you can't exactly have one without the other. If you don't have a steady home or even a telephone, there's no way for the adoption process to move forward.

I think I'd become fairly adept at dealing with infertility. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Many people have said, 'Maybe you were only supposed to be in their lives to help Lexi when she was so sick." I'm not OK with that and I'm not sure how to resolve myself with that. Does emotionally crawling on your hands and knees still count as bearing your burdens? It seems like the only way this burden could "be made LIGHT" is to quit caring about the situation.

The strange thing about being a parent in Haiti for week – I'm not sure we were prepared for the JOY we had. It seemed like there was a purpose to all the STUFF in life and that we could do this. That's really the first time I think either of us have felt anything close to that type of joy.

If it were my brother beating on me, I'd just cry "Uncle" and he'd leave me alone. Can't figure this one out.

Social Whiplash....

Some people are amazing. And then there are those that you just wonder about.

For those of you that don't personally know me, I'm 6' tall, size 11 shoe, pretty thin. Years ago, I was working in the physical therapy department of our local hospital. I worked in the spine treatment center, specifically. One day, I had a patient on the treadmill and as I walked over to check on her she said (in a snarky tone), "So, how BIG are your feet anyway??"

I'm not sure how one is supposed to respond to that. "Big enough, thank you very much for asking!"

This sort of thing - random comments from strangers - happens quite often in the world of "international adoptive families". When your family looks like a mini-United Nations, people are naturally curious. But sometimes, their questions are enough to give you social whiplash.

Take some friends of mine - they are both Causcasian and have two Haitian children. Noelle said that she'd be somewhere like the parking lot of the grocery story and notice someone staring at her and her children. As she'd pass them, they'd invariably yell something like 'Is your husband black?" And Noelle being Noelle would say, "No... is yours??"

But the one that takes the cake just happened yesterday to a friend of mine. This friend has a son who is about 6 or 7 and they're adopting a boy and a girl from Haiti. They've been to visit them twice and her son is thrilled about his new brother and sister (who only need a visa appointment before they can come home! Pray that the appointment is scheduled soon!!) Yesterday she had an appointment with a specialist that she sees about once per year. During the appointment, the doctor asked rather rudely if her biological son "even knew" that the children they were adopting were black.

Hmmm....


Seriously, what did she expect my friend to say?? "Are you kidding me?? When did Haitians get dark skin? This changes EVERYTHING! Thank you, Doctor!!"

So, what's your favorite social whiplash story?? Do tell...

It's Been Two Weeks Today...

We still haven't heard anything further on the kids.

I wonder all the time if Bernadette is able to feed them. If they're healthy. If they have a place to sleep (a lot of the women the orphanages deal with are homeless, from what we're told).

I keep hearing there are wonderful people out there who are praying for our little family. I know there are people who check every day hoping for some sort of update or news. Thank you for your support. It's amazing what a small world the internet has created. I see that there are people in Brazil reading my little blog, as well as my dear friends from my old work located in Taiwan, the Netherlands, France, and Ireland. I love that little map at the bottom of my blog that shows me where our readers are located.

My best friend was telling me tonight that she's often tempted to hop a plane to Haiti and try to find Bernadette herself. Thanks, T. :)

I wish I had happy news.

We haven't heard anything further on whether Harry was able to get the letter to Bernadette. I find myself wondering often if Lexi will recognize herself in the pictures we sent - or if she remembers us. That whole week may well seem like a fuzzy dream to her - she was so sick.

The agency is going to Haiti again in June. We've told them we want to be on that trip. It will be interesting to see how this one turns out.

I realize that in the big picture, all of this is just a blip.... a tiny moment. For me, right now, it seems like a self-contained eternity.

Brent's been amazing. He always takes such good care of me. He's very patient and is good to let me lean on him. I know this is terribly hard for him. I wish you could have seen him when we first met Nathan. I think back on what he told Nathan that last night in Haiti - "Daddy's going to miss you something terrible, Little Man. You're definitely someone special."

At some point, I'll be able to view this with hindsight and I'm sure it will be a lot clearer. In the meantime, thank you for your prayers, hope, kind thoughts, and support. There may yet be a miracle in all this somewhere.

GROSS National Product

Mr. Pee-body (not his real name, but everyone uses aliases on blogs, right?) has single-handedly turned our house into the largest single consumer of paper towels in the Western Hemisphere. I mentioned that he seems to be able to convert water from thin air. He could be in the middle of the Mojave-freakin' desert and that pooch would still find a way to pee a river!

I bring all this up because when we returned home today and there SEVERAL messes to cleanup, Brent picked up Puppy and said in a cute "talking to puppy" voice, 'I'd strangle you if you weren't so cute!" (Puppy has his own "Gross National Product" with emphasis on the GROSS)

He is getting the general idea that the dog door is really a portal to the magical kingdom that is the out of doors. He still doesn't really "grasp" the concept, but he has used it successfully several times today (although I'm quite sure that sometimes he is as surprised that he made it through the doggie door as we are).

Brent also built what I can only call a "contraption" this afternoon that will successfully bar the doggies into one corner of the kitchen (where their food/water/doggie door are). When I say "built", I mean "used the nail gun and wood to build a wall-thing and only told me afterward that he's actually NAILED it to the kitchen floor".

Puppy is very sweet, cute and quiet. For those of you unfamiliar with the breed - whippets CAN bark... they just DON'T bark. And he's growing. He's already standing a bit taller than Divot, all though Divot still kicks his proverbial and literal tail in their little wrestling matches.

And finally, the poor pooch is still nameless. We've had a stellar turnout on the voting on the blog all though some people (I'd tell you it was my Uncle John, but then you'd all know he cheated) have found ways to vote multiple times for their favorite. He has several nicknames: Little One and Puppy are the most common. He still doesn't realize that any of the noises coming out of our mouths have much to do with him. I guess "Sit" is the exception and he's pretty stellar with that one.

But back to the NameGate 2008... with Divot people either have no idea what a "divot" is, or they are so completely unfamiliar with the word that they make it match the closest thing they do know. People think we've named him "David" for example, and then we get to hear about how that's their brother's name and it's awkward for all when we have to tell them that, "no, in fact the dog isn't named after your brother, but thank you for asking."

Chaucer - which was on of my favorites, failed on the "holler test". It's just to NICE of a name to be used to yell down the street when my pet has gone wayward. plus it makes me break out.... into a lousy British accent which I think is more confusing for the little chap.

Bogey is the leader at this point, but Brent has now found fault with it. I'm not sure what his woes encompass.

So we're back to Me not caring any longer and Brent wanting to call him DUCK. I think that sums it up.

Thoughts on Duck, my dear readers>>>>>>

Sweet Baby Abbie

Abigail Paige is being blessed tomorrow. She's such a pretty little girl. And, because she's related to my family, she's long and skinny. Look at those fingers! I mean - SERIOUSLY. She has a matching set of toes. Maybe we could get her playing the piano very soon. :)

I'm excited for her parents as well. They've done really well adapting to "new baby". I know Marshell is stressed because her maternity leave is over as of Monday. She has to go back to work, teaching elementary school.

It's also always good to be with my family. The in-laws that have married my siblings are just like siblings to me - except we never got each other grounded.

I also have a little present for my one and only baby sister that I'm quite excited about. I ordered it and waited and waited and it finally came. I'll have to post a picture of it after she gets it.

Bandages off...

I took off the steri-strips today. I'm two-weeks post-op now and things are healing well. I've probably overdone it today, but hopefully it will all work out.

I don't go back to the doctor until the end of the month for my post-op follow-up. He'll have biopsy results then on the cysts that were sent in for testing.

The scar's gonna be "weak" according to the Brent Scar Scale. It gets good points for its length ("distance" as he put it), but it loses points for being too clean and straight. He says if the doctor would have used a rusty nail instead of a scalpel, then the scar would have character.... (apparently the fact that I'd also have tetnus and gangrene and some other stuff doesn't have a negative impact on this Scar Scale)

I think I like "weak scars" if those are my options

It's a Small World After All...

I went to get my hair done this afternoon from the same place I've gone for years. I walked in and there was a woman there just finishing up with another stylist. I said, "Your last name is Beckstrand, isn't it!"

It was so exciting for me. This woman lived in Florida when I was a missionary 14 years ago. Her family moved out here at some point and she's been going to the same salon for years as well. We've never run into each other until today.



She and her family are LDS and they took very good care of the missionaries. At one point, my companion got very ill and the doctor wanted her on a special diet. Missionaries have a very limited budget to live on, so we were concerned about how we were going to get these special foods for her. Sister Beckstrand just showed up with hundreds of dollars of food for her - as soon as she caught wind that there was a need - she went into action.

She shared with me her current family picture. The little girl that was 4 when I was there is going to college in a few months! Her daughters have grown into beautiful women and she has a gorgeous brood of grandchildren.

It was nice to remember what their family had done for me, personally, as well as the example that they set for those around them. You never know how something you do with impact or touch someone else's life.

Many hands make light work!

I had the opportunity to help some dear neighbors prune their orchard this morning. The ward (That's what we call a "congregation", for my non-LDS friends) went over this morning and took care of their trees. They're just the sweetest people, but they're getting up in age and Lamar's had his hip replaced and Jeanette is on chemo right now - it's just been a rough time for them.

It's fun to do something like that in a large group. Everyone has an opinion on how they've "always done it" and obviously, there are a variety of methods that work as trees in pruned orchards have been thriving for centuries! Allicen and I just found our own trees a bit away from the Great Pruning Debate and went to town. It always feels good to see the progress with something like that. Quite a few families came and brought their children. The kids had a great time dragging the pruned branches down the rows to a central spot.

When we're helping others, we're happier. It was a nice morning.

SpecTACKular

Brent and I agree on most things. The exceptions tend to be things like Alison Krauss … and Hawaiian shirts. I don't care for either one.

There's something about Hawaiian shirts that just buries the needle in my "tacky-o-meter". Don't get me wrong. There are times and places for most things. Hawaiian shirts are fine – if you're Hawkeye Pierce. If you're not physically "wasting away in Margaritaville" you shouldn't wear Hawaiian shirts. And oh, wait… we don't drink so Brent will never be in that situation.

Maybe it's because he's colorblind. He tends to like things with high visual-contrast because he doesn't see colors the same way most people do. He likes inlaid wood designs with light and dark woods. He likes to paint the walls in our house different colors.

But I've got to draw the line at Hawaiian shirts.

Spackle

There's really no point to the title, other than that I enjoy the sound of that word.

WIAA confirmed that Harry got the letter and pictures we sent. Harry has promised to do his best to find Bernadette and deliver them. I've given myself a "goal" that we'll wait until Harry has confirmed he found Bernadette and delivered our letter and pictures and then give Bernadette a week before I completely despair.

Harry also spoke to the other orphanage directors in the area and let them know the situation. Hopefully if Bernadette takes them somewhere else, we'll still hear about it.

We did ask WIAA for some additional referrals of children from Nadia's orphanage. I think we just needed to see how things felt. There are some boys that Brent can't get out of his head. We'll see what happens. We're both still feeling like somehow someday things will work out with Lexi and Nathan. Maybe we'll have another little boy as well.

Ours is not to question why, I guess.

And Now for Something Completely Different...

Status

I woke up yesterday singing Lexi's Lullaby. My heart hurts.

But, let's distract ourselves, shall we?

My friend, who we'll call "R.M." to protect his box from receiving from loads of "over the hill" cards (those are his initials, not his missionary status) sent me an email yesterday. He says he's flying his kids and grandkids up for his 50th birthday.

His adult daughter (who is proportedly very excited about the upcoming party) said, "Dad, can I cry at your birthday?" He said, "Um....Sure, punkin... why??" and she said, "'Cause you'll be that much closer to DYING!"


And on the puppy front, he somehow managed to get himself UNDERNEATH the old cedar chest in the front room. I couldn't pull him back out through this gap, so I'm not sure how he got IN through it. Bless his paws... :)


Still hoping for a miracle. Thanks for your prayers.

Thank You

We're very grateful for all the prayers, emails and kind words we've been given this week. It's comforting to know that other people are thinking about our little family and have also been touched by our children in Haiti.

As I told a friend this week: It’s been rough. It’s like the one side of your head knows that the Lord never cheats anyone and that this will work out and we have to keep moving forward. And the other side of your head (and a bigger part of your heart) just wants to pull the covers over your head and stay there wondering WHYWHYWHY and it remembers all the other times that you’ve been hurt and wants to quit trying so there will be no more hurting.

Those children changed our lives. They changed us as people. They changed our marriage. And quite frankly, a lot of it had to do with Nathan’s joyfulness and Lexi’s illness. Two other children couldn’t have done this for us. But the WAYS we were changed hinged on them coming with us at some point. And now we’re feeling lost. Like a screen door banging in the wind, we’re moving, but there’s no real point to the movement. Yet, you keep getting up - One day at a time - and try to remember the small thoughts from the faithful side. "TheLordNeverCheatsAnyone. TheLordNeverCheatsAnyone.”

Thank you for sharing your strength with us at this time when we need it. We are grateful for to be blessed with such caring friends, neighbors, and family.

Therapy

Some people are emotional eaters. We're apparently emotional dog buyers. There's a reason they use dogs for therapy.

We got our other dog, Divot, after our last adoption fell through at LITERALLY "the last minute" (30 minutes before we were supposed to pick up the little girl, the mom changed her mind). Apparently buying a dog is how we deal with losing our adoptive children. They definitely don't make Hallmark cards for this situation. And after this last week, we needed something good to happen.

We've been talking about getting another dog for awhile. It's not like this was a knee-jerk decision. Divot needs a friend and we are "dog people". So this week, on our anniversary, we got a puppy. He's a whippet (we love the breed - we had a whippet for years!) This little guy is 7 1/2 weeks old. His legs are gangly and all over the place. And he's very snuggly and cuddly.

He doesn't have a name yet. Please submit your suggestions in the comments.

Today I started calling him "Pee-body" and "Pee-Fest 3000" because he drinks 2 oz of fluid and pees out like 8 oz! It's like he can pull the oxygen from the air and convert it to pee or something!! :) (Brian says if we could just train him to pull oxygen from the air and convert it to a fossil fuel - THEN we'd be onto something!!)

Coping

Believe it or not, there have been entire years of our life together where nothing much has happened. We don't usually have this much drama.

Someone told me the other day that there was a point in the life of her family where they wondered what else they could possibly lose. They ended up moving across several states and things worked out in the end.

In the last few weeks we've found out that we're losing a job, I lost an ovary, and now we've lost our children.

It looks like Brent will be going back to school. It turns out that was a blessing and good timing for us after all.

When I finish healing, I'll feel a lot better with all these cysts removed - ovary or not. That is also a blessing.

I don't know how to reconcile Lexi and Nathan. It still feels like SOMEHOW this will work out and we'll end up with them.

We wrote a letter to their birth mom (Bernadette) and our agency is having it translated into French and Creole and they'll get it to the orphanage who will get it to Bernadette. We also sent a few of our favorite family photos. I don't know if it will make a difference. One of our case workers felt strongly prompted to have us write the letter and we certainly were willing to do so. I think that's all we can do.

And so... we wait. We distract ourselves. We keep getting up every day. And we keep thinking about them. Praying for them. Hoping. I don't think you can fill a hole the size of Lexi and Nathan without Lexi and Nathan.

A friend reminded me that when you can no longer see, faith is continuing to move forward and trusting that the light will move with you.

In the words of my one of my favorite hymns:

Fear not, I am with thee, oh be not dismayed

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee ov'rflow

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

Renmen ou, Lexi and Nathan. Come Home Soon.

Happy Anniversary...

Tomorrow is our 10th wedding anniversary. It's ironic because the last adoption we had disrupt happened about on my birthday in 2006. Maybe I should stick to dogs.

We just can't imagine these two not being our children. I can't say that I blame their mother - I wanted to take them home as well! They're beautiful children and I don't know how you can be with them and not be in love with them.

We're hoping for a miracle. Maybe she'll realize it was a mistake, and that she can't care for them and she'll give them up again. Lexi and Nathan have a half-sibling in France that was adopted previously, so she's been through this before. I don't know if that makes it better or worse for our case right now. We're also hoping that, if she does change her mind again, we'll find out about it so we can resume our adoption efforts. There are so many orphanages in Haiti...

I've been looking at pictures and videos all afternoon. It seems like this has to be a nightmare and that I'll be able to wake up sometime soon.

It finally seemed like everything was coming together for our little family. (well, besides, the kidney stones, cysts and layoff, that is).

About a year ago we decided we wanted to take a trip for our 10th anniversary. We started looking at different exotic locations. Then Lexi and Nathan happened and Haiti in January was our anniversary present. It was the best thing to ever happen to us. And I still hope we'll be able to somehow have Lexi and Nathan with us. Someway... Somehow...

Looks like we need another miracle.

LOST

We just found out that the birth mother came and took the kids back. We've lost our family, just like that.

She had gone into interview with USCIS and had signed their paperwork. They apparently asked for a DNA sample as they had some reason to question whether she was actually their mother. We've been told before that USCIS really grills the birth parents - "You know you'll NEVER see these children again" kinda thing. I don't know if that's what changed her mind.

That night, after the orphanage director had gone home, she came back with a car and demanded the children back. The police got involved. Apparently it was quite a scene. At any rate, the orphanage was forced to give them back to her. She also asked the orphanage for money, which they refused. It doesn't bode well for the situation they're now in.

I can't feel like this is over. It seems like it was a rash decision on her part and that she's not any more able to care for them now than she was initially.

Prayers. Please. I don't know what else to do.

Family Fruitcakes

My creative sister-in-law made individual birthday cakes for all the family members that had birthdays in the last few weeks. I thought they were really fun. They are, clockwise from the top: Grandma, Brent (notice the PB cup goatee), E (with the braces) and Brian.

Shot in the Arm

The day before the surgery was kind of a rough one for me. We didn't know until the doctor arrived Thursday morning that he was doing the "big" surgery and cutting me open, so a lot of my stress was the unknown about what was actually going to happen on Thursday and what they were going to find.

I told Brent I was stressed and he said, 'Then you need to go out to the blog and watch the videos of Nathan. That will brighten any day!"

He's right. It does.

I have one last video of Nathan and thought I'd post it today - for mostly selfish reasons. I kinda overdid it yesterday and I'm suffering for it today.

This video was taken within 30 minutes of meeting Nathan. We're still at the orphanage, and we stepped outside to where it was more quiet so we could get some time with him.

I LOVE HIS EYEBROWS at the beginning of this. It's a sliver of insight into the personality in this little man. He's such a happy, content, dynamic little spirit.

In the Haitian culture, they don't cut a child's hair until they're a year old. Nathan has some random braids that the Aunties at the O have put in to try to control his mane. That's what you can see sticking out in places.

Enjoy! And I recommend a big dose of "Nathan" if you're ever having a bad day.

"...Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig..."

Back in my own bed and resting. The incision is about 5-6" long so my belly's pretty tender. I walk with the beautiful posture of the letter "C" ... or stork with intestinal problems... or something like that.

Brent's taking good care of me. Thank you for all the good wishes and kind thoughts.

We've also been notified that we won't be going to Haiti in April. They're trying to reschedule a trip before September. It's hard to miss this time with them, particularly while Nathan is at such a fun stage, but laws are what they are and we have to comply. As Brent said, "A Haitian hotel was bad enough... I don't need to see a Haitian Jail!"

"Oophorectomy. O-O-P-H-O-R-E-C-T-O-M-Y. Oophorectomy."

Yeah... I couldn't spell it either.

They deported the Beatles and sent one ovary with it. On one side, the cysts were removable without issue. On the other side they had adhered themselves to the ovary like a bad wig on Britney Spears, so that one had to be removed.

Overnight in the hospital - I think I get to go home tomorrow.

Of Cysts and Surgeries

So I had my pre-op visit with the MD today. They'll plan on going in with the scope to remove all the cysts, but if they get in there and the cysts are too big to take out through scope then they'll put me under deeper and cut me open to get them out. The latter option will require a couple of nights in the hospital.

The human body is fascinating. It can also be disgusting. They're not sure what type of cysts I have - although they do know they're different types of cysts on each side, based on the ultrasound. The one side may be what they call a dermoid cyst.

I also highly recommend that you never, never, never, never look up pictures of dermoid cysts on the internet. See, these are cysts that are made from the cells on the ovary that contribute hair, teeth and skin in an embryo. So that's what the cysts are filled with: hair or teeth or skin. Nasty to the infinite power.

Dr. Lind said he once removed two cysts from a woman that each had part of a mandible (jawbone) growing in them! Just these little cells in there, doing what they do best, which is dividing and creating whatever structure they were designed to create. ("Look, Ma! I'm a jawbone!!")

So, here's to hoping that they're all "scope-able" and that the "cysts of nastiness" are soon no longer invading my abdomen. It's time to deport the ovaric Beatles!

The Adventures of Sarcastic Checker Boy

It's a sad statement on our society today when anyone who buys more than one bottle of cold medicine is suspect to be running a meth lab.

I had some MD appointments today, so I ran to the Target between appointments. I picked up 2 bottles of 3 different types of infant and children's medicine to take to the orphanage the next time we go. I admit, six bottles is unusual.

The guy checking out my items sees the number of bottles and says, "Someone must be pretty sick, huh?"

I said, 'Actually, we're going to an orphanage in Haiti to visit the children we're adopting and we're taking some medicine to them."

He says (wait for it):

"RRIIIIGGGGHHHTT!" (picture the rolling eyes)
"An 'orphanage' in 'Haiti'...." (picture the finger air quotes)

That's right, folks. He's onto me. This whole "adopting kids" thing is really a front for the meth lab we're running in our basement. We've gone to great lengths to hide our activities from the authorities - even going so far as to have a homestudy, so that this all APPEARS normal. All that hard work down the drain.

("... and we would have got away with it too, if it hadn't have been for those pesky teenagers....")

Rosenlofs v. Haiti

It's really like a bad divorce, except Haiti has full-custody and we get them about 5 days per year. What's wrong with this picture?

Don't get me wrong. As a mother-country, Haiti's doing her best. And they're in a good home now with Nadia. I know she takes care of them and does her best. I would just like to think that we will be better.

And so, in a way, we're suing Haiti for full-custody of these children. And because the legal system is involved, we're in for a long, drawn out fight.

A friend of mine posted something on her blog that I'm going to paraphrase - as long as we've been in this adoption process, we've thought of them as OUR kids. The reality is, they aren't. Not yet.
"We can't MAKE them our kids...they just aren't. We can't wish them into being our kids, we can't love them into being our kids, we can't hope them into being our kids...we just have to wait to see if some random man in some random office DECIDES that they are our kids..."

Until then, I'll keep waking up with them on my mind and savor a few moments while I picture what it will be like to have them with me - here... in this house. I picture their rooms. Soccer games. Dance classes. Spelling bees. Fights. Temper Tantrums. Playing with the dog.

They ride along to work with me, filling my thoughts as I navigate the rush hour. And there's nothing I'd rather ponder on than them.

Come home soon, Alexis and Nathan. We love you. We miss you. Sleep well.

So the Rest of the Story Is...

THe last couple of weeks have had quite a variety of challenges in them. We found out that Brent is going to be laid off. It took them awhile to figure out that perhaps they'd jumped the gun on that so they asked him to stay on for 8 weeks to finish up a project and then he's laid off. He does get severance, though, so that will be nice. While we were in the middle of the political circus rings that cause activities like this, it was pretty frustrating. And it's been hard to watch Brent get tossed around by every wind that hits their SALES (department, that is).

We're looking at it as a blessing. He's looking into going back to school to get a degree in Landscape Architecture. USU has a sattelite program down here and it appears he can get it done that way. Brent's very talented and creative when it comes to designing things in his head. He's redone our yard more times than I can count. I think it would be a great fit for him. He also has had an interview for a job that may work out, even with this crazy extension they've asked from him.

And on my end, my appointment for the laparascopy so the MD can go in to observe my "ovaric Beatles" was moved up to next week. I have a pre-op visit with him on Tuesday so I'll get more information on what we're going to be doing about getting those Beatles deported. Should be a fun week!

Isn't She Lovely

When I was about 3, Stevie Wonder came out with a song called, "Isn't She Lovely?"

Isn't she lovely?
Isn't she wonderful?

My dad told me that Stevie Wonder wrote that song about me. And of course, I totally believed him.

I distinctly remember being in the family Pinto on many occassions and that song would come on the radio. Dad would say, "There's Lori's song!" and turn up the radio and we'd all sing along.

Isn't she lovely?
Isn't she wonderful?

I can still remember the woodpaneling on that vehicle. The way the plastic seats would stick to your legs in the summer. The two bucket seats in the back and the way the three of us (at the time) would argue over who had to sit on "the hump." (No seatbelt laws back then).

Sometime down the road I realized that I'd never and would never meet Stevie Wonder. Dad had lied, but convincingly. Or maybe it was just more important that his lie had told me that he loved me.

Years later, as a missionary away from home, I'd hear that song playing on the Musak over a store soundsystem and I'd miss my dad.

When my brother and his wife were married a few weeks ago, they had that song played at their wedding reception as the 2nd dance. It was a surprise for me. They'd done it so that I could dance with my dad to my song.

Isn't she lovely?
Isn't she wonderful?

Proud of Papa

My dad retired from the military today, after 37 years of service. He's been back full-time active-duty since 1985, but he's been in the military since 1970. Starting Monday, he won't have to choose from matching camoflauged suits for going into the office. I'm not sure if he'll know what to do with himself.

I had the opportunity to attend his retirement ceremony (held at "airplane on a stick" for those of you who are local and know where that building is), which was very nice. It was good to see him get some recognition for something to which he's devoted so much of his life.

I've always been very proud of my dad and of the service he's given our country. And for the dedication he's had to the other soliders he's served.

I've always fancied myself as from a "military family". My grandfather and my step-grandfather both fought in WWII. My mom's brother was killed in Viet Nam. My father served in Viet Nam (I was born approximately 10 months after he came home :)) It's a strong group of men (and the women who are married to them or love them are of the same stock, Mom).

Thank you for serving, Papa. Then and now. And thank you for teaching me what the words "courage, valor, honor, duty and service" really mean by the way you live your life.

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face…

Rachael asked me awhile ago to describe what it was like to see our kids for the first time.

It was like discovering oxygen. Breathing for the first time. Realizing you're finally home after a very long trip.

There were tears. Nathan cried because he was tired. And probably because he was surrounded by strange white people.

Brent and I cried to have a long dream finally realized. There's something about meeting the other half of your heart that causes words to fail.

They didn't bring Lexi back to the orphanage from the hospital until RIGHT when we were getting ready to leave to head back to the hotel. We didn't get any "moment we met each other" pictures with her. This is our first shot as a family, taken from the terribly cramped back of the modified VW van we used for transportation that week.

A Bird in the Hand... or Not!

HELLO to my friends, Rene and Jack in the Netherlands! It's nice to know you're still checking in!

I thought I'd share a picture given to me by my little neighbor boy, Jeff (who happens to have been adopted from Haiti). Jeff is 8. He drew this during sacrament meeting at church on Sunday and then gave it to me, since I was sitting closest.

As Jeff explained this, it's a picture of a chicken who was kicked out of an airplane by his fellow passengers. At first, Jeff drew the chicken being eaten by a shark, who was in turn eaten by a whale.


I've colorcoded these three below. Chicken = Red, Shark = Blue, Whale = Green
The kid's really got the whole "food-chain-circle-of-life" thing down!



Then he decided he didn't like that so he added a parachute to the chicken, and added some action lines to show him falling into a boat. Then he turned the paper over to show that, conveniently, ON the boat was a "FedAxeUPS" truck. He said the truck would take the chicken back to the farm. In this last picture you can just see the final falling motions from the parchuting daredevil, sky-diving, passenger-annoying, shark-avoiding chicken!

Whew! That's one lucky bird! Like 007 with feathers!

Dispatch: Zimbabwe

All over the world, people are starving, dying, alone. I appreciate it when people do their best to do something about it.

Dispatch is a rock group (and one of my favorites at that) from the 90's. The lead singer, Chad Urmston (the guy with the crazy red hair), spent some time in Zimbabwe in 1994. He was so struck by the poverty and the lack of education that he decided to do something about it.

He wrote a song, called "Elias", about a gardener he met while he was there. He was very impressed by this man, and his family. (The man has two sons, Honest and Manuel.) He wrote a song about Elias when he returned. One of my favorite lines reflects how wise he felt this man was: "Could you answer all the questions in the world in just one word? I think you could." It's a song about friendship, love and respect.

Dispatch started a charity called the Elias Fund. It sends children in Zimbabwe to college. The first recipient? Elias's son, Honest.

In 2007 (3 years after the band dissolved so they could pursue other things), Dispatch announced they would be doing a concert at Madison Square Garden in NYC with all the proceeds going directly to charities in the USA and Africa. They opened up ticket sales to only the members of their "MySpace" account. They sold out Madison Square Garden within 30 minutes of the tickets becoming available. They added two more concert dates, both of which also sold out.

This video shows them singing the song "Elias" at one of the Madison Square Garden concert nights. They are joined by the African Children's Choir, all of whom are children from extreme poverty and many of whom have lost at least one parent to AIDS.

I love to watch this video, not only to see the beautiful children, but also to watch the band's faces and see how much they're thoroughly enjoying singing with these kids. The children's faces and their beautiful voices bring tears to my eyes every time. You can also see their passion reflected in the crowd. The pictures that flash in the background are of people from Zimbabwe.

I'll include the lyrics below the video. The first few lines are in Shona, the native tongue in Zimbabwe. Those lines essentially say:

If I could meet my Jesus, I would be very happy with Him.
We would be happy with Him
Are you strong?
I'm strong if you're strong.


Dai Jesu achoinekwa, ndaizofara naye.
Taizofara naye.
Kwaziwai. Kwaziwai.
Makasimba here.
Ndakasimba kana makasimbawo.

You raise your head, you beat the sun
But your boys they lie so close to you
Do you dare get up and wake the two?

Oh Elias, I see you there, at work in the daytime.
Do you think you could answer
All the questions in the world in just one word?
I think you could.

(CHORUS)__
'Cause If you die will I get word that you're gone?
Or will I hear it in passing conversation?
Or will I stop short and fall to the ground?
Distance is short when your hand carries what your eye found.

Hold my hand just one more time,
to see if you're really gonna meet me.
Hold my hand just one more time,
to see if you're really gonna meet me.
__

Honest and Manuel, well you know,
they're at school now.
Given the chance that their father's never seen
To see whats beyond Section 17.
And in ten years, when you look back at your boys,
well you know they've grown way taller
than the tallest sugar cane in the field.

(CHORUS)

I see your wife.
She stands stooped over by the fire outside.
And I see your boys.
And when they look up,
you know i think they got their mother's eyes.
'Cause she looks so proud.
She looks so happy.
She looks so proud.
She looks so happy.

(CHORUS)

Hope For Little Angels of Haiti

I added a link on the side bar to Haitian Roots and to Wasatch International. I should have done that a long time ago.

Haitian Roots is the charity that our agency supports. They help Haitian children go to school. The best way to help Haiti's kids break the cycle their country has is to educate them and give them the skills they need to do better things. If you're interersted in helping, you can donate through their website.

Wasatch International is our adoption agency. We've been so impressed by the wonderful staff there and we really appreciate the time they take away from their own families to help the adoptive parents get to Haiti to visit their children.

They have programs in many countries and recently started doing domestic programs as well. They can also take donations for the orphanages they work with.

Hope For Little Angels of Haiti is the name of our orphanage. Nadia is the woman who owns the orphanage (orphanages are privately run in Haiti - no government programs). She does a great job. They recently moved to a new building (it's basically a house - and a nice one at that) so they have more space for the 45+ kids there. Most of the children there already have adoptive families and are just waiting for the governments to process the paperwork. (She works with France a lot).

This picture shows Nadia (in the turquiose shirt) and some of the staff and drivers that helped us get around and get all our luggage (stuffed with donations) from the airport to the hotel to the orphanage.

Uninvited Guests...

It's been a crazy week here. I'm not even allowed to mention everything that's going on at this point. And once you read this post, you'll wonder what the "other" stuff is if I CAN post THIS. :)

I found out this week that the Beatles have taken up residence on one of my ovaries. At least, it amuses me to think of it that way. I've got some cysts that they've been quazi-watching for the last several months and they've decided that I need to be scoped next month to check them out and see if they have unwholesome intentions with my organs.

They kinda look like grapes. and since this is a scan of a photocopy of an ultrasound, it's pretty grainy. That's a pretty sad pedigree for one little picture.

.

However, it occurred to me that this little foursome is also like my own little ovaric (made that word up, thank you very much) version of the Beatles:

Begone, foul fiends! I don't have time to deal with you!

And the funniest part??

The doctor said, 'You've been married for 10 years? Maybe if we get these taken care of we can see about helping you to become pregnant."

Um... Doc?

I don't think you understand. I'm so far BEYOND needing to push a child out of my own womb that I'm IN HAITI!!

Don't worry, Lexi and Nathan. You're still everything to us! Beatles or no Beatles!

Trip to Haiti April 9th. Approximately 61 days!

Brent's Fortune Tellers

Brent's getting quite a little collection of fortune cookie fortunes that seem appropriate. He's been taping them inside his wallet so he can be reminded.

From just before we got the referral for Lexi and Nathan:

"Children's laughter, so beautiful to hear, soon will be a chance to have them
very near."

From just days after we found out we were accepted to get Lexi and Nathan:

"A new chapter in your life is being written."

and then from Tuesday of this week....

"Your ability to love will help a child in need."

Singing By Myself

Nathan sings and coos and babbles all the time. Of course, as soon as we started filming him, he stops, but you get a glimpse of the happy, content little baby he is.

This is Nathan sitting on Daddy's lap while we're in the hotel room (you can see the American TV show in the background! We enjoy "Dirty Jobs" with Mike Rowe and the Discovery Channel in general.)

He has a little crooked smile toward the end (after Brent blows on him) that just turns me to a pile of goo every time I see it!

I'm also in love with his lips. :)




That's our boy!!

Spoken Like a True Middle Child...

A good friend sent me this story about her 8-year old niece, Jill:

Yesterday Jill was coloring in a coloring book. When she was done with her page she brought it in to show Jamie and me. The picture was of a bear sitting at a table with a bowl sitting in front of him on the table. She colored the shirt on the bear green. The bowl was yellow and green and she also had accented several other parts of the picture with green.

So anyway she shows us the picture and says, "Can you guys guess what the bear's favorite color is?"

Jamie and I both look at the picture and say, "Ummm, green?"

She says, "Nope! Blue! This is the younger brother. His older brother likes green and he just has to wear his hand me downs!"

To Have and To Have Not

So, going along with Saturday's post... We had an interesting experience with Lexi when she was finally feeling up to eat solid foods.

I'd ordered some spaghetti noodles for dinner. Since there wasn't a lot of sauce, I figured it would be a safe bet for her to eat. I fed her some and sure enough, she chowed them down! Since she's 2 1/2, I assumed (never assume) that she'd want to feed herself. I proceeded to shovel some of the spaghetti onto a smaller plate for her.

And she started to scream.

I had no idea what was wrong and she was VERY upset. Our friend Chareyl (with Wasatch International http://wiaa.org/ ) said, "Feed her from the big plate again." I looked at her funny and she said, "just trust me." So I gave her another forkful from my plate. She immediately was at peace again. Like a switch had been flipped.

I looked at Chareyl, baffled as I couldn't explain what had just happened. She said, 'We see this all the time with kids that have been put in orphanages. She knows what it's like to be hungry and she wants to be sure she can have ALL the spaghetti if she needs it."

This mommy's heart broke.

I've heard parents who have adopted internationally say that their children will go to the pantry multiple times per day and just LOOK at the food - to make sure it's still there.

I pray and pray that we can get these children home soon, that their bellies may be full, their health may improve, their minds may be comforted as they learn what "home" means.

It's been 20 days since we've been able to hold and hug and kiss you.
Mommy and Daddy love you, Lexi and Nathan. Come home soon.

Let Them Eat Cake....

It's long been rumored that Marie Antionette said this now famous phrase upon hearing that the peasants in her country had no bread to eat.

I wonder, though, what she would have said if she'd learned her people WERE eating cake - MUDCAKES, that it.

What will you say when you learn what Haiti's poor does to try to survive?

People haven't believed me when I told them that the poor literally eat dirt. Thank you, MSN for publishing this article this week:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22902512/

The Weather Outside Is Frightful…

The weather in Utah has been filled with snow, snow and more snow. That's fabulous for the Utah skiing industry – not so great for commuters like me.

However, my thoughts lately have not been on the slush and ice. They've been on my kids (shocker!)

What will Lexi think the first time she sees snow?

How will she feel about her first coat? She's never had to wear anything like that before.

What about boots?

How do you explain "cold" to a child from the Caribbean? Or air conditioning? (they don't have that at the orphanage!)

I'm also excited to give you popsicles… and yogurt… and so many other things.

And, as always, I wonder which winter we'll finally have you home. Will it be next winter? Will it be the one after that?

I can scarcely wait to get them home. I keep hearing that things in the Haitian government are going "faster", but I've also seen my friends wait 20 months and still not have their kids.

Will they remember who we are the next time we see them? (hopefully in April/May)

I hope that you're having a good day, Lexi. That you're feeling better. That you're happy. That you know you're loved. That someone gives you a hug or two today.

Nathan, will you be crawling the next time we see you? I'd somehow be happy to see your little knees all roughed up by the tile floors at the O (orphanage). There's really not a lot of soft space there for you to figure out how to be mobile.

I hope you're well, Nathan. That you're being loved on by the "aunties" at the O. That you're sleeping well. That you're still singing to yourself and being as happy as you were when we saw you.

Mommy and Daddy love you both very much. Come home soon.