This Could Be Why International Politics Are So Difficult.....

Thanks to everyone who voted on my little poll there. The vast majority of people do not expect the blog author to respond to comments or the figure that the author will mention something in their next post if they do need a response. That makes me feel better because of my time constraints.

If you know me at all, you know I love to have a "little kid story" to share. This one comes from a coworker. He was teasing his boys about the terms of exasperation they use like, "Oh my gosh" and "oh my heck". So he started listing off all these things that they say or could say... when he got to "Gee Willikers" his oldest said, "what does that mean, Dad?"

D piped up and said, "Dad's speaking Spanish and since we're not Italian we can't understand him."

Yeah... that's what I was going to say, I think.

E.T. Never Had It So Good....

My sister is hilarious. My family in general cracks me up. This is the latest from my sister's blog.

By way of background, Z is pregnant. She also has a dog named "Bug". But Bug also answers to ALL of the following names:

Buglas McArthur
Louise
Chin Chin (that's her "panda name" - because every black and white dog needs a panda name)
Fatty Patty Steve


Yes, she really will come if you call her General Buglas McArthur. I think it's awesome.

So here's her post. Enjoy!

This post is about a Rat Terrier who is lovingly nicknamed Fatty Patty Steve. She ate a bag of Reeses Pieces yesterday. Not a normal size bag you buy in the checkout at the grocery store - she ate a good portion of the "I'm cheating on my wife, Jenny Craig, with a mistress named Reese's" gluttony size bag. Then barfed said contents of bag all over me and the bed. I know I have a warped sense of humor but I thought the whole situation was HILARIOUS! A quick shower and 2 loads of laundry cleaned up the mess but Louise was still sick. She was up most of the night puking (in the backyard) and laying in a heap on my lap. Moaning.

Between Barfy the Amazing Vomit Dog, a 25 week old fetus with tiny fists of fury, and heartburn that could choke a Marine... I didn't get much sleep.

If only I could teach my dog how to do this:

I think someone should make bumper stickers that say:

I'm cheating on my wife, Jenny Craig, with a mistress named Reese's.

I Hear Helena Is Lovely This Time of Year...

So American Airlines cancelled our flight from PAP to Miami this week. I had to call them to reschedule.

That meant I had the privilege of "speaking" with one of those "automated" systems that "understands" the words you say. That's always fun - you get to speak slowly and clearly and concisely. Things were going pretty well until we got the point that it was asking for my destination.

The phone system said, "What city?"

So I said, "Salt Lake."

It said, "I heard 'Helena, Montana'. Is that correct?"

And I started to laugh out loud.

Then it said, "I'm sorry. I didn't understand your response."

The irony...

But it made me think. As annoying as those systems are, it might actually be a good example for the rest of us. I'm sure there are MANY times when I'm involved in some sort of conflict or disagreement where the person is saying one thing and all I'm hearing is "Helena". What if the next time you were in a disagreement with someone you restated for clarity like that?

I'm not saying my coworkers and spouse would appreciate it if I started repeating things back to them slowly... But I will be on a "Helena" Watch for my next business meeting.

Yes, we did get our tickets rebooked. We have an extra night traveling home now. The flights out of PAP arrive in Miami too late to make a connection to anywhere and still make it there same day. So we'll find a place to bed down for the night.

As I write this, I'm still waiting for the confirmation of the itinerary change to come through from American Airlines. Hopefully that's all clear. If not, I hear Helena is lovely this time of year.

9 days...

What Are the Odds?

Last week I had a doctor's appointment. In the waiting room, I saw the wife of a friend that I worked with at my last job. She was there with their new baby boy.

As I visited with her, she said that they'd named him "Easton". I commented that I'd heard that name as a last name, but not heard it used as a first name before.

SERIOUSLY, as soon as I said that the lights in the waiting room flicked off. I hear a mom from across the room yell, "Easton! Turn those lights back on right now! Easton!! I'm not kidding! Easton! Turn them back on!"

The lights came on and my friend and I looked at each other.... maybe it wasn't as unusual as we both thought. :)

Why My Creole Stinks

Seems like any effort I take to learn Creole ends up with phrases like this.

Transition Stories

I have to share some of Melissa's stories after bringing home Luc and Lyvi this month. These two, in particular, crack me up!

You need to know that Coltyn is her oldest child, age 7. Seth is her husband.

Story one:

Tonight Seth took the all 3 kids to play mini golf and ride the bumper
boats at a nearby place. There was a snotty little boy who had no adult
supervision and kept coming onto the course that Seth and the kids were on. The
kid whacked Coltyn with his putter and all hell broke loose. Luc and Lyvi
FREAKED out!!! They started yelling in their native tongue at this little boy
and waved their putters at him. At one point Seth said he actually had to hold
Lucio back. Seth and Coltyn were shocked and didn't have any idea what Lucio and
Lyvi were saying to this little kid that picked on the wrong big brother. They
did get something about "brother" and "Coltyn" and that was about all they could
understand. Coltyn thanked them for scaring away that kid for him :-). Coltyn is
a whole head taller than Luc and Lyvi.

For the rest of the evening, every time Lucio or Lyvi saw that little
boy, they yelled stuff at him. Seth said it was hilarious. It was a good bonding
moment for Coltyn and the kids as well to see them stick up for him like
that.

And story two:

The other day Luc and Lyvi "exchanged words" and then Luc kicked her and
made her cry. When I asked what happened, Coltyn was all distraught and told me that Luc kicked Lyvi. I asked him why and he got all frustrated and said, "I
don't know, I don't speak Chinese" and looked at me like I was some kind of
idiot.

Good times, good times!


I love that Luc and Lyvi were immediately protective of their new adoptive brother (I think the golfing incident was on their 2nd or 3rd day in America). And I love that Chinese and Haitian are equally unintelligible to Coltyn!

I agree, Coltyn! It's all Greek to me, as well!!

Live the Dream

As I entered the city today, I found myself behind a Yellow Cab with a thought provoking bumper sticker. There, emblazoned on that adhesive paper were these profound words:

Become a Cab Driver.
Live The Dream.

Why haven't I realized that this must be what my life is missing! I tried to get a picture of this with my camera phone (while stopped at the stop light, of course. Safety first, people!) but I don't have a zoom on my camera.

I also had to giggle at the thought that there probably is not a more boring metro area in which to drive a cab than Salt Lake City.

Don't get me wrong. I love Salt Lake. It's a beautiful city. Utah's a pretty great state. This is the place, and all.

But there isn't a buzz here, or nightlife, or foot traffic, or a large number of PEOPLE....

You know it's going to be A DAY when you have to change your outfit 3 times before you can finally get out of the driveway because the neighbor's very muddy Lab defiles your clothes by trying to do unspeakable things to your leg.

Truth in Advertising?

It intrigues me to see what people put on their vehicles.

Today I saw a truck for a local business with this painted proudly on the side:

America and Service
is our
#1 Priority

Well, apparently grammar isn't your #1 priority... Can you really have TWO #1s? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?

I personally would never put a bumper sticker on my car. Bumper stickers equate to immediate depreciation in my book. I do appreciate a good oneliner, however.

Currently my favorite bumper sticker (edited version) says:

Jesus Loves You.

Everyone Else Thinks You're a Jerk.

40 days to Haiti.

No word on the job front for Brent.

And a friend of mine has 3 little boys ages 9, 7 and 6. He said the 6 year old (we'll call him "B") is the biggest handful because he's figured out how to tease and torment his older brothers! He's always "poking" someone to get their reaction.

My friend said the other day the older two started whining again - tell-tale sign that B was at it again. He said, "B! WHAT are you DOING?"

B's response?

"Having the time of my life!!"

:)

You have to admire his honesty! It is fun to poke something and watch it squirm, right?

Un-FORTUNE-ate

For some reason these delight me. I didn't collect these fortune cookie fortunes but that doesn't stop me from providing commentary.

You are getting very sleepy... You want to call a travel agent... You want to upgrade to first class...

They're rare migratory rubber bands, returning to their nesting grounds in the desk drawer...

Oh, now you're just toying with me....

Can I have this cake AND eat it too?

Does that mean the restaurant messed up our orders?

That's a relief. I've been so worried about whether my roses were reaching their potential...

The possibilities are endless, but I'm going to say "puppet strings", for $500, Alex.

(Disclaimer: I say that only because it's funny, not because I actually believe it. My husband is much more capable than I am in most areas.)

I've always been a slow haster... I just can't help it. It's hereditary on my father's side.

Mint circles??? What the...

And here I thought the moonlight was just naturally prompt..

This day just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it!!

Oh, good, because I was just thinking about my thoughts and wondered if I was feeling my feelings....

Dang it! Now what do I do??

Let this be a warning to you, kids... Confucius and M.C. Hammer should not hang out together, no matter what you've been told!

Great! There go my plans for the day! Tomorrow is another day! What about kissing on the trunk? Is that permissible?

I'm batting 1000 today... My height is tall, my awareness is aware, my sensitivities are sensitive. It's a good day to be me!

Am I the only one blushing here? Isn't that kinda of personal??

Now I have to add "sparking eyeballs" to my list of "Things that May Cause Spontaneous Combustion"! Great! Stop, drop and roll, people... Stop, drop and roll...

Did he now.... did he really say that?

And YOU are Captain Obvious! Congratulations!

Al-Mormon

in case the above doesn't work - use this link

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4qw7ezm2IA8

And Now for Something Completely Different...

Status

I woke up yesterday singing Lexi's Lullaby. My heart hurts.

But, let's distract ourselves, shall we?

My friend, who we'll call "R.M." to protect his box from receiving from loads of "over the hill" cards (those are his initials, not his missionary status) sent me an email yesterday. He says he's flying his kids and grandkids up for his 50th birthday.

His adult daughter (who is proportedly very excited about the upcoming party) said, "Dad, can I cry at your birthday?" He said, "Um....Sure, punkin... why??" and she said, "'Cause you'll be that much closer to DYING!"


And on the puppy front, he somehow managed to get himself UNDERNEATH the old cedar chest in the front room. I couldn't pull him back out through this gap, so I'm not sure how he got IN through it. Bless his paws... :)


Still hoping for a miracle. Thanks for your prayers.

The Adventures of Sarcastic Checker Boy

It's a sad statement on our society today when anyone who buys more than one bottle of cold medicine is suspect to be running a meth lab.

I had some MD appointments today, so I ran to the Target between appointments. I picked up 2 bottles of 3 different types of infant and children's medicine to take to the orphanage the next time we go. I admit, six bottles is unusual.

The guy checking out my items sees the number of bottles and says, "Someone must be pretty sick, huh?"

I said, 'Actually, we're going to an orphanage in Haiti to visit the children we're adopting and we're taking some medicine to them."

He says (wait for it):

"RRIIIIGGGGHHHTT!" (picture the rolling eyes)
"An 'orphanage' in 'Haiti'...." (picture the finger air quotes)

That's right, folks. He's onto me. This whole "adopting kids" thing is really a front for the meth lab we're running in our basement. We've gone to great lengths to hide our activities from the authorities - even going so far as to have a homestudy, so that this all APPEARS normal. All that hard work down the drain.

("... and we would have got away with it too, if it hadn't have been for those pesky teenagers....")

A Bird in the Hand... or Not!

HELLO to my friends, Rene and Jack in the Netherlands! It's nice to know you're still checking in!

I thought I'd share a picture given to me by my little neighbor boy, Jeff (who happens to have been adopted from Haiti). Jeff is 8. He drew this during sacrament meeting at church on Sunday and then gave it to me, since I was sitting closest.

As Jeff explained this, it's a picture of a chicken who was kicked out of an airplane by his fellow passengers. At first, Jeff drew the chicken being eaten by a shark, who was in turn eaten by a whale.


I've colorcoded these three below. Chicken = Red, Shark = Blue, Whale = Green
The kid's really got the whole "food-chain-circle-of-life" thing down!



Then he decided he didn't like that so he added a parachute to the chicken, and added some action lines to show him falling into a boat. Then he turned the paper over to show that, conveniently, ON the boat was a "FedAxeUPS" truck. He said the truck would take the chicken back to the farm. In this last picture you can just see the final falling motions from the parchuting daredevil, sky-diving, passenger-annoying, shark-avoiding chicken!

Whew! That's one lucky bird! Like 007 with feathers!

Uninvited Guests...

It's been a crazy week here. I'm not even allowed to mention everything that's going on at this point. And once you read this post, you'll wonder what the "other" stuff is if I CAN post THIS. :)

I found out this week that the Beatles have taken up residence on one of my ovaries. At least, it amuses me to think of it that way. I've got some cysts that they've been quazi-watching for the last several months and they've decided that I need to be scoped next month to check them out and see if they have unwholesome intentions with my organs.

They kinda look like grapes. and since this is a scan of a photocopy of an ultrasound, it's pretty grainy. That's a pretty sad pedigree for one little picture.

.

However, it occurred to me that this little foursome is also like my own little ovaric (made that word up, thank you very much) version of the Beatles:

Begone, foul fiends! I don't have time to deal with you!

And the funniest part??

The doctor said, 'You've been married for 10 years? Maybe if we get these taken care of we can see about helping you to become pregnant."

Um... Doc?

I don't think you understand. I'm so far BEYOND needing to push a child out of my own womb that I'm IN HAITI!!

Don't worry, Lexi and Nathan. You're still everything to us! Beatles or no Beatles!

Trip to Haiti April 9th. Approximately 61 days!

Spoken Like a True Middle Child...

A good friend sent me this story about her 8-year old niece, Jill:

Yesterday Jill was coloring in a coloring book. When she was done with her page she brought it in to show Jamie and me. The picture was of a bear sitting at a table with a bowl sitting in front of him on the table. She colored the shirt on the bear green. The bowl was yellow and green and she also had accented several other parts of the picture with green.

So anyway she shows us the picture and says, "Can you guys guess what the bear's favorite color is?"

Jamie and I both look at the picture and say, "Ummm, green?"

She says, "Nope! Blue! This is the younger brother. His older brother likes green and he just has to wear his hand me downs!"

Love Letters

My 10 year-old niece made me a card to tell me she's excited about her new cousins, Lexi and Nathan.

The text says, "Cousins are totally exciting even though we already have them they are way fun. :)".

To the Unknown Man in 27G

It's not you; it's me. Really. Don't blame yourself.

The reason I treated you like you had the plague was because, well, I do. Or did. I've treated it now.

Having a very sick Haitian daughter who was just released from the hospital and holding her for a week while she tried to recover means that you can pick up what she has. Including scabies. A gift that keeps on giving.

I've traveled a fair amount. Never before today has it ever occurred to me to worry about whether the person next to me - a complete stranger - was transporting little bugs on their skin. Believe me, I was much more anxious to get home than you were and I think I did a good job of avoiding all contact with you.

So, maybe I made you feel like a freak when I pulled very far away every time you shifted. It's OK. Really. You're not a freak. And now, hopefully, you're also scabies-free.

Next time you're on a plane, sleep well... And may dreams of what microscopic visitors your fellow passengers are carrying not dance in your head.