"...Now I Know What Every Step Is For - It Leads Me To Your Door..."

A few thoughts about this little man....

I found myself calling him "Sweetness". That's his new nickname from Momma. He's just a tender, snuggly, gentle little boy and he needs lots of love.

Nathan just turned two in August. The only time we've been to Haiti and he's felt well was the very first trip when he was 5 months old.

He's been sick every other time. That means he looks like this most of the time:

He did a lot of screaming this trip. He really just wanted Momma to hold him. And if you could please stand up and rock me while you do that. If I was sitting, he wasn't happy. I can't really blame him. He apparently hasn't felt well for most of his young life.

We did get him on an antibiotic again while we were there and by the end of the week he was playing around a bit
He really liked his Grandma
Once he realized that we'd brought more than one pair of shoes for HIM, he liked to carry a different pair to Grandma so she'd pick him up and change his shoes for him.
And then 10 minutes later, he'd take the other pair to her and want her to change them again. He was so excited to a) have multiple pairs of shoes, and b) to have adults that would do whatever he wanted or needed. I can't even imagine.

He does have a beautiful smile when he's feeling well. Unfortunately we don't see it much because it takes a few days for the antibiotics to kick in and get him feeling better and by then it's usually time for us to go.

Momma and Nathan slept in one bed and Papa and Jessica slept in the other bed. The first few nights, I'd lay down with him on my chest and rock him until he fell asleep. By the end of the week he could fall asleep without me holding him, but he still wanted - no NEEDED to be held. I think we all need that, right?

The last couple of nights he'd push me back so he could crawl onto my chest and he'd snuggle there and then he'd climb on and off and flip and turn and toss while he tried to get all the wiggles out and fall asleep.

I noticed no matter what position he ended up in, he'd have at least one foot or a hand still touching me.

There we'd be, lying in the dark with Papa and Jess already fast asleep on the other bed and Mr. Nathan trying to get comfy enough to sleep and wiggling and crawling around while he tried to unwind.

That's when the game would start.

In the darkness, I'd hear Sweetness say, "Mama?"

And I'd reply, "Yes, Baby?"

And he'd sigh, "Mmmmm...."

And then 10 seconds later, I'd hear, 'Mama?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"Mmmmm...."

We must have played that game 80 gajillion times those last two days.

I think it's part of Sweetness working out that Mama is really THERE and she's there for HIM.

One morning, I woke up as the morning light was coming through our window and I looked over at Sweetness, expecting to see him soundly sleeping.

Instead I found myself gazing into his beautiful chocolate eyes.

He'd been watching me sleep.

Another time, when I laid down with him to get him to take a nap, I closed my eyes (attempting to show him that we were going to sleep now") and a few moments later I felt Sweetness's tiny little boy fingers lightly skimming my eyelashes and then down my cheek, stroking my face.

I think it's as amazing for him to have a Momma as it is for me to have a son.

And then we had to leave him. And next time we'll have to start over again, helping him feel better and rebuilding trust.

Someday, you'll know Momma and Papa aren't going to leave you, Sweetness.

Someday, you'll realize that we've finally figured out that everything thus far in our lives has been leading up to finding you and your sister.

Someday, I'll be able to rock you to sleep in your very own room in your very own bed and you'll have your very own closet with all your very own shoes in it.

And someday, when you wake up scared in the night and call, "Mama??" I'll come running down the hall to sweep you up and hug you and say, "Yes, Baby, Mama's here."

Someday....
We love you, Little Man... Mama's Sweetness. Come home soon.

Miss Jess figured out that if she pulled all the toys out of the shelf between the beds and climbed in there and then proceeded to sing it would echo nicely.



I know, she's just cute!

Does This Outfit Make Me Look Cute??

This post is especially for my friend, Princess Heather, who appreciates a good garden gnome.

This is my little 4.5 month old nephew, Rocco, in his Halloween costume.

We're BAA-AACK!

The kids are beautiful, as always. Jess is just a dynamic, happy little girl.



She's definitely not a baby any more. We have some fun video that I'll have to post in the coming days. She definitely latched onto her Papa and was always looking for "Papa mwen" ("my Papa") by the end of the trip.




Nathan was sick. We were able to get him on an antibiotic, and he felt better toward the end of the visit, but he spent most of the trip crying or sleeping. He's a very sweet little man, and very cuddly. He's Mama's boy and just wanted to be held and for the most part we were happy to oblige him.

We have a crazy week in front of us. We found out while we were in Haiti that our current home has definitely sold and it's closing on the 3rd. The bank still hasn't made a decision on the short-sale home we're trying to buy but we've made arrangements to move into it and rent it while the bank decides what they're going to do with the property. We basically have a week to pack everything up while still dealing with catching up at our respective jobs and church callings.

Brent's sick. Not sure what he's got. It started towards the end of our trip and he felt like it was just his seasonal allergies reacting to something in the tropics. Today, however, he can't even speak because his throat is so sore and he's coughing. Should make for a crazy week all the way around.

Ramblings

I can't sleep... We've entered the stage of my pre-trip jitters where it's like Christmas Eve and the anticipation is gonna kill me. (Yeah, all that mumbo jumbo about "not a creature was stirring"? Absolute lies, I tell you!!) Although at this point, I'm can see how if one gets enough sleep deprivation, you actually could see a large elf in a sleigh pulled by 8 tiny reindeer and pull of a plausible rhyme about it.

B was sick. He's better now. So much for his "Diddle tids don't get tick" concept.

We may have some "final countdown" action going on with our house. The one in which we currently live, that is. The one that we made an offer on over 90 days ago? Yeah, Bank of America is still being rude to our realtor and saying that they "have the right" to review the offer. Oh, wait... I thought that was the intention with the last 90 days.... That's OK. I'm going to see my babies in Haiti in another 7 days and everything else can just wait.

I need to remember to pick up more "mamba" (Kreyol for "peanut butter"). I don't think our kids can ever get enough peanut butter. They can use more meat on their bones.

This is what happens when you crack open one of those "easy to pack but Lori thinks it's kind of a ridiculous price for the amount of peanut butter you get unless you're taking it to your babies in Haiti" sized packages in front of our kids:

You open the package and they can smell it, I swear. They drop what they're doing and come running.

I wish you could hear them. It's like a nest of hungry baby birds clamoring for the worm.

Here's my nephew, Collin, thinking that mamba is "lip-licking good".

More, please!

To our dear friend, N, who is having surgery today: our thoughts and prayers are with you and we hope the doctors can find the trouble and get you better!

"...You're the Only Thing In Every Room You're Ever In..."

I've decided that the Pinewood Derby is a force of nature. I don't know what else could have put a smile THAT BIG on B's face, plus allowed Brent to use his propane torch AND his belt sander while helping B make his car. Good times, good times....

I haven't seen B for a couple of days. I'm starting to get worried about him. I'm sure it's just because it's colder outside so he's not out as much. How creepy is it if the 36 yr old goes over to see if the 8 yr old can play?

To be honest, B's basically a latchkey kid so no one would know if I went by to check on him anyway. I know - insane to leave an 8 year old home alone. Don't get me started. But it's unfortunately not illegal in this state. I've checked. Turns out most states don't have a minimum legal age kids must reach before they can be left home alone. In case you were wondering (which I'm sure you weren't) I also learned that in New Zealand a child must be FOURTEEN before they can be legally left home alone. Doesn't that seem a bit much?? I'm guessing that's exactly the reason most of our United States haven't "laid down the law" on that one. There's no way to make people happy, with or without a law like that. People can be so difficult.

We're down to single digits until our trip to see our kids again. 9 more days... This trip will make one year since we were reunited with our Nathan last October. Remember this:
Another year gone and no end in sight.

I hope my babies know that, for their momma and their poppa, they are the only thing. They're it. Our hearts, our lives, our souls... they're in an orphanage in Haiti with them. I feel like we'll get the "rest of us" back next weekend, when we see these little people again.


We're coming....

Here's Looking At You, Kids...

We received update pictures today. They always seem too come right before our trip. I think they're trying to make sure we're calm and happy when we get there. Then we get another one right after our trip that tells us everything we found out while we were there. No new information comes through between the trips. The dates, weights, updates, all have the date of the last trip as when the data was collected or it says "will be updated on the next trip."


Such is Haiti. Chaos and not a lot of order.


But, without further ado:

"...Cramming Commitments, Like Cats, In A Sack...."

It's been a week for the last month or so, if you know what I mean.

This last week, in particular, I have been ill, which is never much fun. The last time I mentioned something to my little friend, B, about being sick he said:

"Jews dus be a diddle tid. Diddle tids don't get tick." (translation: "You should just be a little kid. Little kids don't get sick.")

I love that in B's world, I can just make myself be a "diddle tid" and it would solve everything. I'm also very glad that "diddle tids" are all healthy in B's world. Not sure where he lives, exactly, but... I also love saying, "Diddle Tid". It makes me giggle every time.
___________
A few months ago, I was asked to serve as the Stake Relief Society President for one of the single student stakes at the university in Orem (a "stake" is an administrative grouping of several congregations or "wards") It's been an adventure already and I really love the opportunity to be with the young people (the people in these wards are all single college students between the ages of 18 and 30). We get to do a lot of training and instruction and we spend a lot of time visiting the wards and fellowshipping. I think Heavenly Father knew that I needed something to keep me busy while we go through the rest of this waiting to get these babies home.

Tonight we had a dinner for the single sisters before the broadcast. Fortunately, we were able to have a local grocery store deli do the food for us, so that made it immensely easier on my part. It's still always stressful to plan something for that many people and try to figure out how many are going to make it out of those who said they were coming, etc, etc. I'm very glad it's over and everything turned out well.

The broadcast was fabulous. It's always such a blessing to be able to be reminded of how blessed we are and how lucky we are to have the Gospel and Jesus Christ in our lives. We truly live in a remarkable time.

It's less than three weeks until we get to see our babies again. This time on Oct 17th, we'll be kissing cheeks and giving loves. It's kind of strange, but you do go through a little check list and re-count all their fingers and toes and have a moment of awe at the beauty of these children and wonder how you were ever blessed enough to have found each other. In those moments, the wait disappears and all that you can see is THEM and FAMILY and how someday this will all come together.

We're coming, Jess and Nate. We can't wait to see you.

You fill my dreams and my heart.

"...A Pocketful of Mumbles, Such Are Promises..."

I know... You thought I'd gone the way of all things.

You aren't that lucky.

We're still here - still kicking - we've just been sort of quiet about it which is unusual for us.

I've been afraid I'd exceed my lifetime quota of how many times I can blog about how much I miss my kids or how stinkin' sick I am of them still being stuck in an orphanage in Haiti. You have to pace yourself on these things, don't you know...Given that there isn't really an end in sight, I had to back off for a few weeks so that I could still blog between now and when they come home.

Or something like that.

We are going down to see them again on Oct 16th. This trip will be the longest we've had in duration - I think we have nearly 6 days there with them. It will also be our 6th trip in two very long years. Brent's mom is also going to go on this trip with us. We're very grateful she's willing to pay to see her grandkids and we're excited to have her with us.

So let's talk about something else, shall we?

We've recently been adopted by a little neighbor boy. Ironic, I know, but it's about time an adoption happened around here, I guess. B (as I'll call him) has decided we're his best friends - at least that's what he told me the other day. Sometime in August we were outside and B came by on his bike and said, "Will you be my friends?" The rest, as they say, is history. He comes over pretty much every day as soon as I come home from work and stays until we kick him out...I mean... walk him home. :)

B's a special little guy. He's 8, but he's got some learning disabilities and some severe speech issues. I'm learning how to speak his language pretty well and we usually understand each other. B's also very lonely. He doesn't really have friends his age and the school district has moved him to a different elementary school each of his 4 years thus far to shift the number of students in the special needs programs.

Because of B's speech issues he can't say a lot of letters so my name's pretty much shot. We were trying to practice saying it one night and B decided it was just too tough. With a big sigh he told me "I think I'll call you 'Mike.'"

So that's what he does. He calls me "Mike" or "Michael". Even my nickname has a nickname. He calls Brent "Bubba". So I'm sure his parents must be curious about who "Mike and Bubba" are, but what are you going to do.

I tell him he's an "old soul" because sometimes he just floors me with what he says. A few weeks ago he told me that he'd made a new friend that day so I asked him what his friend's name was. He said, "Hmm...Me can't memember. When me was six me could memember everything but now that me older...." (picture him shaking his head with that resigned expression you'd expect)

I asked him if that's what my problem was as well and he nodded and told me sincerely, "me thinks so".

Good to finally have that diagnosed.

The sad thing is that I think I needed something to mother as much as B needed a friend. We just kinda fit each other that way. I never guessed I'd have a little happy place where my name is "Mike" but that's how things have turned out for my little buddy, B and me.

So that's what's up at our house. We're busy with work, busy playing "put-pall" (football) catch with B, busy with church stuff, did I mention busy with work, and waiting.

Always waiting....

Nathan Needs Hugs

We did get actual update pictures of the kids this weekend. It's good to see that they look pretty healthy.

Jess is growing up!



Mr. Nathan always looks stressed and worried in these pictures.


Nathan is a sweet little soul. He'll be two on Thursday of this week (August 20th). I literally can't bear to think of everything we've lost and missed in his young life. We got his referral when he was a 6 week old baby and now he's a 2 year old boy and there's still no end to the timeline for when we'll get him home.

I've mentioned before that Nathan has to come get a hug every minute or so when we're there. I wanted to share this little clip with you so you can see that he's just THAT SWEET.

Yes, he knows how to hit. He's two years old and he lives in a 3-bedroom house with 68 other kids. (and no, that's not a typo. 3-bedroom house. 68 children.) You'd know how to hit as well. But watch the little snatches of his face you can glimpse as he runs back to play for another 40 seconds. He just needs to be loved and reassured and comforted. He's a happy, sweet, tender little guy.

This is just a little clip of the kids playing. It lasts about 2 minutes. You'll note that Nate comes in for a hug 3 times in that 2 minutes.

In the video, Jessica keeps repeating something over and over again. If anyone knows Kreyol and can tell me what on earth she's saying I'd love that! Nathan picks up on it and repeats it with her.

Brent took this video while I was in the shower, so you can see the kids banging on the bathroom door. Jess says something quite often that sounds like "Dada", but they don't use that word in Kreyol (they say "Papa"), so I'm not sure what it is she's saying.

My mom would say Nathan's a "tender-hearted pork-n-bean". Long story, but he is. He's just SWEET and gentle and needs to be loved.

I hope you're joining us in praying these government agencies in Haiti will stop creating roadblocks for these sweet babies and will process paperwork so my kids, and so many others, can finally come home to their forever families. There's really not much else we can do be pray and wait.

Clean the Corners

Haven't been posting much... it's been a busy couple of months. I haven't even really had to time to check in on my friends and family's blogs.

On some levels, this last trip was a tough one. It was hard to go and come back alone AGAIN. It was hard to see how sick our friends' little girl is. It was hard to see how crazy things are. It was hard to still have no end in sight.

I've heard that there's a saying in Haiti for when something completely bizarre or backwards happens. The locals just shrug their shoulders and say, basically, "That's just Haiti". They just accept whatever it is that happens.

That doesn't sit well with me. In my world, when something's wrong you fix it.

I posted earlier this week about the opportunity to make your voice heard with your elected officials regarding the unacceptable process for international adoptions in Haiti. I hope you'll take a few minutes and do that - even if you don't do it on the 3 days they've listed. It's still not too late to say something about it.

We can all imagine the emotional toll that an orphanage takes on a child. Let me share with you one tiny little infuriating, saddening, maddening thing about living in an orphanage.

To picture our orphanage, imagine a rambler style house.... maybe 1200 sq ft. 3 bedrooms, but only two are used as that. The 3rd one is storage. Now put 68 children in that house. Add aunties to watch the children. You get the idea.

When we got there this last trip, Nathan was filthy dirty. And he didn't feel well. This picture was taken in the first minutes that we got him. Our luggage wasn't at the hotel yet, but I had some treats in our hotel room. I didn't have anything to clean him up with or to put a clean diaper on him, etc, but I could feed him. You can see in his eyes how awesome he feels right about now. The fact that a strange white woman has just taken him only adds to that feeling, I'm sure.

My dear friend Pam should stop reading now. :-)

If you look at his nails in that last picture, you can see the dirt that's crammed under them. One of the other moms joked that it looked like he had a French manicure, but with black tips. They were long, they were filthy. It honestly looked like no one had cut his nails or helped him wash his hands since we were there in January.

When our luggage arrived, our first job was to get them cleaned up and in fresh clothes. I started cleaning Nathan's nails and the stench of the filth under his nails honestly made me gag. It was completely disgusting.

He was so patient while I dug the dirt out and trimmed his nails. Brent took a picture because the whole thing was so gross. Poor little Nate - he'd flinch if I got too deep while digging out dirt, but he didn't make a peep to complain about it.
This is his face, looking at Papa taking pictures of him while Momma digs the crud out from under his nails. My sweet little boy...
I remember someone saying that their mom taught them that when you clean the floor, you make sure you get the corners more than anything else. The theory is if you take care of the part that people probably won't notice, then the rest of it will definitely be clean.

I can't begin to list all the little things that are broken with being raised in an orphanage. And right now, it seems like no one is noticing. The corners are filthy and no one cares, so to speak.

You can say something. Help us let them know that things need to change.

These kids deserve better.

My Husband May Be Addicted...

.... to spackle.

I can't make him stop. He's re-texturizing the entire basement. He says that he wants the seams in the drywall to be perfect, but I think it must have some secret ingredient and he's getting some sort of contact high. He's already redone the hallways upstairs. And repainted the entire upstairs.

The terribly ironic part is that we're moving. Trying to move anyway. We've made an offer on another house. That house is a "short-sale" which means the bank has a 3 MONTHS to tell us whether or not they'll accept our offer. The good side of that is it means we have time to try to sell our house. The bad side of that is it means Brent can keep redoing all the things that have apparently been secretly driving him crazy.

Apparently he could live with them but he can't bear the thought of someone ELSE living with them.

It's completely awesome to be married to someone who can fix and build and do things. Except for the part with the drywall dust.

Please excuse our mess... Brent's renovating.

36 Is the Loneliest Number....

It's my birthday today. I'm 36.

So far, 36 seems so much ruder than 35. 35 left me alone, quietly hovering at the top of the downhill slope to 40. It was subtle.

36 has grabbed me by the nose hairs and shaken me the way I was always afraid that very large lunch lady at my elementary school would do. 36 is gritty. It's raw. It's old.

I wonder what my current self would say if it could go back in time and have a reality check with the little girl I used to be - the one that always thought she'd finish college and have kids and be a homemaker, particularly by NOW. Bless that little girl's heart. I really was clueless. Hopefully I'm a bit wiser now.

I wonder how many people's lives have turned out the way they thought they would. I'd guess it's fewer than I'd expect.

I've been thinking as well about how my spirit is 36 but my body still feels at least 60. Funny how often Heavenly Father has used my body and the associated trials to teach me things. I remember when I was 14 and the doctors had decided they needed to fuse my wrists together to stop the pain in them (fortunately, my parents decided that it would be better for me to deal with the pain than cripple me like that - I still thank them for that.) I remember telling my mom that I'd finally realized that my body was an inside joke between me and the Lord. I think she was appalled. But I meant it then and I mean it now. The defective wrists, the ovaries that are more decorative than functional, the muscle problems, the tendons that don't hold things where they should.... they remind me that I'm not in charge and my ways aren't His ways and at the end of the day the Lord Never Cheats Anyone.

I had to do a little shower singing today. It usually puts me in a better mood. I've been talking to myself a lot today as well. Is that a sign of early senility? I find myself repeating the words to a couple of hymns. I find myself remembering a quote that one of my favorite missionary companions had me memorize:

I have an absolute belief that there is nothing unfair about life. There is only learning and sharing. A thousand times to fall is a thousand times to rise up again. If I can get up in the morning and rejoice for the light that shines into my eyes, then nothing is too difficult or impossible.

So bring it on, 36. Let's see what you've got.

And, while you're at it, if you could bring my kids home this year as well... that would be just awesome.

Wait

So my weird moment of the week was sitting outside a little cafe at lunch with my coworkers and seeing a runner go by while wearing (wait for it)... a bullet-proof vest. Yup, running shoes and tank top and a bullet-proof vest. I think they were trying to "sweat it out" because they were also running at lunchtime on a 100+ degree day.

In case you were wondering, seeing someone running down the sidewalk in a bullet-proof vest does make you subconsciously assess your entire environment in about half a second to see if there's some threat that you missed. It's a bit disorienting. And that's why I didn't get a picture of it on my phone. I know... I suck.

It's been a very crazy time for us. There's a lot going on and yet nothing going on in the one area where we want it most. Work is busy, home is busy, church is busy, adoption is not. No progress. No updates. And not just for us, but for our friends as well. It seems that pretty much no one's papers are moving.

I guess we're trying to be really great at waiting. It's hard when your family is being held hostage to a terribly disorganized process. And there's nothing we can do about it. Nothing except wait.

Is it wrong that I'm excited that my local grocery store is closing because it means that I was able to get a metric boatload (I'm probably rounding up) of children's cough and cold medicine for half price?

Don't worry, Jess... I didn't get any Benadryl.

Fear Not To Do Good

For nearly 20 years, I have had a dear friend named, T. She is completely fabulous. She'll take random road trips with you and she doesn't even drive off the road when you get a little exuberant about reading the roadsigns. (But come on... which is more fun? a) reading the sign says Lookout Mountain or b) yelling "Lookout! Mountain!". I rest my case.)

We've taken air trips as well. We spent September 11, 2000 exploring the Twin Towers. I'm always where I need to be when I'm with T. A year later for that trip and.... you know the rest.

It was T that talked me into asking out my sweet Brent. I was a bit shy and unsure of myself. She bouyed me up.

T went with us on this last trip to Haiti. She said she needed some time away to forget about her own worries and just be somewhere that she could do "something that mattered." She wanted an opportunity to serve.

She'd planned some things for the orphanage - brought down a bear for every child, had some fun fans that also squirt water that they could play with, created a big beautiful map to show all the people around America that love the children in that orphanage. She got to see how the orphanage is. She got to see what Haiti is like - to feel the tension in the air as the people were demonstrating right outside our hotel. She didn't get to smell what Haiti is like but I don't think she feels sad about that one!

She also found someone she was missing... someone who was missing her... She found that she was led to Haiti so that she and this little guy could start the process to become a family. He'll be her little boy and she'll be his "Mama". I'm so thrilled for her, and for Ollie. I'm thrilled that the Lord has answered her prayers and that she is joyful again.
She said it much better than I did, so I'll direct those of you that know her to check it out here.

Welcome to the family, Ollie! I can't wait to see you and your momma together again soon!

She's thinking about you and praying for you every day. The labor of adoption has its own intensity.

We love you, T, and are so proud of you. You will be an excellent momma!

Guess Who Will Be In Charge At Our House?

Yeah... they're THAT cute....

I love this one...

Note to Self: Don't Give Jess Benadryl...

Miss Jess was the Queen of Snots this last trip. They've always got an upper respiratory infection and what we call "kennel cough". And by "they" I mean "all the kiddos in our orphanage." Welcome to Haiti, folks. Plus, with 68 kids living in a 3 bedroom house, you're going to pass around some germs.

So, our first plan of attack was to give her some Children's Benadryl that was a "congestion" formula.

And this is what Miss Jess looked like for the next while.
Even if you waved your hand in front of her face, she still looked like this.



After that episode of "medicine head", we stuck to the Children's Tylenol Cold and she was much more alert and actually played around again.

It's so funny to watch them with medicine. Some of the kids throw a total fit if they have to take it and others through a fit if you give it to other kids but not them. And then sometimes you can get the kids that were throwing a fit to take it after they see that the other kids actually like it. Peer pressure can be a good thing.

I'm still so worried about a couple of the little ones at our orphanage. Please keep them in your prayers as we start to get into the worst of the heat and the hurricane season. I know they're in God's Hands, but I have faith that our prayers will help.

And Happy Birthday, to my awesome older brother, Matt. I'm glad you're back in our area and I'm glad you have a spouse that loves you and I'm glad that you are doing everything you can for your kids. Maybe in the next life, we'll be able to pay you back for all those times you used to make us play "Vacuum Cleaner". The things we believed if you said them....

I love you, Matt.

It's also my niece, Romy's birthday. She's a big 8 today. Happy birthday, sweet girl!

It's been a fun weekend. We had a barbecue with my siblings on Friday night. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Chris, for sharing this pic of me with our new nephew, Rocco. He's so tiny (I know, Lindsay... you were in labor for over a day... I get it... He's still a very little human being!) He's very calm, as well. He's really a pretty content little guy. It was fun to see the family and Brian and Paige's backyard looks completely awesome. They've put in a great deck and done a lot of landscaping in the last year and a half. It's really come together nicely.

Tonight we went to the Raceway with our friends. Nothin' like people watching at the raceway for a good time. It's like MulletFest but for some reason most of the participants seem to think that it is attractive for your bra straps to be sticking out. Plus, the food at the Raceway must only taste good after a few beers, so since we don't drink....

Anyway, the fireworks were fun. I have to admit, Lee Greenwood ("Proud to Be an American") and Neil Diamond ("They're Comin' to America") still choke me up after all these years.

It's terribly late (or early) so I won't go on, but I'm grateful for America, and for our servicemen and women. God Bless America!

Prepare to Fall in Love...

Super Nate and Ballerina Jess: Nature or Nurture?

Our friend made a superhero cape for Nate and a ballerina tutu for Jess. She said, "These are small and lightweight and maybe the kids will have fun playing with them." I have to admit, I was a bit concerned about what they'd think since they've not seen cartoons or ballerinas or anything like that, but we took them down anyway.

I'm happy to report that some things are apparently born into our DNA.

Nate thought the cape was cool and he toddled around in it quite happily.

He might be the cutest superhero I've ever seen... but I could also be biased!
Pretty soon he was wrapping his arm up in the cape and flipping it down, just like a pro. (I took it off of him before he got any ideas about jumping off something higher than the bed. :) )

When I put the tutu on Miss Jess, she just stood there for a bit, looking at me like I had weeds growing out of my nose. It was not like anything she'd ever seen before, that was for sure.
Then we went over to the mirror so she could see how pretty it was on her. She started to catch on.
First she had to get used to it. Here she's figuring out that she can pull the tulle pieces up and let them drop.

And this little pose? Not staged, not coached. She just walked over to the doorway and started posing.


And in this one, it was like she was trying to see if her hand lined up the way she wanted it.




So you tell me how Haitian orphans in an orphanage without TV can somehow know that you do stretches and poses in a tutu and that capes are for flipping and running.

Thanks, Marcie! They had a lot of fun with them!

Cheerleading Starts Early

Our friends, Bambi and Adam captured this little clip of Jessica and two of the older girls goofing off at the hotel cafe.



I have NO IDEA what they're chanting, but it reminds me of a high school cheer. It's something about a crying baby. At the end of it, they make this "crying sound" and they run their fingers under their eyes down their cheeks like tear tracks.

For some reason, the older girls and Jess were the only ones doing this little jig. I think the older girls think it's funny that Jess copies them, so they like to make her do the dance with them. I don't know which part is more funny - the chanting or the fact that the girls get themselves laughing so hard that they literally can't stand up any more.

Jess has a dynamic personality. I think she's just what two homebodies like Brent and me need. She's happy, she's singing all the time. She loves people and she loves to play.

And I'm reminded often that on that day when we finally get to bring her home and our joy is full, her world will be ripped apart. She'll be leaving her mother (who works at the orphanage helping to care for the kids right now), she'll be leaving her 68 best friends. She'll be coming to a place with those two white people she's seen a few times but the house we have here will be SO QUIET in comparison to what she's been living in. The smells will be different. The food will be different. But she'll be leaving her momma and I can't imagine what that will be like for both of them. I've met Darlynn. I can see from her smile where Jessica gets the vibrancy of her soul.

We'll be rejoicing and she'll be grieving and confused and so very sad. We'll help you work through that, Miss Jess. We want this to be as smooth as possible for you. We want you to feel like you're coming home and that you're comfortable here. Daddy has plans for your room, but I'm making him wait to start on them until we get a bit closer to having you home.

I hope you take care of your little brother, Miss Jess. Nathan would follow you anywhere. He thinks you walk on water. He wants to be loved by you. Will you keep an eye on him and help him to be happy in the coming heat and awful weather? Will you give him hugs and kisses when Mommy and Daddy can't? Miss Jess gives pretty good kisses.

We love you, Miss Jess. We look forward to adoring you all the rest of your life.

Help! My Eyelids Have Fallen and I Can't Lift Them Up!!

Our sweet Nathan has the most luscious lips and luxurious lashes! It's seriously unbelievable.

I've noticed, though, that he often looks sleepy. I kept getting pictures of him where it looks like his lashes are too heavy for his poor little eyelids:

Welcome to the Family

On our first trip to Haiti in Jan 2008, my youngest brother's wife had their first child.

On this last trip to Haiti, my only sister gave birth to her first baby - and the first grandson born into the family.

So, while we were out gallivanting around in Haiti, Mr. Rocco Dean Larsen was born. We haven't been to see him yet as we're trying to ensure we don't have any random Haitian bugs before we start kissing on new babies.

But until we get our own pics of the little guy, you can enjoy these with us.


Welcome to the family, Rocco. I hear wonderful things about you and can't wait to give you hugs myself!

How Was Haiti?

This was a very different trip for us. One of our good friends came with us and she ended up being just the little TLC that another little sick child at the orphanage needed. There were a few "extra" kids at the orphanage that all needed various forms of nursing to get over whatever sickness they were fighting at the moment. Our friend volunteered to nurse little "Olly" so they let us take him back to our hotel room for the week. We had 3 adults, and 3 children under the age of 2 in 1 room for the week. There are 2 "queen" size beds in the room and T and I shared one with Olly and Nathan and Brent and Jessica the Aerobic Sleeper took the other.

Olly had a fever and a cough and he wasn't eating and was very lethargic. I think he slept 16 hours that first day we had him with us. By the end of the trip, he felt well enough to play a bit and he was eating a bit and we got him to smile and laugh so T's time was well spent, I think.

In some ways it was like we were on a trip by ourselves this time. Our group was so large that dinners at the small hotel cafe were beyond chaotic. With three toddlers, it just wasn't worth the fight to try to keep them happy while you wait on "Haiti time" for your meal to arrive (the one night we did brave the cafe, we waited 1.5 hours for 2 ham and cheese sandwiches. Did I mention they weren't even HOT sandwiches?? I get the whole European "go slowly and enjoy the experience" thing about eating and ordering. I've experienced it many times on business trips overseas. But trust me... this is just ridiculous!) We ordered a lot of our meals via room service (I'd packed a little broom and dustpan, just in case) and it made meals much more peaceful and enjoyable for everyone. Plus we were able to keep better track of who was eating what which is always a good idea with sick little kids.

The big reason we spent a lot of time in our room this trip was so the kids could run at will and we were able to play with them uninterrupted. I think, in that respect, it was a better trip. We had more quality family time. They were able to toddle and do what they wanted and Mama didn't have to worry about anyone falling in the pool again this trip. Our kids weren't too keen on the pool anyway, although Jess did enjoy the one time that Papa wasn't busy being the human jungle gym for all the other kids.

There were political demonstrations all week long in the Presidential Plaza which is right outside our hotel. That's the other reason we didn't venture out much. One afternoon the hotel manager came around and told everyone that they needed to go back to their rooms immediately because the Haitian police had used tear gas on the demonstrators outside and we needed to wait inside until the air cleared. Another afternoon some of the parents wanted to go see the little market across the street in the plaza. One of the coordinators on the trip went to check things out and make sure it was safe. She asked a Haitian man on the street if it was safe to be out right then. He responded with "There's been a small bit of shooting. Maybe you wait a bit..."

Small bit of shooting? Isn't that like being "sort of pregnant"?? We found out later that the police had shot and killed someone in the plaza so it was a good thing we didn't go out.

Our kids were pretty healthy over all, but I'm really, really worried about our friends' daughter, Avrie. She's really struggling right now and is super tiny for a 2 yr old. Please keep Avrie in your prayers. The hot season is just starting and we haven't even hit the hurricanes yet. Sickness always gets worse when you add those factors.

The one point of good news is that the water filters are FINALLY hooked up and working. It only took 6 months because they don't have access to a Home Depot or Lowe's or the like down there. Brent brought down every part he could think of that might be what they needed to hook them up and somewhere in that he hit the mark. So at least they'll have access to clean water during the coming hot months.

Brent also got the solar panels hooked up, but given that everything needed to charge, we weren't able to validate everything was working before we left. We did get a couple of fans down there so hopefully the hot months will be a bit more bearable this year.

On the donation front, we were able to give the orphanage several thousand dollars from everyone's combined efforts. Those of you who donated or raised money for a generator, please rest assured that those funds are still set aside for that purpose. We found out in recent weeks that there is a very high rate of theft with conventional gas powered generators in Haiti. Another orphanage we know of had 3 stolen in the last year. Given that we don't have or want armed guards at our orphanage, we're trying the solar panel route to see if we can give them SILENT power. Solar cells are new enough down there that we believe they should be very secure as the general population wouldn't know what they were anyway.

We took down about 1400 lbs of Feed My Starving Children rice/soy mixture which should last the orphanage for a few months. We were also able to take down about 200 lbs of clothing, which is hard to come by in Haiti. Between the financial, food and clothing donations, along with finally having clean water, hopefully some of the stress will be eased for the next few months.

And us? We're already counting down to our next trip.... this whole process can't end soon enough for our tastes!

Oh, and congratulations to my blog friends who have been able to go to Haiti to bring their children home! Several people have finally finished the process over the last few weeks! Congratulations!

Here are a few pictures of our sweet kids:

I'm Walking Today

A few random thoughts...

The discussion on names yesterday reminded me of a kid I knew a long time ago whose immigrant parents named him "Great". He used to joke, "Some people's parents get their names out of the Bible. Mine found my name in the dictionary." He was a wonderful kid and definitely lived up to his name. That might be a lot of pressure to put on a person, however. :)

I can't really explain the emotions one goes through at this point in the adoption process. There's no end in sight, but you'd do anything to spend time with your babies again - even if it means walking away and leaving them again. You almost get a euphoria at the thought of spending some precious moments with them again. It's like one big Christmas Eve. And at the same time, there's the hovering black cloud that something could still go wrong, like it has so many times before. There's that constant reminder that they're not legally mine - YET.

For some reason, I've been thinking about a random experience I had many years ago when I was volunteering as a missionary for my Church. I was serving in Southeast Florida. We spent a lot of time "tracting", or going door-to-door looking for people that might be interested in hearing about the Gospel.

I'm fairly certain that if you polled the general public, 99% of people hate it when random folks show up at their door. I know I hate it and I've been on the other side of the equation. At the same time I've met so many interesting people (like the guy I refer to as "Naked Box Man" and the man who told us a very lengthy story about how he and his horse had been reincarnated as horse and rider on at least 4 occasions - including participating in the Crusades and the Civil War - and that the horse had communicated with him so that he knew that the horse knew that he knew they had been together before) and had so many unique experiences from it. (The last part of that sentence seems redundant after the part in parenthesis before it.)

Today, though, I'm thinking about the door in an apartment building in Miami. It was hot, it was humid and we'd had slamming doors all day long. At this particular door, we knocked and the door was opened by a smiling elderly woman wearing a purple muumuu and not wearing her teeth. Before we could even introduce ourselves, she exclaimed, "I'm walking today!" and lifted the bottom of her muumuu to show us the braces on her legs. She explained that she'd been having so many health problems the last few years and that she'd been completely immobile for the last several months. Medicaid and her doctors had finally been able to get approvals and she had new braces and today was the first day in a long time that she was able to answer her door when someone came to the door. She was SO HAPPY that she could stand and walk again and very grateful for every little thing in her life that she could do again. We had such a good visit with her and sang her a song (random, I know, but it was a sweet moment for all of us) and we were all better for the time we'd spent together.

Today, I'm just thinking about how I'll be a mom next week - for a few days at least. Before you respond with "but you ARE a mom....", I know what you're going to say and I "get that" but it's honestly not the same as having a particular little person that calls YOU "Mama" and means it just for you.

I'm trying to remember that even if my kids are in an orphanage, they have food and clothing and medical care. They're relatively healthy based on recent reports.

We're walking today.

Name Game...

It's early, but I'm so excited. My dear friend and next-door neighbor is in labor so I'm over waiting with her kids (who are still sleeping and oblivious that their dear, sweet mamma is in labor!)

Which brings me to a discussion we had at work the other day about names. My friend at work's baby girl's name is the same as the middle name we're using for my Jessica (Afton is the name). He has some hilarious stories about how his in-laws completely freaked about the name and would only refer to her as "Baby Girl" for some time because they hated the name and would rant and rave about how they should have had "voting rights on the baby's name" as the child's grandparents.

One of my favorite kid name stories involves a family that I met several years ago when I was living in Southeast Florida. The woman had twin girls she had named Shaquir (pronounced "sha-keer") and Shaquira. She would get so annoyed when people would say, 'Why did you give them the same name?" I remember her saying, 'Can't they hear the difference? Shaquir... Shaquira... they're totally different."

That reminded me of a story that one of my coworker's told me some years ago. She was telling me that she was outside in her yard talking with her neighbor. The neighbor was a young woman who was expecting her first child. My coworker asked her if they'd picked a name for the baby.

The young neighbor replied, "Yes. We think we're going to name her 'Cinnamon'."

My coworker replied with, "So... are you going to teach her how to strip right away or wait until she's 18... how does that work, exactly?"

Not surprisingly, the neighbor baby did NOT end up with the name "Cinnamon".

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears....

This last weekend my company had a Family Zoo day. We stole our niece and made her act as our proxy child for the day. She had a great time. Here are a few shots:


A thought the giraffes were AWESOME....

She rode the carousel with Aunt Lori.


Rode the train - You can see this was the end of the day and we'd had a "diaper overflow" by this point. Yeah... we rock as parents!


And this was what she looked like about a minute and a half after we pulled out of the zoo parking lot. I think that means it was a great day!

That evening, we got together with some of Brent's best friends from high school. Can't believe it's been 20 years.

Can you tell which 3 were on the basketball team?


It was great to see the guys and their families. They had a great time playing basketball together. The part where the rim at the park was only 8' high didn't hurt at all either!

Fun day all around!

Thank You for Visiting the Pit of Despair! Have a Nice Day!

Today is like Christmas except there's no snow on the ground and no tree and Target doesn't have aisles of impulse shopping items.

Today we found out that our file is finally out of IBESR (or, as my friend and fellow adoptive momma, Melissa, calls it "The Pit of Despair"). Approximately 6.5 months later and we're finally (read that "FINALLY!!!") done with the first Haitian government office.

Two more to go. Plus USCIS. Plus lots of waiting. I'll update the timeline on the side so you can see where we are and where we have to go.

But, we've checked off a box - one item down on our very slow "to-do" list before we get to bring our babies home.

We also received pictures today.

Did I mention today was like Christmas?


So, to answer all the questions that are going to flood at me from both of my readers:

Q: Yeah! You're done with IBESR! Does that mean you know when you'll bring them home?
A: Unfortunately, no. It just means we have a required step completed. Think of it as passing a level on Donkey Kong. You're closer, but you still have to save the Princess.

Q: Are you so excited that you get to fly to Haiti at the end of next week?
A: Why, yes! Yes, we are VERY excited. I hear that Haiti is hotter than Hades right now. An internet friend is there picking up her little boy right now and she says it's miserable hot. We can hardly wait! My good friend, Tia, is coming as well on this trip and will be helping out at the orphanage. We're so excited for her to meet our babies. She'll be the first person from our "pre-Haiti" life to actually meet them and it makes it seem that much more real for me.

Q: How can you possibly stand how cute they are?
A: It's a tough job, but we try to bear it up as best we can.

Q: I love Nathan's lips! Where can I find some like those for myself?
A: Oh, sweet friend.... on this I cannot help you. You've either got it, or you don't!