Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Coping

Believe it or not, there have been entire years of our life together where nothing much has happened. We don't usually have this much drama.

Someone told me the other day that there was a point in the life of her family where they wondered what else they could possibly lose. They ended up moving across several states and things worked out in the end.

In the last few weeks we've found out that we're losing a job, I lost an ovary, and now we've lost our children.

It looks like Brent will be going back to school. It turns out that was a blessing and good timing for us after all.

When I finish healing, I'll feel a lot better with all these cysts removed - ovary or not. That is also a blessing.

I don't know how to reconcile Lexi and Nathan. It still feels like SOMEHOW this will work out and we'll end up with them.

We wrote a letter to their birth mom (Bernadette) and our agency is having it translated into French and Creole and they'll get it to the orphanage who will get it to Bernadette. We also sent a few of our favorite family photos. I don't know if it will make a difference. One of our case workers felt strongly prompted to have us write the letter and we certainly were willing to do so. I think that's all we can do.

And so... we wait. We distract ourselves. We keep getting up every day. And we keep thinking about them. Praying for them. Hoping. I don't think you can fill a hole the size of Lexi and Nathan without Lexi and Nathan.

A friend reminded me that when you can no longer see, faith is continuing to move forward and trusting that the light will move with you.

In the words of my one of my favorite hymns:

Fear not, I am with thee, oh be not dismayed

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee ov'rflow

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

Renmen ou, Lexi and Nathan. Come Home Soon.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Be strong Lori and Brent. Prayers are being offered in your behalf. One thing you've taught me is that the Lord never cheats anyone. This will work out! Much love.

Anonymous said...

Lori and Brent--
We're on the one hand heartbroken with you, and on the other hand mustering as much faith as we can for you that this will turn to some good. You are loved!
-Todd and Tanya H.

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