I might have to make "I Will Survive" my ringtone. I need some reminders.
We got word yesterday that SUDDENLY Lexi has a father in the picture again. When we were in Haiti, her father was listed as unknown.
He apparently, is in favor of Lexi being adopted, but not of her being in an orphanage. Unfortunately, in Haiti, you can't exactly have one without the other. If you don't have a steady home or even a telephone, there's no way for the adoption process to move forward.
I think I'd become fairly adept at dealing with infertility. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Many people have said, 'Maybe you were only supposed to be in their lives to help Lexi when she was so sick." I'm not OK with that and I'm not sure how to resolve myself with that. Does emotionally crawling on your hands and knees still count as bearing your burdens? It seems like the only way this burden could "be made LIGHT" is to quit caring about the situation.
The strange thing about being a parent in Haiti for week – I'm not sure we were prepared for the JOY we had. It seemed like there was a purpose to all the STUFF in life and that we could do this. That's really the first time I think either of us have felt anything close to that type of joy.
If it were my brother beating on me, I'd just cry "Uncle" and he'd leave me alone. Can't figure this one out.
4 comments:
Lori you hit it on the nail for me. I keep thinking about you and Brent letting the bonding process begin only to have it cut off abruptly. And like you said - the trip to Haiti - trying to find meaning in something you felt very right about doing.
Something I have up on my fridge - I look at it every day. You might have this already but I thought it might give you strength -
"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us...if we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers" - President Hinckley, October 2000
I dont send you this quote telling you that perhaps you need to pray more or be more worthy or do more. I'm telling you this because you are doing EVERYTHING you should be doing. So expect things to come - to happen! You are doing all you can - good things are coming.
Oh, Lori. That is some really, really terrible pain you are feeling right now. I'm so sorry. Ditto to that awesome quote by Pres. Hinckley.
Lori & Brent, there is nothing anyone can say to make this easier, get resolved, or help. I know you will survive because I know how strong you both are. Just know that there is not a day that sun rises that both of you are not in our hearts and are thought of often during the day. Know you are loved!!
Thanks Rachael, Perla and John/Gail. I appreciate the "blog hugs" and thoughts/prayers on our behalf.
I know this isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone. It's just the biggest thing for us, particularly right now.
This too shall pass, right?
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