Christmas Stuff

We had our family part with my siblings this weekend. My older brother and his wife have hosted it the last few years. It's getting harder and harder to find a space where everyone can fit. They pulled it off yet again and it was a good time.

The food was great. It was fun to watch baby Abbie open her presents. For gift exchanges between my siblings, we changed the rules up a bit this year and said the gifts had to be made or had to be a form of service.

My sister and her husband drew our names and they made us 3 beautiful ornaments with pictures of Nathan, Jessica and Malot on them. I'll post pictures as soon as I figure out the best way to capture them. I was quite touched by them - literally speechless to see Malot's little smiling face on that ornament. Thank you, Z and Aaron. That was the perfect gift for us.

Brent and I don't do much around our own house for Christmas over the last two years. We both love Christmas, don't get me wrong. But lately our Christmas to each other is "the next Haiti trip". Not gonna buy a tree when that money could go to a Haiti trip. Neither of us really need anything, but what we both want is a Haiti trip. You get the idea.

We're just saving and focusing everything on that. I'm sure some of the neighbors wonder if we've changed religions as we don't have a tree up or anything. It's not that, it's just that our hearts are in Haiti and we want to really enjoy our next tree - and have kids home with us to join in the fun.

We ran an errand to Cabella's last night. For those of you that may not be familiar with it, Cabella's is an enormous hunting and fishing store. We have a ginormous store not to far from us. Inside it's practically a wildlife museum with all the different stuffed and mounted animals from all over the world.

When we're at Cabella's I normally think about our kids because I try to imagine what their reactions will be when we get them home and they can see this or that. But this last trip was different for us because we ran into two other families that had adopted black children. And watching the children run around and be so excited and the brief bit we spoke to one of the parents.... It was just a different reminder that sometime this will end and we'll be done and they'll be ours.
Next year.... please let it end soon....

Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of

I have had a hard time posting since we returned from this last trip. On some level, I feel like if I post about the kids and share my excitement, we'll lose them again.

This has been the year of deja vu. Let me take you on a little stroll down memory lane.

This is our family in January when we went to meet our daughter and son. We'd been matched with them since October.

We were so thrilled to meet and be with Lexi and Nathan. Love at first sight! Daddy knew this was his son. We were so grateful and happy.

Then February came and we found out their mother had changed her mind and we'd lost them.

In March, we started over and selected beautiful Malot to be our son. And it felt right and our hearts were healing and we were happy.

In June we went down to meet Malot (never heard another word on Lexi and Nathan). Malot, as you may remember, kept talking about his friend named Jessica. So we went back to the orphanage on Thursday of that week and brought Jessica with us as well. Once again we were a family.It seemed fated, led, meant to be. And we were grateful and we were happy.


We made plans to go back and visit Malot and Jessica in October. Our flight left on a Sunday. The Friday before that we were told that Malot had been very ill and that his uncle (who hadn't been to the orphanage to see him in 3.5 years) had taken him back. The orphanage had pulled in the authorities, but children don't have rights in Haiti. He was gone.

We moved forward with the trip, hoping and praying that we'd be able to find Malot's uncle. So we went to visit our Jessica. Thursday of that trip we were notified that Lexi and Nathan's mom had changed her mind AGAIN and that Nadia had been working with her for a few weeks to make sure she was "definite" this time. They took Nathan's mom to the courts and she and his birthfather signed relinquishment papers in front of the judge. So we got Nathan back and we were shocked and in awe and stunned and grateful and we were happy.
So after all of that, we're in the exact same spot now that we were in January. Our files are still waiting to go into IBESR. We've lost this year. Since this process takes about a year, we're still a year out from being able to bring them home.

Brent and I both have frequent dreams about the kids. Sometimes for me, it's just Nathan and Jessica. Sometimes Malot is there, too. Sometimes they're fabulous dreams. Sometimes they're terrifying. And each time, we wake up with our arms empty and wonder if this time it will "stick".

It seems like this year has been about introductions, falling in love and loss. I'm not sure what else can happen and I'm afraid to blog about it because I don't even understand it myself.

What does it take to get our family to "stick"?

Update from Haiti

We haven't had internet access since we arrived, but the hotel has it fixed now.

We made it just fine. We picked up Jessica and she's doing wonderfully. She's got a silly, sassy personality and she's a bit of a diva. :D

Still no news at all about Malot. At least, no good news. The uncle apparently lives in a village some distance from PAP and our folks at the O are trying to see if they can make arrangements to bring him to PAP to meet with us. Everything in Haiti is slow, manual, and delayed, so we'll see if things work out that way. We haven't heard how Malot is doing physically, but our contacts do feel that the uncle intended to get medical assistance for him. We're hopeful that has taken place.

I wasn't prepared for how difficult it was for me to unpack Malot's things and just put them all in a bag and set them aside for the week.

I'll post some pictures tonight. Looks like Blogger has a scheduled outtage at some point tonight, so we'll try to work around that and our own internet access.

Thank you so much for all the prayers. We feel like this will eventually work out for the best even though things don't make sense to us right now. Hope springs eternal...

Lightening Does Strike Twice on the Same Heart

We received from terrible, devastating news on Friday afternoon. Apparently, Malot is much sicker than how it was presented to us the day before when we found out he was in the hospital. The details are very sketchy, but here's what we know, as quoted from the email we received:

"Abel, the orphanage manager, was taking Malot from one hospital to another facility where there is a specialist that could look at Malot. Apparently, Malot has had diarrhea for days and has lost so much weight that they are so worried about how extremely sick he has been. As they were leaving the first hospital Malot’s uncle (the one who brought him to the orphanage initially) showed up and was very upset at Malot’s condition. He said that he wanted to take Malot home. Abel called the police because he was afraid if the uncle took Malot, Malot may not make it. But the police really do not care about the orphanage and adoptive families or anything like that so they gave Malot to the uncle.
We really do not have much other information. We don’t know if he just wanted to take him to nurse him back to health or if he thought Malot was not going to make it and he should be with family."

Yes, you read that last part right - the uncle apparently feels he's so deathly ill that he's taking him home to die.

We've been reeling since this information was received on Friday afternoon. I can't fathom not having Malot with us. I'm furious that he's apparently THAT sick and it seems that they only tried to get him to the hospital the day before. I'm terrified that the uncle won't trust the orphanage to give him back. I'm scared that we won't be able to find the uncle to try to meet with him and explain that as much as this little boy is his nephew, he is also our son. I'm horrified that perhaps the uncle is right and Malot "isn't going to make it". I'm terrified of meeting Harry at the airport and having him tell me those words that would indicate that Malot's illness beat him and he's no longer our beautiful boy.

What is wrong with these processes and governments and people and all of this huge mess? Why do so many children die before they can get to a place with food, clean water, medicine and a momma and poppa that they don't have to share.

Some one said, 'If this doesn't work out with Malot, you can just pick another kid!" For starters, this isn't a shoe store. We're talking about families. Eternal impacting things. And for secondars, this is like having a miscarriage, but after you've loved, fed, hugged, cared for, snuggled, played and talked to them. How many miscarriages do you try before you just have to take the hint and quit doing what you're doing?

We need hope, we need peace, we need prayers.

We need Malot to survive until we get there. We need Harry to be able to find Malot's uncle and take us there. We need the gift of tongues to help us communicate with this man. We need angels to attend us. We need angels by Malot's beside to comfort him and help him heal. We need it to not be too late. We need to hang on to the way Malot led us to Jessica and the rightness the situation with the two have them as always felt.

We need our son. please, let us find him and get him to the right doctor and help him to get well.

Do You Think I'd Get Any Takers if I Posted on Craigslist Looking for "Wealthy Person Wanting to Adopt an Orphanage"?

I'm just asking... trying to get creative here.

We've been very blessed by great friends and family. More people from my old company (Brent's current company) have contributed money for the orphanage and we received a very sweet note on our door from our best friends with some O money in it.

One never knows how these things will turn out... in Haiti, you can get admitted to a hospital without paying, but they won't discharge you until you've paid your bill. Harry has to be concerned every time someone gets sick - wondering if they'll be able to pull together the funds to pay for the doctor or the hospital or the medicine. There's no insurance in Haiti which means there's not a "co-pay"... it's more like "all pay". You have to pay the full bill yourself.

I gather that there is another little child in addition to Malot that's in the hospital right now, so it's very fortunate that we're going down so quickly and can bring funds to pay for these children's medical care.

Everything is so expensive there. People think because it's a third world country that things are cheap. Not so. It's harder to get things there so things are very expensive. It costs Nadia $3500/month to feed the children, and that doesn't include the rent, the wages for the aunties, the utilities, medical care, clothing for the children, the teacher we're trying to get, etc, etc, etc.

You don't realize how lucky you are. So many things we take for granted. I need to update my "Good Stuff" post to include:

Medication. Checking Accounts. Salary pay. Insurance. Instacare. Co-pays. Stability. Health. Clean water.

If No News is Good News, Then...

... we should learn to be happy with no updates.

We received word today that Malot has been sick and is ill enough that they put him in the hospital. He's pretty dehydrated from his illness.

Fortunately, we'll be there with him in a couple of days. We dealt with a very ill child on our January trip, so we're preparing ourselves for more of the same.

Please keep us in your prayers.

I Am Lethal Nervous

This post is brought to you by Tums, Advil PM and the number 2.

Christmas Eve is National Insomnia Day for me. If I have selected gifts that I know people are going to love, I can't sleep in anticipation of their reaction. I love to watch people's faces when they see what's in the box. I start thinking about it a couple of days before hand and by the time Christmas Eve arrives I can hardly wait.

These last couple of weeks have been like one really long Christmas Eve for me. I can't sleep. The anticipation is killing me. I can scarcely wait to walk into the O and see Malot. I don't know if they tell them that we're coming (can you imagine what THAT anticipation is like for them??).

Last time we walked into the O and all the kids were sitting around in the converted carport. They were singing and just hanging out. Momma spotted Malot right away. I picked out those eyes and knew that was my little boy.

This time, he'll recognize us. Will he be happy? Will he be mad that we left him? Will he be worried next week, wondering when we'll leave him again? Will he be shy? Will he come right to us? What about Jessica? She's so little and it's been 4 months. Since we saw her last, she's moved into the orphanage with all those kids. She's got a much bigger social circle this time than she had last time. Will she remember us? Will she be sad to come with us again? Will she remember her Daddy? (they were best buds last time)

A kind woman from Brent's work brought over a few bags of new summer children's clothes. Thank you, Tricia! So many beautiful things!

Someone very near and dear to us gave us money for our orphanage. We're so grateful for the support for our kids.

3 days, 10 hours and some change....

Bring on the Advil PM.

What's In a Name?

I've been called a lot of things in my day... not all of them repeatable in polite company. (Fortunately, I haven't had obscenities yelled at me since my days as a proselyting missionary. Tracting door-to-door in Florida's bone-melting humidity and obscenities! Who could ask for anything more?)

My family is big into nicknames. You know you're loved when they call you something besides your given name. My Poppa still calls me "Lori Ann Sister". My best friends in high school called me "LoriAnntumr"... and if that isn't funny to you, then I can't explain it. If it is funny to you, then you'll recognize why I loved it. And, of course, my sweet KohlBabySweetStars calls me "Lolo".

My younger brother has a ton of nicknames. He was the baby of the family, and was well loved, so he had all the rest of us to christen him with terms of endearment. Cabaz-eo, Cabey-Baby, and who can forget the famous "Sugwy-Bubwy". While he WISHES we would all forget that one, he was just too darn cute. I may have that one put on his tombstone some day (or write it on the side of his refrigerator box...)

When my older brother was in high school, he was 6'6" and weighed maybe 180 lbs when dripping wet. Everyone called him "Stick", including the teachers. (When he was a senior, and moved to that school as a sophomore, his friends christened me "Sticklet" and it was a name I was proud to be called. I have a pretty cool brother.)

My husband's nickname in high school was "Rosie" (which is a shortened form of our last name). I've always said it takes a big man to be called "Rosie".

So, why all this talk of nicknames?

Our beautiful, gorgeous daughter has a nickname. It actually might be more of a "title". In the orphanage, they call Jessica "The Screamer." She's earned that title and she wears it proudly!

Brent and I were standing there as Nichole was trying to explain to Harry which little girl we thought was supposed to be part of our family. (See story here.) Because Jessica didn't live at the orphanage it was hard for Harry to understand which child we meant. He finally said, "Oh... The Screamer." and Nichole said, "Yes, The Screamer." (we could HEAR the capitalization when they say it. It's a title to be revered and it may have struck a bit of fear into our hearts.)

But that's not the nickname that's bugging Daddy right now. See, Bebe, your Momma's started calling you "Jess". Daddy is not one to say much if something bothers him so if he does bring something up, you'd best listen. Daddy has, therefore, informed Momma that your name is not "Jess". Your name is "dje-zee-ka" (which is the beautiful Creole pronunciation we picked up from Malot.)

I think people grow in to names. And while I truly hope we can keep the "djezeeka" in "Jessica" alive for years to come, I think we'll end up with something that fits us.

Honestly, I think Daddy will call her his princess, his sweetheart, his little girl. And with those terms of endearment, she'll realize she's loved. And he'll realize this is exactly what we've been working toward for so very, very long.

We love you, TheScreamerPrincessSweetheart. We love our Jessica and our Malot.

13 days til we can tell you that again and kiss your cheeks.

Renemen ou, bebes.

Let's Go Swimming...

Malot was so excited to go swimming....


Here he is trying to pull my suit on over the top of his suit. Apparently I wasn't getting ready fast enough.


It was like, "Well, if we just need this suit on, let me help with that!"

Here are a couple Brent took of Malot and Momma playing in the pool. We used that little sippy cup as a rocket because he could pull it under the water and let it go and it would rush back to the top. He would cackle gleefully and do it again.

29 days....

Making Faces with Momma

Malot and Momma making silly faces in the mirror in the bathroom at the hotel.

My hands were shaking, so the pictures are fuzzy, but I love the way his arms wrap all the way around my neck.

30 days...

Welcoming My Sister

I've mentioned that Malot was so pleased to bring Jessica with us.


He pretty much ignored her when we went back to the orphanage to pick her up. He was tired, hot and cranky and very concerned that he get out of there with his mommy. He clung to me the entire time and he was not too happy that Momma was playing with the other kids that Nichole was trying to get to smile on video.


As soon as we arrived back in the hotel room, he was all over her. Loving her, kissing her, talking to her in a baby talk voice.

Brent was trying to give her a bottle and calm her down. This picture is of Malot trying to help Brent hold Jessi's bottle.
And in this pic, he's kissing on her fingers trying to calm her down while she's screaming.

Malot, you're already a good big brother and we can't wait to get you both home!

32 days...

Cute Picture of Malot

This was the day we met him. We'd just returned to the hotel and bathed him and put him in clean clothes. He was so excited about his sandals. He told me they were beautiful.



He has his machins and a snack - what more could a boy want?

33 days...

Nekkid!

Malot had scabies pretty bad. Well, ALL the kids at the O had scabies pretty bad. It's one of those "gifts that keep on giving".

By halfway through our stay, I could see that there were some that needed to be drained. There was one on his toe that was particularly bad. So I took him in the bathroom (the light was slightly less-bad in the bathroom) and sat him up on the bathroom counter so I could get a better look at the toe sore.

Yup... It needed more medicine. So Momma tells Malot to stay there (in Creole-glish) and I take literally 4 steps from the bathroom to where the medicine is and 4 steps back.

When I return, this is what I find:

in my short steps, Malot managed to strip himself down and decided to give himself a bath in the bathroom sink!SO CUTE!

Paper Moving On

We received word that the judge... THE JUDGE.... the judge that has had us in limbo since June... finally signed the necessary paperwork for Malot so we can move our paperwork to the next office.

They also told us that for some reason they are making EVERY dossier go through the Presidential approval step now (we shouldn't have to because we meet every requirement: 35 yrs of age, married 10 years and no biological children) but for some reason we now have the additional step and then it can go to IBESR where it will sit for another unending amount of time.

But at least the judge signed. One down...

Brent updated the info on the lower right to indicate the added Presidential approval step.

School Daze

We have word that they've found a school teacher to come in and teach preschool at our O. AND he speaks fluent English! We're so excited!

You can't imagine how boring it is to be one of 50 kids in an orphanage with no room to run around.

The school season in Haiti starts in September, so our teacher will start then as well. That means that by the time we go down (Oct 12th) Malot will have had a few weeks of preschool under his belt. It was apparent from our first trip that he hasn't had a lot of opportunity to use crayons or pencils. He really didn't know how to use them. It was like watching my 2 year old neighbor color.

I'm so happy that Malot will have something to think about and learn!

Two points for the Lord!

Pictures I Haven't Shared

I really like both of these. Isn't Malot handsome in red? I need to find him another red T-shirt, I think...

We only get one shot at "childhood pictures", so we have to try to make them good!

Goin' Back to Haiti and We're Gonna Hug our Kids....

October 12th we'll be leaving on a jet plane. Another blessed week with our babies. I'm hoping Jessi will be able to play with us this time. Maybe do a little bit of "chase" with Daddy. Some ball toss with Malot. Lots of tickling. A chance for Momma to stretch her limited Creole vocabulary. A chance for Daddy to take his basketball shoes to Haiti and be SCHOOLED in the game by our fine waiter, Vladimir.

A week of baths and playing in the pool and feeding them all they can eat and snuggling for naps, and dressing them and doing their hair and lovinglovinglovingloving them.

Malot, I wonder if you'll be excited to see us or if you'll be stressed and nervous since you know now that we leave at the end of the fabulous week. I wonder if they'll tell you that we're coming. And if you ll be as anxious as we are. I wonder if you think of us and wonder where Momma is. Do you wonder if we're coming back?

Will you recognize us? I wonder if i said, 'Bay-bee" in that special way I reserved for you if you would know my voice.

Are you happy and healthy? Are you sleeping well.

We're getting a teacher for you soon, baby! She's going to start in September. Then you'll be able to have something to do during the day and you can learn and grow.

I wonder if you know how much we love you and Jessi. Please, baby, come home soon.

We Have Updates - Who Could Ask for Anything More!

We received an update today on our kids and it included PICTURES!!! This is a huge deal for us! I don't know if we've ever had an update with pictures before.


The update said that the judge verbally said he would sign and release our paperwork this Friday so our kids' files should be in IBESR by middle of next week. FINALLY. We've basically been waiting since we got back from our trip for this judge to do just that.


The rest of the update says. "Harry said that Jessica is a cutie and she is doing well. Malot too is good."


That just pleases me to no end. If I had buttons, they might burst with my pride right now. Sometimes, it's the little things.


Here are the pictures:

HE LOOKS SO GROWN UP!! It's only been 8 weeks, and he looks so mature.

She's standing. She was wobbly on her feet in June. She's drinking from a cup (at least I think that's what it is). And she's not screaming. These are all pluses for Mommy.

Sometimes, it's the little things.

Hanging With My Dad

He's happy, too. I love his little soft smile, almost to himself. That's our boy.

Peas in a Pod

I love this picture.

It was taken the day we brought Jessica to the hotel with us. They've been together just a few hours. We've bathed Jessi and put her in one of Malot's extra T-shirts for PJs (since we didn't have clothing for the poor child since she was kind of a surprise.)

Malot was so excited about her. I'll have to post those pictures another day (spread out the joy).

But in this little picture, they're playing together with the remote control and you can see he's grinning and she's got a little smile on her face.

We miss you, babies. Come home soon.