Wednesday, January 6, 2010

You Take Much More Than I'd Ever Ask For...

Mean people suck.

And crazy mean people suck more.

Sometimes you encounter individuals that make you wonder how soon they're going to shave their head and start beating something with an umbrella.

It seems, lately, that there are all sorts of crazies in my life. And unfortunately right now, it's not just Haiti, my missing daughter, the fact that my kids are growing up in an orphanage, or "The Bank That Doesn't Want to Take Our Money on This House Because They've Already Received a Government Bail Out, But Thanks for Shopping".

So, in an effort to not give the crazy mean people any more of my life today, I thought I'd share a couple random "social whiplash" stories. At least then we can all laugh and ignore the mean people. ('Cause they suck.)

1. My friend, Melissa, got to overhear someone at her office having this conversation with an executive regarding data on a spreadsheet:
Executive:"So, you’re saying that numbers to the right of the decimal are less than one?"
M's friend:"Yes, every place to the right of the decimal represents another division by ten."

Unfortunately, he wasn't kidding. He was honestly baffled. Perhaps some of you would be willing to arrange for one of your 2nd graders to tutor him in some math skills....

2. I got to hear someone being introduced to the CEO and founder of a large corporation who made this comment directly to the CEO's face:
"Wow! You are not the man I thought you were. I thought I'd met you once when I was out at your facility. You know that tall, handsome guy?..... Yeah... THAT'S who I thought you were..."
Nothing like telling someone, "You're uglier and shorter than I remember..." Or maybe it was more like, "Wow, for a rich guy, you're sure short and ugly!"

(And by the way, the CEO kindly responded with, "Well, it's always disappointing when you find out you haven't lived up to someone's expectations." I thought that was very generous of him.)

3. We were playing a game with some friends recently. I'm not a real risk-taker by nature, so I kept playing my turn very conservatively. My friend called me on it and said, "Come on, Lori! Let's see what your luck does."

I looked at her and said, "Seriously?? You know me, right? What part of my life makes you think I have luck??" (OK... so maybe that isn't funny when I retell it, but we all had a good laugh) :)

Take that, mean people... At least we can still find humor in the craziness of our life.


Perla said...

those are good, lori. i laughed. and mean people do suck. especially the crazy ones. but its good to laugh. sorry for the "no, really?" comment.

Tifanni said...

I love your sense of humor. Crazy, mean people do suck :)

geralyn said...

Oh, you must be a mind reader. I have a seriously deranged lunatic of a neighbor and I actually had to tell her this week, via email, to never contact me again...EVER. Of course I had to tell her twice, but she is a total nut job. How perfect for her, she sells fertilizer. Perfect occupation for her since she is full of it. Crazy mean people are everywhere and they can suckk the life out of you. I am so happy to see you have an outstandinbg sense of humor regarding lifes little foibles.

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