Friday, January 29, 2010

Update

They aren't loaded yet. I will keep you posted.

This is going to happen.

People asked about Jessica.

This is where I can tell you that I've had to not give you the whole story this week because I have had a job to do here and I can't grieve and coordinate at the same time.

She's not coming home. Not this trip.

Here's the info I used in email to try to calm another worried mother yesterday:

So, let me let you in on a little secret.

We probably will not be bringing home our Jessica. Her birth father took her (I don't know if you read my blog so I'll just explain again) a month ago because he was mad at her birth mother and used Jess as a pawn.

At first he wanted us to pay him to get her back then he calmed down and they said that he "did want to bring her back but that he wanted to spend a little time with her first".

Then all hell broke loose and the earth moved and the ground shook and buildings fell.

When we finally found her (which was last Sunday, the 24th), he told our creche director that he'd changed his mind and he no longer wanted to relinquish her. My husband, who is down on the ground in Haiti, found someone to drive him out to where the birth father was (2 hours each way from PAP) to try to talk to the birth father. He'd neither talk to Brent nor would he let him see Jessica. Not even to say goodbye.

Brent said the villagers were all out watching this spectacle and that his translator told him that all of them were shouting at the birth father to let her go - let her really have a life. He wouldn't budge.

I'd been strong until then. That's when I lost it.

I know trying not to cry and I know crying, sister. I'm right there with you.

I've had to put my own grieving aside and focus on trying to get this plane arranged and these governments to move and people to care and someone to listen. I've been very blessed to have a day job that told me my family (and therefore all your families) is more important and they've let me just walk away from my job to try to do what I can to fix this.

See, I'm a project manager by trade. That's what I do - get people to work together, communicate, remove roadblocks and reach the goal. I've used every skill I have and some I never knew I had. Maybe when this is all over, I'll start updating my blog with what's REALLY been happening this week.

I've felt like I'm carrying all our kids on my shoulders sometimes. That I have to personally get them home. And then I have to remember that I've never been "in charge" here. This is God's work. They were His children before I ever thought about them being mine. All I can do is the best I can do and then I need to pray and expect miracles.

I've had to realize that His plan for Jess might not be what my plan for Jess was. But, at the end of the day, THE LORD NEVER CHEATS ANYONE.

I have to trust. I have to move forward in faith. I have to believe that there's a reason that the flight time was changed by "the military" (read that "Heavenly Father") and we got an extra 20 hours.

Hang in there.

So, No, Miss Jess isn't on the plane. She won't be on the plane today. But the birth father changed his mind before and he might change his mind again. I still feel like she's my daughter and we'll keep trying to keep the lines of communication open so we can bring her home if he does change his mind again.

16 comments:

My25Cents said...

My heart is aching and breaking for you. May the Spirit bring you comfort & healing as you go through this grieving process.

I have no doubt the Lord is adding jewels to your crown and that many will praise your name for eons to come.

You are my hero.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

crying again...sorry

I have seen so many miracles in all of this. Today you allowed us to see another on. He knew...He knew before the earthquake even happened and had already put you and YOUR SKILLS in this place long before the earth shook. I know that He does always know but WOW it still just amazes me.

I do not know what to say about your Jessica. We are just going to keep praying with you about that.

You are such an awesome woman and mother.

The Ridgeways said...

You are an incredibly brave and wonderful woman. My heart aches for you, but I can't help being amazed by your faith. I will continue to pray for you and your family and that Jessica's birth father will have a change of heart.

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing person!!!!!!!!!! I can't begin to imagine what you are going through right now with your own children, let alone the hundreds of others you are trying to help. I want to THANK YOU for all you are doing to help bring my nephew home to his new family!

Marianne said...

*Sniff*
You are an amazingly strong family.
I am constantly praying for that plane to get off the ground.
I will now add a prayer for Jessica's birth father to have a change of heart and mind. And for the way to be prepared for her to come home when that time comes.
{HUGS}

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

And wow...what a place you must work for!

Teri said...

There are no words. I am so sorry. We will continually pray that she still finds her way home to you.

Noelle said...

Lori...I love you! I love your heart and your faith and your strength and when I grow up I want to be like you.

I will continue to pray for Miss Jess...for as long as it takes.

The Brown's said...

lori my heart is aching for you! I cant imagine the things that you have had to endure these past few weeks. I am so sorry about Jessica. She KNOWS you love her. God will watch over and protect her. HUGS to you my friend. Thanks for the updates.

JD said...

You are an amazing woman and I have never even met you! You are truely doing Heavenly Fathers work and you will be blessed. Like you said this may not be the time for Jessica to come home but it will happen. But look what you have accomplished for so many other families who will be eternally grateful to you. Hang in there this is almost over!

Anonymous said...

When I grow up I want to be just like you!!! You inspire me...What more can I say.(I'm almost 33 I still have room to grow right?)

Hopeful in Preston

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

Your family is amazing...you to be able work through all of this despite your heartbreak and your husband for his tireless efforts on the ground in Haiti. He is amazingly brave and loving to make that journey into the village not knowing what the concequences might be. I would hope that if Jessica's birth father does change his mind that you will be contacted and would not have to start the entire process over again. I would also hope that the adoption process in Haiti will change because of this terrible tragedy. All our thoughts and prayer are with you.

Jenn said...

My heart breaks for you and Brent and Jess but the Lord does funny things we never understand we will never lose hope on this end we will never stop praying for Jessica to be home with you the family she is meant to be with. You are the most amazing woman I have ever had the privlage to know.

Sandra C said...

God is the master planner. He has it all in control. Continue to trust and believe and he will work it out. I am praying for everyones safe arrival.

Anonymous said...

Lori and Brent,
I am amazed at what you have done with the help of GOD. I pray for you and all of those working to get the children to those who can love and take care of them.
Bill

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