Update

They aren't loaded yet. I will keep you posted.

This is going to happen.

People asked about Jessica.

This is where I can tell you that I've had to not give you the whole story this week because I have had a job to do here and I can't grieve and coordinate at the same time.

She's not coming home. Not this trip.

Here's the info I used in email to try to calm another worried mother yesterday:

So, let me let you in on a little secret.

We probably will not be bringing home our Jessica. Her birth father took her (I don't know if you read my blog so I'll just explain again) a month ago because he was mad at her birth mother and used Jess as a pawn.

At first he wanted us to pay him to get her back then he calmed down and they said that he "did want to bring her back but that he wanted to spend a little time with her first".

Then all hell broke loose and the earth moved and the ground shook and buildings fell.

When we finally found her (which was last Sunday, the 24th), he told our creche director that he'd changed his mind and he no longer wanted to relinquish her. My husband, who is down on the ground in Haiti, found someone to drive him out to where the birth father was (2 hours each way from PAP) to try to talk to the birth father. He'd neither talk to Brent nor would he let him see Jessica. Not even to say goodbye.

Brent said the villagers were all out watching this spectacle and that his translator told him that all of them were shouting at the birth father to let her go - let her really have a life. He wouldn't budge.

I'd been strong until then. That's when I lost it.

I know trying not to cry and I know crying, sister. I'm right there with you.

I've had to put my own grieving aside and focus on trying to get this plane arranged and these governments to move and people to care and someone to listen. I've been very blessed to have a day job that told me my family (and therefore all your families) is more important and they've let me just walk away from my job to try to do what I can to fix this.

See, I'm a project manager by trade. That's what I do - get people to work together, communicate, remove roadblocks and reach the goal. I've used every skill I have and some I never knew I had. Maybe when this is all over, I'll start updating my blog with what's REALLY been happening this week.

I've felt like I'm carrying all our kids on my shoulders sometimes. That I have to personally get them home. And then I have to remember that I've never been "in charge" here. This is God's work. They were His children before I ever thought about them being mine. All I can do is the best I can do and then I need to pray and expect miracles.

I've had to realize that His plan for Jess might not be what my plan for Jess was. But, at the end of the day, THE LORD NEVER CHEATS ANYONE.

I have to trust. I have to move forward in faith. I have to believe that there's a reason that the flight time was changed by "the military" (read that "Heavenly Father") and we got an extra 20 hours.

Hang in there.

So, No, Miss Jess isn't on the plane. She won't be on the plane today. But the birth father changed his mind before and he might change his mind again. I still feel like she's my daughter and we'll keep trying to keep the lines of communication open so we can bring her home if he does change his mind again.