Stopped Short

Dear Miss Jess,
Yesterday I was driving home from work and thinking about what had happened in Haiti a short year ago.  I was remembering the images that came over the news and the fear that came as we realized how thorough and complete the devastation was.

I was thinking about all the prayers and hoping and pleading and miracles that occurred to get your brother and the other children home.  I was thinking about the ache when we realized that you wouldn't be coming home.

A car pulled in front of me just then.  In the back window was a bumper sticker across the back window that said "Pray4Jessica".

And my heart broke all over again.

"I do," I thought.  I pray for you every day.

I'm not alone.

After I posted about you a few weeks ago, I had a lot of people send me very special messages that reminded me again what a powerful, beautiful, wonderful soul you are.  You have touched and changed lives and you continue to do so.

I thought I'd share some of them with you.  I know you'll never see this.  But it makes me feel better to pretend that you do.

M says:
"I thought maybe it was time to share with you that N prays for Jessica every single night.  Even if I forget in the turmoil of getting the girls to go to bed, she does not, and she always asks me to pray for her.   Since the news showed the cholera epidemic, she has added a special rider concerning that to her prayer.   She does NOT want Jessica to have cholera.   It both fills me with joy and breaks my heart at the same time that she has such faith and remembers Jess so fondly."

T&T say:
" I feel extreme 'survivor guilt' in reference to Jessica. It's like a part of me feels guilty for being happy because so much of me is sad that she's not with you and if I let the sunshine fill my whole body then I will in some way be betraying her....I can tell you in all honesty that I, personally, pray for Jessica each day. I pray for the Lord's will to be done. I pray that He will heal that empty part of your heart. And as we get ready to mark the anniversary of the earthquake I pray that He will relieve the suffering of his people by strengthening our hands and our backs -- by touching the hearts of those that have the means & minds to truly make things happen. I know He can. I know it."

K says:
"Nathan and Jessica have put a face to Haiti and helped me realize life’s struggles and many blessings... I pray that this is the year that real change happens! Not just in Haiti, but for all struggling countries, states, cities, families, and people. I pray that life’s blessing outshine its struggles. I pray that the joy Nathan feels every morning when he wakes up next to his Mama, is joy that hundreds more Haitian babies will feel this year."

R&R said:
"Jessica is missed by all who met her"

M says:
"Jess weighs heavy on my heart, the people of Haiti weigh heavy on my heart and we do not do enough. We pray for little Jess and Haiti daily, we pray that Harry will have the strength to face everyday with courage."

Aunt TiTi says that Collin prays for you every night as well.

I find myself wondering what the future will hold for both of us, Miss Jess.

I think of you so often and I'm so glad I had you in my life.  I will always wonder why we lost you and Malot and Lexi.  Why only Nathan was allowed to come home.

I love you, Miss Jess.  I always will.
Lori

Haiti Update - Request for Prayers

I wanted to make everyone aware that Brent's going to Haiti next week.  He'll be traveling with the other non-profit we've partnered with and with students from the U of U School of Architecture.  They'll be visiting the property that we've purchased and assessing it as well as visiting some other orphanages in the area to find out what works and what doesn't about their buildings.

I haven't talked a lot about what we've found out about Jessica in the last few months.  People don't understand how things work in Haiti and how the culture is there.  Harry tells us that Jessica's birth father is "a devil man" and that he threatened Jessica's birth mother that he would kill Jessica if the birth mother tried to regain custody of Jessica.  We've also been told that the birth father has a sister that has told him she'll send him a monthly support check "as long as he has Jessica".  So our Miss Jess is a cash cow for him.  

Jessica was granted Humanitarian Parole the same day Nathan was, so technically, we'd be able to bring her home if the birth father changes his mind again.  

With that in mind, the other thing we hope to accomplish on this trip is to make contact with Jessica and her birth father.  As wonderful as it has been to finally be parents and to have Nathan home, it still doesn't feel "right".  It doesn't seem like it's supposed to be just Nathan.  It's been a real struggle, particularly for Brent because he saw the conditions she's living in.  It still feels like Miss Jess is our little girl.

We're praying that Brent and Harry are able to find Jessica and her birth father and that they'll find Jessica to be healthy and happy.  We're also praying that we'll at least be able to find peace about this situation if it's truly not meant for Jessica to be part of our family.

We're praying for miracles.

We ask that you join us with your prayers (or at least your positive thoughts if you're not the praying kind) that we'll be able to get some sort of resolution and peace with this trip. 

Thank you for your continued love and support,

Brent and Lori

Because Running Around Like a Decapitated Fowl Never Helps Anything...

As communications are improving because the cell networks are coming back online, we are receiving more information about our friends in Haiti.

This morning, we received this word

Dear Hope Families,

I just received word from Harry early this morning on the children. Again the messages are incomplete and very short. But apparently all the children are not together. Harry has not been able to reach Abel so we don’t know if some of the children are with him, but he gave me a list of the children that are not with Nadia. Again, I am assuming the rest of the children ARE with her. He is going to try and reach Nadia today and get all the children with her and take them to the church where he can care for them. He will also try and locate the rest of the children. I know this will be hard to read if your child is on the list below, but please know that we don’t have all the information yet. However hard I want to give the information as I receive it.

As I understand it, these are the children not with Nadia:

Zambrie
Nathan
Abigaille
D'Joe
Jordan Betuel
Jean Tony
Vania
Oliver
Jessica


We need to pray hard to find these children, everyone get your friends and family to pray.
I will continue to be vigilant in getting information.

My heart is with all of you!
Chareyl
(Wasatch Adoptions)

All the children on that list are children of our American friends and family. We know them all and two of them are ours (Nathan and Jessica) and one of them is Tia's (Oliver/Collin).

What do we do when the trickles of information do not confirm what we'd been hoping for?

We pray.

This is the prime example of when we need to "Lean not unto our own understanding" but we need to "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and in all thy ways acknowledge him and He shall direct they paths".

Now is the time to avoid those mental "snowballs" where one thought leads to another thought and soon you are beside yourself with worry and grief. Now is the time to trust.

As we've prayed, many times we have felt the comfort of the Spirit telling us that our babies are going to be OK. And I mean ALL our babies at our orphanage.

In the "gospel according to Lori" (meaning, don't quote me on this), I can see how this latest information could make both the early statements we heard about the children and their location - statements that completely contradicted each other - true.

First we heard that nearly all the children had been moved to the new orphanage by the airport. Then we heard that the children where with Nadia in Carrefour. Unless you've ever tried to move a bunch of children, I don't think you can appreciate how far those 15 miles are from each other.

Perhaps the first message will turn out to be correct and we'll find that many of the children were at the new facility. Just as we've found that Nadia is alive and in Carrefour, but she's not with the children waiting to be adopted by our American families.

We have to trust. We can't be on the ground right now. They've told us that unless we speak Kreyol or are trained in medical or urban rescue we would be in the way. There is no where to sleep but the ground and nowhere to get food prepared anyway.

We trust in Harry. He is an angel among men. He is doing superhuman things to keep the many, many people going at the Petionville Chapel. We trust in Abel - that he'll make it to back to wherever our babies are and that Harry and Abel and Nadia will find a way to get us correct information.

We trust in God. And that, with prayers we really mean, is all we can do.

Bring It On, 2010...

Yes, we have word that our paperwork is supposedly in the next Haitian office. That's a go

Still no word on Jessica. People keep asking me if she's being cared for wherever she is. I don't know where she is. I can't answer that question. I would think her birth father is doing the best he can for her, wherever they are.

I personally have taken to thinking of it as if she's on a really long field trip and the school bus is going to bring her back any minute now...

...any minute now....

One of the football commentators on the game Brent is watching just said, "... he did this by himself with a little help from others..."

Umm.... I think that means that he wasn't by himself.

Isn't it funny, though? We always like to think we're in control of things or being independent or whatever and really none of us is ever alone.

That's one thing this entire adoption process has shown us repeatedly. We're not in charge. We can't change or speed up or fix or resolve the problems that we encounter. We can only choose to let these experiences take us to our knees and turn to the One that's really in charge.

We have different friends that have been praying for the answers to their hearts desires for a number of years. We pray that this year is the year that those answers come to them. That they find themselves where they want to be with the people they want to be with.

And we pray this year brings us our babies home.

Here's some pictures from the last 18 months' of trips to kick off the new year:

I Think of You Whenever Life Gets Me Down...

These have been on the site before, but I thought I'd share them again in the interest of keeping thoughts and prayers in her direction. These are from our trip in Feb of 2009.

Playing Bongos on Papa's Bald Head:



Mama Turns to Goo:


I love the way she starts singing and clapping when she sees her Papa at the end of this one...



THIS is who Jess thinks of when she wonders where her Papa is.

Please keep praying that she'll be ours again soon

Hopalong Jess...

Here's another video to keep Jess on everyone's mind...

Thank you for your prayers. We still haven't had any further word but hope springs eternal.


Suzanne's girls loved this video. I posted it last Feb after our trip. Suzanne had just brought her girls HOME.... FINALLY

She said they loved watching it

I still get a kick out of watching her discover how this cool tube works. She's never had something like this. She's just experimenting with putting things in it and making her voice echo and shaking it all up...

And her sweet little "Didida" as she tries to say her name.

The "Ma-MM" at the end with that little face just cracks me up.

Oh, how we love this little girl!

My Daughter Has a Drinking Problem...

Still no more news on Jess. I assure you I'll update as soon as we hear anything.

I thought I'd give you some pictures to keep happy thoughts of our sweet Miss on your mind.

First off, Jess may possibly have a drinking problem:


Then, we took down these collapsible bins to keep all the toys in while we were there. It took Jess about 5 seconds to figure out that they also doubled as "gunny sacks" and that you could stand in them and hop and it would move with you.

Please keep Miss Jess in your prayers.

We hope your families have a good holiday season.

If We Invested in Funeral Homes, They'd Find a Cure for Death...

If I didn't know me, I'd think I was making up my own life. Seriously... how do these things keep happening to us?

On Tuesday we got word that Jessica's birth father had come to the orphanage and taken her back.

Anyone besides me having horrible, terrible flashbacks to the other times this has happened to us. We lost Lexi and Nathan in February of 2008. We lost Malot in October of 2008. Not to mention Asnica before we started Haiti.

We've had a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad few days.

As far as we know, Jessica's birth father hasn't had contact with her for at least a year and a half. She's not even 3 yet, so that's a very large portion of her life.

HE isn't the one that Jessica thinks of when she wants to know where her Papa is. He's not her Papa.

Today we got word that our contacts in Haiti have found someone from the area where Jessica's father lives and that they are working to get her back. The information we do have is positive as it appears that he does want to bring her back but has some issues he is working through. I don't have much more detail beyond that, but we're trying to have hope.

After all, we got Nathan back in October of 2008. Stranger things have definitely happened.

Please keep our Jessica and our little family in your prayers.

Thoughts and Prayers Needed

Please keep our Jessica and our little family in your thoughts and prayers. We need some miracles.

Who Knew It Worked With Orphans as Well

I've seen people get their dogs or cats to chase a laser light, but we really had no idea that the kids would be so fascinated by it. Jess and Collin where very serious about trying to squash that thing....

Love How She Sings This

Guess even the 2 1/2 year olds pick up a few things from the teacher at the orphanage....

Yeah... I Don't Know What She's Doing Either...

but the picture cracks me up...

Singing Space

Miss Jess figured out that if she pulled all the toys out of the shelf between the beds and climbed in there and then proceeded to sing it would echo nicely.



I know, she's just cute!

We're BAA-AACK!

The kids are beautiful, as always. Jess is just a dynamic, happy little girl.



She's definitely not a baby any more. We have some fun video that I'll have to post in the coming days. She definitely latched onto her Papa and was always looking for "Papa mwen" ("my Papa") by the end of the trip.




Nathan was sick. We were able to get him on an antibiotic, and he felt better toward the end of the visit, but he spent most of the trip crying or sleeping. He's a very sweet little man, and very cuddly. He's Mama's boy and just wanted to be held and for the most part we were happy to oblige him.

We have a crazy week in front of us. We found out while we were in Haiti that our current home has definitely sold and it's closing on the 3rd. The bank still hasn't made a decision on the short-sale home we're trying to buy but we've made arrangements to move into it and rent it while the bank decides what they're going to do with the property. We basically have a week to pack everything up while still dealing with catching up at our respective jobs and church callings.

Brent's sick. Not sure what he's got. It started towards the end of our trip and he felt like it was just his seasonal allergies reacting to something in the tropics. Today, however, he can't even speak because his throat is so sore and he's coughing. Should make for a crazy week all the way around.

"...You're the Only Thing In Every Room You're Ever In..."

I've decided that the Pinewood Derby is a force of nature. I don't know what else could have put a smile THAT BIG on B's face, plus allowed Brent to use his propane torch AND his belt sander while helping B make his car. Good times, good times....

I haven't seen B for a couple of days. I'm starting to get worried about him. I'm sure it's just because it's colder outside so he's not out as much. How creepy is it if the 36 yr old goes over to see if the 8 yr old can play?

To be honest, B's basically a latchkey kid so no one would know if I went by to check on him anyway. I know - insane to leave an 8 year old home alone. Don't get me started. But it's unfortunately not illegal in this state. I've checked. Turns out most states don't have a minimum legal age kids must reach before they can be left home alone. In case you were wondering (which I'm sure you weren't) I also learned that in New Zealand a child must be FOURTEEN before they can be legally left home alone. Doesn't that seem a bit much?? I'm guessing that's exactly the reason most of our United States haven't "laid down the law" on that one. There's no way to make people happy, with or without a law like that. People can be so difficult.

We're down to single digits until our trip to see our kids again. 9 more days... This trip will make one year since we were reunited with our Nathan last October. Remember this:
Another year gone and no end in sight.

I hope my babies know that, for their momma and their poppa, they are the only thing. They're it. Our hearts, our lives, our souls... they're in an orphanage in Haiti with them. I feel like we'll get the "rest of us" back next weekend, when we see these little people again.


We're coming....

Here's Looking At You, Kids...

We received update pictures today. They always seem too come right before our trip. I think they're trying to make sure we're calm and happy when we get there. Then we get another one right after our trip that tells us everything we found out while we were there. No new information comes through between the trips. The dates, weights, updates, all have the date of the last trip as when the data was collected or it says "will be updated on the next trip."


Such is Haiti. Chaos and not a lot of order.


But, without further ado:

"...Cramming Commitments, Like Cats, In A Sack...."

It's been a week for the last month or so, if you know what I mean.

This last week, in particular, I have been ill, which is never much fun. The last time I mentioned something to my little friend, B, about being sick he said:

"Jews dus be a diddle tid. Diddle tids don't get tick." (translation: "You should just be a little kid. Little kids don't get sick.")

I love that in B's world, I can just make myself be a "diddle tid" and it would solve everything. I'm also very glad that "diddle tids" are all healthy in B's world. Not sure where he lives, exactly, but... I also love saying, "Diddle Tid". It makes me giggle every time.
___________
A few months ago, I was asked to serve as the Stake Relief Society President for one of the single student stakes at the university in Orem (a "stake" is an administrative grouping of several congregations or "wards") It's been an adventure already and I really love the opportunity to be with the young people (the people in these wards are all single college students between the ages of 18 and 30). We get to do a lot of training and instruction and we spend a lot of time visiting the wards and fellowshipping. I think Heavenly Father knew that I needed something to keep me busy while we go through the rest of this waiting to get these babies home.

Tonight we had a dinner for the single sisters before the broadcast. Fortunately, we were able to have a local grocery store deli do the food for us, so that made it immensely easier on my part. It's still always stressful to plan something for that many people and try to figure out how many are going to make it out of those who said they were coming, etc, etc. I'm very glad it's over and everything turned out well.

The broadcast was fabulous. It's always such a blessing to be able to be reminded of how blessed we are and how lucky we are to have the Gospel and Jesus Christ in our lives. We truly live in a remarkable time.

It's less than three weeks until we get to see our babies again. This time on Oct 17th, we'll be kissing cheeks and giving loves. It's kind of strange, but you do go through a little check list and re-count all their fingers and toes and have a moment of awe at the beauty of these children and wonder how you were ever blessed enough to have found each other. In those moments, the wait disappears and all that you can see is THEM and FAMILY and how someday this will all come together.

We're coming, Jess and Nate. We can't wait to see you.

You fill my dreams and my heart.

Nathan Needs Hugs

We did get actual update pictures of the kids this weekend. It's good to see that they look pretty healthy.

Jess is growing up!



Mr. Nathan always looks stressed and worried in these pictures.


Nathan is a sweet little soul. He'll be two on Thursday of this week (August 20th). I literally can't bear to think of everything we've lost and missed in his young life. We got his referral when he was a 6 week old baby and now he's a 2 year old boy and there's still no end to the timeline for when we'll get him home.

I've mentioned before that Nathan has to come get a hug every minute or so when we're there. I wanted to share this little clip with you so you can see that he's just THAT SWEET.

Yes, he knows how to hit. He's two years old and he lives in a 3-bedroom house with 68 other kids. (and no, that's not a typo. 3-bedroom house. 68 children.) You'd know how to hit as well. But watch the little snatches of his face you can glimpse as he runs back to play for another 40 seconds. He just needs to be loved and reassured and comforted. He's a happy, sweet, tender little guy.

This is just a little clip of the kids playing. It lasts about 2 minutes. You'll note that Nate comes in for a hug 3 times in that 2 minutes.

In the video, Jessica keeps repeating something over and over again. If anyone knows Kreyol and can tell me what on earth she's saying I'd love that! Nathan picks up on it and repeats it with her.

Brent took this video while I was in the shower, so you can see the kids banging on the bathroom door. Jess says something quite often that sounds like "Dada", but they don't use that word in Kreyol (they say "Papa"), so I'm not sure what it is she's saying.

My mom would say Nathan's a "tender-hearted pork-n-bean". Long story, but he is. He's just SWEET and gentle and needs to be loved.

I hope you're joining us in praying these government agencies in Haiti will stop creating roadblocks for these sweet babies and will process paperwork so my kids, and so many others, can finally come home to their forever families. There's really not much else we can do be pray and wait.

Guess Who Will Be In Charge At Our House?

Yeah... they're THAT cute....

I love this one...