We had a Women's Conference for the women in the 8 congregations in our immediate area today. I was somehow asked to chair that event and I'm so glad it's over. It's a lot of work to feed 400 people. And it's funny how there's never enough time when you're preparing for something like that. The most important things rise to the top and the rest falls away.
I've been thinking about time lately, specifically all the time we're missing with our kids. I'm still marinating on how to express those thoughts, so I haven't written about it yet. It's painful and it's complex and I'm not sure which words will ever express it adequately.
I joke that this whole thing is like a bad divorce and Haiti has full custody and we get a week's visitation 3-4 times per year. Our trips to Haiti are never long enough, frequent enough or close enough together. You can't build a family on 4-5 days together every 4-6 months. Both Jessica and Nathan are much too young to grasp that Brent and I are thinking about them every minute and that we'd have them with us all the time if we could. They're too little too understand words and concepts like "orphanage" and "adoption" and even what it really means to be a Mom or Dad.
It's like my brain has split into two parts. On one portion there's a continual "Haiti and My Babies" program running. Are they OK? Do they have food? What else can we do? How else do we raise money for the orphanage? With the remaining brain cells I try to function in day-to-day life.
But this is where we've been led and we feel like this is where our children are. We've had a hard road this last year to get to Jessica and Nathan, but it feels like this is where we're supposed to be. Somehow those hotel rooms with their nasty floral bedspreads seem like home. And because we're with our babies I guess they are "home".
Someday, we'll finally get them HOME.