Lay-Over

I'm in the Denver airport, on my way to Miami so I can make my way to Haiti. I love that Denver has FREE WIFI! Yeah, free!

There's a lot on our minds right now - it's hard to remember where we were just 6 months ago when we were going down to meet Lexi and Nathan. We know how badly we can be hurt after this trip. We know what can go wrong. I was a lot less nauseous last time when I was naive.

We're so very grateful to Brent's sister and her husband for giving us a ticket to Haiti. They gave us their sky miles and we were able to get my ticket for this trip. Given that our income was cut drastically that was a huge blessing. We wouldn't be here without their generosity and thoughtfulness. We love you, too, Garrett and Trudi.

There have also been a few kind souls who gave us money to take to our orphanage. Last time we went we were openly soliciting donations and we were overwhelmed by the outpouring of support that was provided. We don't have as many people traveling this time, so we weren't able to carry anything extra. We appreciate the awareness and compassion of those who found ways to help anyway.

It's a weekend of "meetings" for us. Last night we got together with some of Brent's old friends from high school. He had a great time seeing those people again and remembering those days. They haven't seen each other for close to two decades (Brent hates that I keep bringing up how long it has been).

It was fun for me to meet the people that were there in Brent's more formative years. Lincoln had scanned in all their pictures from their high school dances and activities and it was great fun to watch them all groan as they remembered dates or saw what they were wearing. The Eighties were unkind to clothing in so many ways.

Later last night we were able to meet the extended family of our best friends. They hadn't been able to be together as a family for a number of years and it was wonderful for us to meet them.

I've been thinking about how June 9th is Malot's birthday in a number of ways. Based on the paperwork we've received thus far, they don't know when his birthday is. If you consider your birthday as "the day you meet your parents", then tomorrow is Malot's birthday.

I'm sure a lot of soon-t0-be mothers get nauseous when thinking about the events that lead up to meeting their children. I think if those mothers have previously lost children, then they'd confirm that what I'm feeling is normal. It's perfectly normal to be sitting in the airport, barely able to sip your Coke, wondering if tomorrow is really going to be the first day to the rest of all your family time together. Are we really going to be a family? Is it going to work THIS time? Or is this just another trip on the road of our lives where nothing is as planned and everything takes longer than it "should" and then it's taken away from you anyway. Sometimes life is like have a Band-Aid ripped off over and over and over and over.....

We had to make this trip. If we didn't schedule this trip and pick Malot, we would have quit trying to adopt at all. We've been through all the flavors of adoption. We've tried everything we could. We're so close to "done" emotionally.

It would be easier to stay in our little world with just the two of us and get used to having Brent and the dogs as my family. It's easier to not put yourself out there - particularly when "out there" is another country and the entire process is out of your hands. It's easier but it doesn't hurt any less.

My friend says that life "doesn't get easier, it just gets different." We can't really say "things will be easier when..." because as soon as you reach that point there are new challenges. I don't know anyone whose life went as "planned". Divorce finds you. Infertility finds you. Poor health finds you and puts you in a headlock. A spouse doesn't find you. Any time you love someone you make yourself vulnerable. But it would be a pretty dull world if it always stayed the same. If there weren't new opportunities. If we didn't try. If we couldn't fail. If we couldn't hope.

As much as we're afraid right now, we're also hopeful. And with hope come opportunities. Chances to be the one served by your family. Chances to help other people reach out to orphans they'll never meet by using your experience. Chances to be buoyed through this next week by the prayers of all the family and friends that are right there with us - hoping and nauseous and scared.

But hoping.