Some people are amazing. And then there are those that you just wonder about.
For those of you that don't personally know me, I'm 6' tall, size 11 shoe, pretty thin. Years ago, I was working in the physical therapy department of our local hospital. I worked in the spine treatment center, specifically. One day, I had a patient on the treadmill and as I walked over to check on her she said (in a snarky tone), "So, how BIG are your feet anyway??"
I'm not sure how one is supposed to respond to that. "Big enough, thank you very much for asking!"
This sort of thing - random comments from strangers - happens quite often in the world of "international adoptive families". When your family looks like a mini-United Nations, people are naturally curious. But sometimes, their questions are enough to give you social whiplash.
Take some friends of mine - they are both Causcasian and have two Haitian children. Noelle said that she'd be somewhere like the parking lot of the grocery story and notice someone staring at her and her children. As she'd pass them, they'd invariably yell something like 'Is your husband black?" And Noelle being Noelle would say, "No... is yours??"
But the one that takes the cake just happened yesterday to a friend of mine. This friend has a son who is about 6 or 7 and they're adopting a boy and a girl from Haiti. They've been to visit them twice and her son is thrilled about his new brother and sister (who only need a visa appointment before they can come home! Pray that the appointment is scheduled soon!!) Yesterday she had an appointment with a specialist that she sees about once per year. During the appointment, the doctor asked rather rudely if her biological son "even knew" that the children they were adopting were black.
Hmmm....
Seriously, what did she expect my friend to say?? "Are you kidding me?? When did Haitians get dark skin? This changes EVERYTHING! Thank you, Doctor!!"
So, what's your favorite social whiplash story?? Do tell...
9 comments:
Being the mother (at the time) of a tiny, blonde, "snow white" pale preemie daughter and a big healthy African American cinnamon brown/black haired son - who were close enough in age to ride together in a double wide stroller...I will forever remember two "brilliant" comments:
"Oh, how sweet! Are they twins?"
And my husband's favorite: "Is your wife black?" --Often asked while I was standing right next to him with my pasty white skin!
...To which he would reply depending on his mood and patience level, either:
"Yes, she is." and I would smile and wave....
or, "No, but the mailman was!"
My adoptive, oldest son is almost 3 yrs older than his younger brother - but we're tall people - so the younger brother is almost bigger than his oldest brother. I get quesitons constantly that they're twins and when I say "no" they reply (RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY OLDEST) "Well he's really small" Hello!?!?!?!?! So I usually say something like, "Yes, but he's super fast" - would love to make a personal comment on their biological appearance as well but I'm trying to set a better example :)
I had 2 different people at church ask me if I was sure that this adoption thing wasn't a scam because "they read somewhere" that people had been scammed. This was after the fact that I had been down to see my kids twice, and been in the process over a year. Even if it were, what do you say to that? That is horrible!!!
OK... that totally reminds me the visiting teacher who was assigned to me when we first moved here.
She sat in my living room and rambled about herself for an hour and a half.
She asked me one question - "Do you have children?"
When I responded with "No, but we're trying to adopt", she said, 'Are you sure you want to do that? Not everyone is meant to be a mother."
Seth had a guy who knew he was in the adoption process ask him if he had "thought about adopting one of those Afro Americans because most of them don't want their kids" as Seth sat there looking at him while sitting next to a ton of photos of our Haitian kids. Like these poor "Afro Americans" are a thing and not a who.
Lori-
No comments about the kids, but I do get the big foot jokes a lot. I'm only 5' 9" with size 11 feet, and I often get the "are those feet or water skis?" type of comments.
'Are you sure you want to do that? Not everyone is meant to be a mother."
Oh Lori! That one definitely takes a huge slice of cake. How horrible for you to listen to such a woman. I've heard those types of things so many times. Lots of hugs your way...
I've had plenty. Having lost my hair two years ago, I now get to add "bald" to the list of things for people to say crazy stuff about. I guess we all have those things.
1. At church a lady comes up to see my newly adopted son. He was very malnourished and tiny so at 11 months he still looked like an infant. He was clinging to me and she said, "Oh my! He looks just like a monkey! What a cute little monkey! Don't you think he looks like a monkey?" I didn't even know what to say so I just kind of wandered off. What I wanted to say was, "Lady! You don't call a black person 'monkey'. What's wrong with you?!"
2. Family member says, "My daughter (who lives in the east) is going to homeschool her oldest. She doesn't want her going to the school where they live. She'd be the only white child there!" This time I DID have something to say and I gave her quite an earful. Not about homeschooling but about suggesting the child shouldn't be in a school because of the color of the other children, not because of the quality of the education she might receive or the influences at the school. yuck.
3. When first talking to a family member about our choice to adopt,and become a transracial family, she says "But what about when he gets older? Who is he going to date? Who is he going to marry?" What the ??? I told her that just like I do for my other two children, I will pray every day that he will marry a woman that is loving and kind and has his same values and can make him happy. Then her follow-up question, "and what if she is black?" What??
4. and for baldness, I LOVE it when people say, "You are so lucky you don't have hair. Mine takes forever to do! You can just throw on a scarf or a wig." Yeah. Thanks. I'm the luckiest girl on earth.
Okay...I'll stop.
i just wanted to say that i had no idea you are 6 foot! So cool! I try to claim I am but I'm a mere 5'11"!
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