I've been reprimanded for not updating my blog in a timely manner.
I have to say I can definitely tell a difference in how I feel this time around. With the trip to Haiti 47 days away, I'm cautious at best, and distant at worst.
About 2.5 years ago we had an adoption fall through about 30 minutes before we were supposed to pick up our daughter. We'd already met her and played with her and we'd redone her room... That was hard.
Then to lose Lexi and Nathan after "playing house" in Haiti for a week... that was devastating. I guess having an adoption fall through is like a miscarriage in the "conventional childbirth" world. But in both of our cases, we've loved and held and kissed and snuggled our kids before we lost them.
I know for Malot's sake, I need to focus on what we have. I'm positive that I'll feel more "in the moment" when we get to Haiti and meet him. Right now, I'm guarding.
This will be a different trip as Lexi was so very, very ill that we didn't do much physical play last time. Nathan was too little to be chased and swung around. That'll be right up Malot's alley.
47 days. And holding.
5 comments:
Lori - I can totally see and understand how you're feeling here. So much more guarded after what you've been through. Don't beat yourself up. You've been through an awful lot of heartache and prayers. Take it one day at a time.
I can't wait to hang out in 47 days. Do you think we can arrange a play date?
you are awesome, lori. of course you are guarded. thanks for posting with such open honesty. I can't wait for you to meet Malot.
He's going to love playing with you and Brent. Every kid needs a fun dad like "Uncle Carl" and Malot is going to absolutely love playing and snuggling with you both.
We are all with you in this, all hanging by our heartstrings as well, Sis. We love you all so much.
No one could ever fault you for protecting your heart somewhat for now. We're pulling (and praying)for you guys!!
TnT in MD
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