Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Adventures of Trudge Boy, Episode VI: "Is That a Threat or a Promise?"

I was on my way home yesterday. I turned off the main road and onto a side road on the last leg of my trip home.

Ahead of me I could see there was a car on the side of the road with its hazard lights flashing. As I got closer, I realized it was a brand new vehicle. It made me curious about what would be causing it problems already. When I got closer still, I realized it was actually moving down the side of the road at about 2 MPH.

And that's when I saw him.

There was a boy walking along in front of the car with his fingers laced behind his head, his elbows pressed up around his ears and his eyes cast toward the ground.

He was trudging.

"Oh, sweet friend," I thought. "Apparently you have been blessed with one of those rare mothers that actually MEANS what she says. Let me guess... you didn't believe her when she said if you touched your sister 'one more time' you were going to be walking home. Am I right?"

Trudge Boy needs to learn to pick up on some context clues, I'd bet.

Prior to the car actually being pulled over, his mom probably used the "I don't care who started it - you're going to finish it!" line. Or maybe it was the ever popular, "I'm not going to tell you again." Or how about, "She's younger than you. You need to be the more mature one and let this drop."

Yeah, I've heard it all before. Trudge Boy probably wouldn't believe it, but I actually spent 18 years of my life as a full-time professional child. I've been in a semi-retired state for the last 17 years or so. I know what I'm talking about here. I have been "in the thick of thin things". I know what it's like to be "grounded to within an inch of your life" and I lived to tell the tale! (I really don't know what that phrase means in general but in my childhood home it indicated Mom meant business!)

Maybe Trudge Boy is the oldest in his family and didn't have someone going ahead of him - blazing the trail. I'm the 2nd oldest in my family and my older brother did some blazing for the rest of us. Like the time he snuck out of the house after Mom told him he couldn't go to a party and Mom called the Highway Patrol and he was brought back home in a squad car. Yeah.... that was one of those times when the rest of us kids were sitting back and taking notes. "Note to self: Don't mess with mom!"

(Which reminds me that I don't think I ever properly thanked my brother for "taking one for the team" now and again. Probably saved the rest of us from some things. He's a good brother.)

Trudge Boy, you weren't cursed with one of those weak mothers who talks and talks but never does anything. Your mom is a woman of action. She's a woman you can follow. She's a woman you'll appreciate more as you grow up. Who knows, you might even thank her one day.

So, for future reference, Trudge Boy... watch for the clues. The "Don't make me pull this car over" is a warning shot across your bow, as it were. That means Mom has designated the entire vehicle as a "no fly zone". You'd best pay attention from that moment forward. Watch for the white knuckled fingers on the steering wheel when there isn't traffic around. Watch for that vein in the side of her neck - that's always a big indicator.

And for heaven's sakes if you haven't learned it yet, write it down and commit it to memory: "Don't mess with Mom".

You can thank me later.


Heather said...

This is what I think for a fund raising idea...you should hire out as a stand up comedic....seriously I need depends just reading though your last posts...I have identical photos of my little brown baby in a suit case (though it was me who put him in it). You know crazy has set in when you spend the next 27 hours just trying to figure out how to make sure he would be safe in there and prison doesn't even enter your mind...

Tifanni said...

Hilarious. You really should go into stand up, and yes my brother was trudge boy many times :)

mlg said...

That was so funny as a mom of teenagers it really made me chuckle, good for that mom some would say she is being so mean but I bet he only has to trudge along once in his teenage lifetime!

Perla said...

that is great! i wish you'd snapped a photo of that. i am always proud of mom's sticking to their guns!

Field Family said...

I want to be a "Mom of Action" too. I need to start following through with my own threats. And I agree, you are quite funny. You make my day with your funny stories and your take on life. I can see why Chris loved working with you.

Maggie said...

It was the local town police that were called, and he came home with his friends. The officer who stopped them gave him the option of riding in the cop car, or going straight home...
When the car pulled up in front of the house, every light was on, and the front drapes were wide open, and Mad Momma watched him get out of the car, which then disappeared into the night so quickly, one wondered if it had really been there!
To my defense, I didn't call the police until I had gone to the house where the 'party' was supposed to be, and got that boy's parents out of bed. Since they could offer no suggestions, I came home and called DAD, who was on military training at the time. THAT'S where the idea for calling the police originated...don't mess with DAD!
I'm not sure what my options would have been if we weren't living in a small farming community at the time, where I knew most of the police force. I give them credit for being understanding of my concerns.
And, I will be forever grateful to the neighbor who heard and saw the Great Escape and was willing to call and let me know!

Brown's said...

that was the funniest post ever:O)!!! You totally make me chuckle! I am seriously going to try this. i wish there were more moms like this out here. I got the stink eye at church on sunday because Mckena was in the corner. What is up with that??

Anonymous said...

Okay, now you have to ask Brent about the time we had to "walk home" on that lovely highway in Alpine - can't remember what it's called. I about died when they actually left us there! I thought it was just an idle threat, but NO! They LEFT!!!! My poor, tender heart didn't know what to do! LOL! And, yes, they did come back for us, but not until I was on the verge of a major break down. (Then again, maybe this is just one of my made up memories!?! Who knows!)

Brent said...

Once again you are living in your own little fantasy land of being left on the highway while your older brother shoves a hose down your throat with Dad watching.....

Love ya sis.

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