Sweet, sweet little man

Mama's been insanely busy with work, work and school.

I need to write a couple of these things down before I forget them forever, so here's a quick post.

Nate's very shy.  He was in his preschool class for 6 months before he made a random comment and Miss Julie said another little boy exclaimed, "I didn't know that kid talked!"

He's had some troubles going to Primary class at church on Sundays.  He has some very... confident... kids in his class and it makes him uncomfortable to be around so much confident noise.  (how's that for being polite).  I was trying to feel him about about what was going on in Primary and it seemed that no matter how I asked the question, he'd respond with "I dunno."

 This mama is a project manager and business analyst by trade, so I'm used to getting at the root of a problem, so while we were doing something I started asking him questions from various angles, trying to get him to tell me how he felt about this situation.

All he'd answer with was. "I dunno... I dunno..." 

Finally I asked him about a boy that I knew he liked to be around.  By this point he was exasperated with me and just wanted me to STOP ASKING QUESTIONS.  So when I said, "What do you like about J?" Nate responded with, "(loud sigh)... I Don't Know, Mama... He has a beautiful face" (said in a tone like, "THERE.  I said something nice about him.  Now LEAVE ME ALONE.") 

So hard not to laugh.

Nate's also very worried about not having a sibling, lately.  He knows Mama's body doesn't make babies, but he knows that you can get children through adoption (obviously).  Here are a couple of the comments he's made lately:

"Mama, when you get a baby, its butt will stink,  but that's OK because I will love it."

"Mama, when you get a baby, make sure you get one that's afraid of the curvy slides so I can teach it not to be scared because I'll be the big brother."

This is why Mama calls him Sweetness....

Dis-lee-land!

This last week we went to Disneyland with Aunt Tia and Colly.

It was so much fun and I'm so glad that we were able to go with them.  The boys definitely had more fun together than they would have had we taken separate trips.

The boys both got chipmunk hats and wore them the whole time.

They also seemed to have near-boundless energy, and were often running or dancing ahead of us in their chipmunk hats.

 Nate didn't really get into the whole Disney scene.  He kept asking why everything was fake or why everyone was wearing crazy costumes.  He did like the rides and being with his best buddy, though!

Crud, Cute Stuff and More Crud...

So I went back to school in October.  Given that I"m the sole breadwinner, I feel a ton of pressure to ensure I can stay well employed.

School's been going OK but this research paper from hell is kicking my can.  Why did I pick a topic even remotely medical?  Because I'm an idiot, that's why.

Anyway, that's why I never post anymore.  Work, work, school, more work, school, oh and try to be a good Mom.  That's my life.
______
My son is the sweetest little man in the world.

I had a really rough day at work a few weeks ago.  I actually cried on the way home from work.  I never cry.  It's something that happens maybe once per year.

So I walked in the door and told Brent I'd had a crappy day and that I'd actually "cried all the way home" and then I went on with my evening.

Later that night Nate and I were brushing our teeth.  He said, "Mama, you cried today?"

I said, "Yup."

He said, "You was in you car?"

I said, 'Yup.  I just had a hard day at work."

He said, "You was by youself?"

I said, "Yes, it was just Mama in the car."

He said, "But I would be with you, Mama..." (with this sweet concerned look that I'd been alone in my moment of need).

Sweet boy had been thinking about that since he'd heard me say it and wished he could have been with me, even if it was just to provide moral support while I cried.
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I've been debating for some months about whether or not to post about this.  That's why it's buried in another post.  We'll see who actually reads this far.

We've had some horrible things happen in Haiti in the last 6 months.

For starters, we actually had all our prayers answered and found a multi-millionaire whose goals were the same as ours who wanted to pay for everything for Bel Haiti.  And I mean EVERYTHING.  His first order of business was to get them out of the damaged, lousy building where they are in Petionville and out closer to the property. 

Lets just say when it came down to moving day, Harry wouldn't move.

And then lets just say that we lost our sponsor because Harry wasn't willing to work with him.  It's like the old saying goes, 'Beggars can't be choosers" and we can't blame him for moving on to find another Haitian orphanage that would help him reach his philanthropic goals. 

And then, the new year started and we found out that the Haitian Government is seizing our land. 

This is all the abridged version, but President Martelly wants anything worth anything to "help him reach his goals of educating all the children of Haiti" and after months of Haitian Roots negotiating in Haiti, it ended up that the President just didn't care what our goals where - he wants that land.  Shows it was a good spot, I guess.

The bright note is that at least they're going to pay us what we paid for it.

Brent's having a really hard time.  He's supposed to be focused on Bel Haiti full-time, but he kind of feels betrayed by Harry and Haiti right now.  He's pretty patient, but he doesn't forgive (easily) when you do cross him. 


So... I don't know what's happening in Haiti and with Bel Haiti.  We've had such a tight year anyway and then to lose the two good things we had going....

I know Harry's been reaching out to others for financial help, so I felt it was time we at least discussed the abridged version with our reading audience.

Once again, Haiti makes me grateful for what we have.

L

Two Years...

Two years ago today was the longest day of my life after the longest two weeks of my life.


Two years ago yesterday was the day that I went to bed thinking that we were never going to get our kids out of Haiti, despite finding a plane and in spite of the good readers of this blog raising $10,000 for jet fuel in a day. 

A DAY, PEOPLE!

You're part of the miracle.

Two years ago yesterday was the day the Haitian Prime Minister had disappeared and we just couldn't get the signature we needed for our babies to be on that plane and our plane HAD to depart.  Haiti's airport wasn't allowing layovers. 

Two years ago today was the day I woke up to find that God keeps His promises and that He never, ever cheats anyone and that I should never waste a second doubting. Never.

Two years ago today was the day that this blog received tens of thousands of hits as you all tried to "will" that miracle to happen by hitting F5 and refreshing the page.

Two years ago today was the day that Nate finally got on that plane and finally made it to America.

Two years ago today was the day that Chareyl, exhausted more than any woman should be, had to get on that plane and leave behind the last few children, who did all finally make it home within a few weeks.  Chareyl will always be who I want to be when I grown up.

All of that was on my mind this morning as I dressed my son for Church.  I asked him if he thought the hotel we'll stay at (in a few weeks when we go to California) will have a pool.  My sweet boy, remembering I don't know how to swim, put his hand on my arm and said, "Mama, just do what I do.  We have to go under the water, but you just watch my eyes and do what I show you.  And if you get scared, it's OK.  You can just climb out of the pool and I'll be there."

('Cause you know... his round of summer swimming lessons make him Michael Phelps.)

He's comforting me.

He's teaching me.

He's blessing me... daily.

My life hasn't been the same, thank the Good Lord, since that day two years ago, when my son finally made it through the Haitian paperwork and landed in Miami.

And I'm grateful every day for the blessing of being a Mama to this sweet little man who is fascinated with animals and concerned about others and wants to know if every character in every book we read has a family like him.

Thank you for your prayers and helping to make that miracle happen.

I thought you'd want to know you've changed lives.  And we're still grateful.

photo Mike Terry/Deseret News

photo Mike Terry/Deseret News

"Why caterpillars make racoons?"

He means "cocoon" (and I know they make chrysalises, but you try getting a 4 year old to say that)

____

Mama, When I grow up, can I be a turtle holder?
- A turtle holder?
-(exasperated sigh) You know... the guy what holds turtles!

(thanks... that cleared it right up for me.)
(also, remind me to tell your dad that we can't plan on you supporting us in our old age)

___


It finally snowed like 3 weeks after Christmas.  Nate was SO excited and ran to the window exclaiming "It's Christmas!"  He was sad to find out that it didn't mean it was Christmas again.

We spent 5 minutes getting him suited up for him to spent about 45 seconds in the skiff of snow before deciding the wind in his face was more than this Haitian wanted at the moment.

__

Nate was staring at me the other evening.  I asked him what was wrong.  With much joy he exclaimed, "Mama, those lines on your forehead look JUST LIKE train tracks!!"

He's so proud of me.

Then he walked over and used his finger to "choo-choo" across my brow.

Sigh...

Nate: "Mama, I'm smart?"

Mama:  "Yes, you are, Sweetness."

Nate: "But, Mama, what can I do with smart?"

Mama:  "Anything you can imagine, Sweetness.... anything you can imagine."

Yeah... Seems Like We're Overdue for a Post

We had a great Christmas!  It was so much fun to see Nate so excited.  He's been waiting for Christmas since right before Halloween, when he somehow figured out that the Christmas we had last year would happen AGAIN!

Right after Thanksgiving, we made his letter to Santa.  Since he doesn't read, we copied pictures from the Internet and put those in his letter.  He carried that letter around and slept with it and pulled it out and stared out it for the next 4 weeks.  Mama finally made a photocopy of it right and we mailed the tattered one to Santa.  He was SO EXCITED to think that it was going to get to Santa.  He kept asking if Santa had received it yet and which of the items on the list he thought he'd be getting from Santa.  That letter was a constant companion for a solid month.

Christmas morning he was so thrilled to open packages and tear through the wrappings.  Total change from last year, when he was totally satisfied after one package and we had to coax him into opening the next one. 

Nate received a some animals (the Playmobil kind, not the REAL kind) this year.  He's been fascinated by whales lately and likes to imitate their songs.  I have to admit, it's adorable, even though it sounds like a munchkin trying to make the sounds of Chewbacca after a mortal flesh wound.   He got a whale and some hippos, so it sound be no surprise that he has spent a great deal of time taking baths so he can make the whale swim and dive and, of course, sing.  Apparently, even the melodic sounds of a dying Chewbacca sound better with the bathroom's acoustics.

Brent's coaching JV basketball again this year at a little charter school at the south end of the county.  He enjoys it, but it seems like we don't see him much any more.  We appreciate Grandma Mint taking Nate every day while Daddy goes to play with the boys.  He's damaged his other knee recently and is meeting with the surgeon next week.  He's having a hard time remembering that he's nearly 41. 

New Primary class for Nate tomorrow - Mama's worried about him moving to another class.  He still has such a hard time in noisy places (and Jr. Primary Sharing Time is a NOISY PLACE).  But, I'll still be there with the Sunbeams, so we'll see how it goes.  We've been talking up moving to the next class because he's getting bigger.

He LOVES the idea of growing up, much to Mama's chagrin.  Every morning, he stands as tall as he can and asks if he's grown overnight.  The other evening he said, "Mama, I'm getting bigger?" and I said, "Yes, you are" and he said, "Don't worry, Mama.  I'll still be your little boy."

Super Magic Squeaky Shoes

So my Uncle John and his lovely wife, Gail came into town a few weeks ago to see the family.  I kept thinking I'd get pictures from a relative and then post about this, but apparently my "get around" isn't getting around, so we're posting as is.

Nate still has some stress in noisy areas, particularly with lots of people.  Let's not talk about what restaurants are like.  At any rate, Nate had a "freak out" moment and Mama took him in the other room while he calmed down.

When we came back into the area where the family was, Uncle John could see there was some stress, so he came over and said, "Nathan, did you know that your mom has magic shoes?"  He then proceeded to reach down and "squeak" the toe of my shoe, while holding a squeaker (like from a dog toy) in his hand so Nate couldn't see it.

You should have seen the look on Nate's face.  Magic!  He was enthralled!

Uncle John kept it up with the rest of the "littles" that afternoon.  Everyone's shoes had some magic spot on them and the kids were all amazed.


That night when I was getting Nate ready for bed, he wanted me to squeak his feet.  Of course I don't have Uncle John's magic fingers, so neither his shoes nor his toes squeaked when Mama did it.  Nate said, "Just smash it harder, Mama!"  He was determined to get a squeak sound out of there somehow!

Several times since then, when Nate's in the bathtub, he'll say, "Mama, my finger's magic?" and then he'll reach down and "squeak" his toe.  Obviously, it makes no noise, but he always says, "Yup.  I can hear it!"

So, Uncle John... the "icing" on the cake for this story... I was just sitting with Nate on my lap and my laptop and he was calling out the kind of toys he wants to ask Santa to bring.  We're googling pictures and then putting them on a letter for Nate to send to Santa.

Nate's listing off all the awesome toys he can think of from everything he loves... Thomas the Train, Toothless the Dragon, Whales, Elephants... and then he says, "Santa bring me an Uncle John toy?"

I told him Santa doesn't have Uncle John toys, but we have our very own REAL Uncle John.  He was satisfied.

Thanks for making our holiday season merry and bright!

Lori

P.S.  He LOVES the cowboy rubber ducky.  It's definitely a favorite!  Thank you again.

Nate-isms

Dear Nate,
Tonight you watched something creatures of the sea on TV.  The later you came in and told me that you saw a "huntback" whale while we were at the lake this summer with your cousins.  You also told me that you need "diver pants" and "diver glasses" (meaning "wetsuit" and "goggles") for the next time we got to the lake so you can play with the "huntback" whales.

Then you asked me if the reason fish chew with their mouths open is because they don't have Mommies to tell them to not do that.  I just shrugged my shoulders because I was biting my lip so hard in an effort to not laugh that I couldn't speak.

You are a delight and a marvel to me every day.  You are such a sweet, kind little boy.

Mama was very ill one day last week.  I came home from work and went right to bed.  You said, "Aren't you gonna eat dinner, Mama?" and I told you that my tummy didn't feel well.  You told me that my tummy hurt because "it was Jesus telling me I need food in my tummy".  (no idea where that came from)

I fell asleep and a few hours later I felt little arms wrapped around my head.  You were rocking your torso back and forth as best you could while laying beside me.  I said, "What are you doing, Sweetness?"  You said, "I rock you, Mama, so you can feel better."

I took you grocery shopping with me last week.  Each time I'd step across the aisle to get something from the other side of the shelves you'd push the cart over to the side where I was now standing and say, "Here, Mama. I push it so you not haffa reach so far."

I love you, Sweet, Sweet Little Man.

Thanks for letting me be your Mama.

Gratitude

Dear Sir,
I rushed into the grocery store and nearly missed you standing there, proud and straight, your skin weathered with the years.  I stopped and watched you from the side for a moment.  Smiling so kindly to everyone as you clutched a fistful of red paper poppies.  I saw you had one to a tiny little girl and knew that you knew that she had no idea why it was red poppies today... Veterans Day.  I wondered how many had rushed by you as you stood, so patiently, trying to gather funds for the Veterans of Foreign Wars.... trying to get the rest of us to remember that we're grateful that we haven't seen what you have seen.  Your military hat noted that you'd served as a Chaplain in the Army and I wondered what you'd helped others endure as part of your efforts to serve - your country and your fellow soldiers. 

I pushed some money into your bucket.  Then I stepped over to you and tried to shake your hand.  Your skin looked as delicate as wet Kleenex and I was afraid to touch you.  I noted that your hands were gnarled and twisted with arthritis and I wondered if just existing was painful for your fingers.

I grasped the side of your palm and gently squeezed.

"Thank you for your service," I said.

You met my gaze with your milky-blue eyes that have seen so much and said, "I did it for you - and I was happy to do it."

I hurried away because of the tears, but somehow I don't think you'd have minded. 

Thank you, sir, for the reminder of what you and so many other brave men and women have done.

For me.

And for my son. 

Thank you.

Wolverine. Homecoming Queen.

Thought it was about time to share some pictures from Halloween.

Nate was a cowboy, and a darn tootin' cute one at that!  Everyone kept asking if he was "Woody" from Toy Story, but really he wanted this costume because he'd get to wear his boots.

 

And, Aunt Titi invited us to her ward Trunk or Treat.  They took pictures of the kids beforehand.  You can see Collin is better at "SMILE!" and Nate is bent out of shape that we took his candy bag before we took these pictures.

And Uncle Nate got in a great evening as The Headless Horseman

Milestones

Dear Sweetness,

There are days where it seems like my life has never been without you.  There are other times where the reminder of the miracles that had to occur to get you home is nearly overwhelming.

Our sweet friend made this "SuperNate" cape for you.  We took it to Haiti when we went to visit you in June of 2009.

That was then:

This is now:

You're running around in your cape today, playing with the lasso that goes with your cowboy Halloween costume.  You've lassoed the giraffe and showed it how tough American Haitian Super Cowboys can be.

Thanks, M, for the reminder of how far we've come....

And how INSANELY blessed I am

Ummm... I Think You Started It

This just happened:

Nate:  "Mama, this is kinda weird."

Me:  "What's weird, sweetheart?"

Nate:   "This talk we're having."

I Know... It's Been Forever...

Dear Nate,
I haven't posted for quite awhile because Mama's life is crazy.  But you've done some very sweet little things I wanted to jot down before I forget them forever.

-You LOVE books and you love to have stories read to you.  We're down to a set "two books and then scriptures" at night and you're finally used to it so you don't get upset that I won't read to you all night long.


-You love to go to the library with me to pick out new books.  The other week we were looking for books for you.  I'd pull one out that I thought you'd like and I'd show it to you.  I'd say something like, "What about this one, Nate.  It's about elephants" or "This one has animals".  You could see where this was going and so then you pulled out a book to show to me.  It had a mouse and a ball of yarn on the front.   You said, "Mama, how about this one?  It's about making balls and a quiet, little mouse."   :)  Sometimes I'm not sure if you're four, or forty....

-Several weeks ago we were running errands with Titi and Colly and we stopped to grab a bite to eat.  You were sitting on the bench next to Collin, happily munching fries, when suddenly you started crawling across Collin to get out of the bench.

"Nate, what are you doing?" I asked.

You said, "I need to fold my prayers" and there, in the middle of the restaurant, you dropped to your knees and folded your arms.  I was laughing so hard I almost didn't get this picture:

- The other day you asked me some random question and I didn't know the answer to whatever it was you were asking.  I said, "I don't know, Sweetness".  You sighed in the most exasperated way and said, "Well, if you don't know, I can't tell you!!"

-You really like knowing where things are going and what's coming next.  I figure you've had enough unbelievable things happen in your young life that you deserve to be cautious about how things are going to work out.

Sometimes, though, it's fascinating to see what you're thinking about.  Here's an example:

Grandma came over the other day to visit.  When she got up to leave, you asked her why she was going and she said she needed to go home and feed Grandpa.

About three hours later you came up to me and said,"'Mama, I not know what Grandpa eat.  What Grandma make for him?" so we had to call Grandma to find out what she'd fed him.

- You've been sick lately.  Seasonal allergies building to a sinus infection.  The day that it really hit and you couldn't breathe, this is what you said to me when I arrived home from work:  "Mama, my nose is broken AND... it doesn't work because it's full of boogers."

Hate when that happens....

- You and Mama went on a date to see the Lion King in the movie theater.  I was so excited to take you.  As the movie started, I leaned over and whispered, "Thanks for coming on a date with me."  You didn't move your eyes from the screen, but leaned back and whispered, "You welcome".

-I love the way you refer to time.  Anything before right now is "Last day" or "Last-er Day".  So you'll tell me a story and say, "'Member Last-er Day when we...."  LOVE IT!

-Speaking of time, you've been learning your days of the week.  Now, if you hear Daddy or Mama mention a day of the week (like, "On Saturday, we need to...") you'll hold up your fingers like you're counting and you say, VERY matter of factly, "Monday, Friday, Tuesday." and then you give this look like, "I know, I'm awesome, right?"

-  You don't like that I have to go to work every day.  If I don't get out the door before you wake up there's usually weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.  I remind you that Mama has to work and I say, "Why does Mama have to work?"   You sigh deeply and say, "So you can pay monies".

You know it has SOMETHING to do with money and I think it's cute that you say it that way, so I don't correct you when you say it.

- You can now swallow a pill with water!  I know, it's shocking!  I don't think my baby brother can do that and he's a dad himself.   But Benedryl actually works the best for your allergy nastiness right now so we taught you how to swallow it (liquid Benedryl gives me the heebee-jeebies as my childhood was filled with ridiculous reactions to mosquito bites.  Much better to swallow part of a pill in my mind).


-You know that you got your dimples from your birth mom in Haiti.  We actually have a picture of you with her and she's smiling so we look at it and talk about her.  Sometimes you'll come up to me and say, "Mama, I get my 'imples from B, right?"  (not spelling out her name for Nate's own privacy)  I love your 'imples, Little Man, and I'm grateful every day for the Haiti Mama who gave them to you.

I love you, Sweetness.
Mama

You'd Have Thought He'd Have Noticed by Now...

This has been in my drafts since AUGUST, I guess... Posting it finally:

Nate is in swimming lessons with Colly right now.  He loves it.

 Best buddies!

Why are you kissing me??

There's a 6-year old girl in his class that is quite a little spit fire.  This last week she said to me, "Did you adopt him?"

I said, "Yup... How did you know that?"

She said, 'Because your skins aren't the same color."

I said, "Yup... Nate's from Haiti."

She said, "Nuh-huh.... then how do you know what he's saying??" (picture the snotty look like she's totally just busted me in a blatant lie)

I said, "Because he speaks English."

She scrunched up her nose... "Ooohhh...."

So the best part of that story is that Nate heard me retelling that to someone and I hear him exclaim, "Our SKINS not the same colors???"

I really didn't think I'd have to spell that one out for him, but....

Dear Nate,
The other day you and Mama were snuggled together, watching a movie. 

My cell phone rang, and I picked it up and forwarded the call to voicemail.

You said, "Joo gonna tell 'em that joo snuggling wit joo boy?"

Sweet, sweet child.  Mama loves nothing more than having you home to snuggle with.

I love you.
Mama

Introducing... Mr. Melon

This is Nate pretending to be a potato bug:

He says his "potato bug name" is "Mr. Melon". 

Getting So Excited That You Can't Keep Your Shirt On....

Speaking of birthdays, Mama's was earlier this month.  Daddy took you to pick out something for my birthday.  You picked out something that you "knew I'd like".  You were so excited that you couldn't keep the secret.  The night you picked it out, when Mama got home, you took my hand and said, "Let me show you" and you lead me through the entire house trying to figure out where Daddy had hid the presents (you know... so you wouldn't do what you were NOW doing).

Every single night after that you asked me if it was my "dinosaur birfday" yet.  So much for secrets...

The night of my "birfday" when I came home from work, you met me at the door, so excited.  I had to whip my phone out really quickly to try to record your sweetness.

You were so excited that you were twisting your shirt around while you were telling me. 

Sorry that the video is sideways, but you get the idea....

It's My Birfday Par-tay

Dear Nathan,
You turned 4 yesterday.  All your aunts, uncles and cousins came down to celebrate with you, along with Aunt Titi and your best buddy, Colly.

We had it at a local park where the kids could play on the big toy.  Papa grilled burgers for everyone.

This was your face when you saw the elephant from Brian and Kim.

Just like last year, you weren't expecting the presents.  It surprised you that we were doing that, too.

"It's Thomas!" (Thanks, Trudi)

That's what friends are for!

This was your face when you were opening your first presents.

Bike Helmet from Grandma and Grandpa "Mint"

You're such a sweet, beautiful, wonderful little man.  We love you so very much.

Happy Birthday, Sweetness!
Mama

Manners

Dear Son,

Daddy's taught you that the polite way to ask for something is to say, "May I please....".

That means that when you come up to me and try to order me, "You read that book to me!" then I say, "How do you ask?" and you say, "May I please you read that book to me?".

It makes me laugh every time.

I love you, Mama

How Accurate Are Your Sources?

Dear Nate,
The other night you and I walked to a park in a nearby neighborhood. They have a "big toy" there with several slides. You went down the first one and kinda fell over towards the end of the slide and felt like the slide "grabbed your face" so you weren't too happy about that slide.

I tried to get you to go down the "twisty-tube" slide.  You sat at the top and Mama tried to coax you down.  I showed you how it is such a fun slide that it makes our voices sound funny when you're at the top and Mama's at the bottom. 

You agreed that was awesome and were content to just sit at the top and yell things down the tube to me. 

Then I tried to shimmy UP the tube slide with my 6 feet of body to get around the corner far enough that you could see me and confirm that it was NOT, in fact, a tube of death into the unknown.

You laughed at Mama  wedged in the slide but still weren't gonna move.

I kept trying some positive "You Can Do It!" motivation from the bottom of the slide.

You were trying to gear up, and psych yourself up to go down the slide by yourself. 

That's when I heard your soft little voice say, "Mama.... Joo SURE kids does this??"

Sweet, sweet little man.

I love you,
Mama

Hearts and Thoughts They Fade

Dear Sweetness,
Mama's got to write down some of the sweet and silly things you say and do because memory WILL fail me.

The other day you were talking about Colly.  You started listing off all of your favorite toys of Colly's.

"He gots a elephant.  He gots a dinosaur.... Really, he gots EVERYTHING!"

____

You are REALLY bothered by the bugs of summer nipping at you.  It makes you so mad and frustrated.

You asked me the other day, "Why bugs eats peoples?"  I told you that they must think we're tasty.

You sighed, knowingly, "Oh... like when Daddy eats my chocolate neck...."

And somehow that resolved it for you

____

You made the comment the a few months ago that something was "expensive as an elephant".  Since then you've asked me if you were "obedient as a dinosaur" (thanks to the "How Does a Dinosaur Say Goodnight" book and our frequent discussions about every detail of every picture). 

Another day you snuck up on me and "bwah'd" me to scare me.  I pretended to be VERY scared and said, "Wow!  You snuck up on me" and you said, "Yeah!  I sneaky as a hippopotamus!!"

Not EXACTLY what I was thinking of when I think "stealthy wild creatures", but what do I know...

____
We have a marble statue replica of the Christus in our home.  The other day you told Daddy, "That's Jesus.... I like his head."
____
One night in your prayers you said, 'Thank you for playing in the dirt with Daddy..."

I love to listen to your prayers.  You're also pretty frank about how you're feeling about things.  The other night I was getting us ready for bed and said, "Nate, are you going to say your prayers?" and you looked at me and said, 'Umm... no, probably not."

Why do men start young with that attitude to spiritual things??

you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Someday, Little Man, you will grow up.  

I pray you grow to be a man who will make good choices.  

I pray you will be a man who serves others. 

I pray you will grow to be a man who trusts and loves God.

I pray to always love you so much that nothing would be more devastating than losing you.

I hope you choose to love another person so much that they alter every other thing in the universe.  They are  the light of your day, and the darkness they can bring is of the darkest night.  

And by that I mean that I hope you choose to be a daddy one day. 

As I look back on my life, the day you came home marks the end of one life and the beginning of another beautiful, magical existence.  

It's as if time shifted and everything now folds into "Before Nathan" and "After Nathan".  

I think differently because I think about how to explain it to you. 

I dream differently because my dreams include you. 

I see differently because I think about sharing it with you.  

I eat differently because now I think about how to introduce that food to you, or whether you like it, or if I can slip it into your potatoes without you noticing. 

Mama has a dear friend who was vital and instrumental in matching us to you, getting us to Haiti to visit you over and over again and getting you out of the country out of the earthquake.  I feel like I wouldn't be a Mama without "Mama Chareyl" because I wouldn't have been able to get you home to me without her.

She has so much faith and trust in God and she's continuously serving others. She's the kind of person your Mama wants to be when she grows up.

Mama Chareyl lost one of her biological children this week.  

Your Mama's heart is breaking for Mama Chareyl.  

I have only had you for such a short time compared to the 23 years she had with her son.  But I know Mamas are supposed to fix things and be able to make it all better for their babies. At least we think we are.  And that feeling doesn't dissipate when our babies are adults and are making their own choices.

For now, Son, we will pray for Mama Chareyl and her family.  We will pray for peace for them in this brutal time.  We will find ways to show our love to them.

And Mama will hug you extra tight tonight, because we never really know how long our universe will be magically altered by that special kind of love.

No matter what, Son, know that I carry your heart with me.

Love, 

Mama

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                    i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

 -e.e. cummings

Seriously, He Is This Sweet...

Dear Sweetness,
Mama needed a nap today.  She didn't sleep well this weekend. 

I tried to get you to snuggle with me and take a nap and you kept wiggling and moving and asking the same questions over and over again.

After... AN HOUR of that, I got frustrated.

"Nate," I said, "I need some sleep.  Will you please hold still?"

I settled back down and closed my eyes.

Seconds later, I felt your little lips softly pressing against first one and then the other of my eyelids as you kissed them.

Then you cupped your little hands over my eyes ever so softly and said, "You sleep now.  I cover your eyes for you.  You just sleep now."

I love you more than I can ever tell you.
Mama

Uncle Nate, Jr

Nate remembers all sorts of things.  It's sometimes hard to keep up with his train of thought because he's remembering some random event from months ago.

The other night he asked me what "Jr." meant.  I asked him where he'd heard that.  He remembered that the mama elephant in "Dumbo" named the baby elephant "Jumbo Jr." (which it a name that lasts for about 2 seconds until the other elephants see his ears and change his name to "Dumbo").  We haven't seen that movie in a long time. 

I explained to him what it meant and he thought for a bit.

"So, my name Uncle Nate, Jr?"

Well, essentially, yes.  You're Uncle Nate and Daddy, Jr because you're named after both of them.  Way to make a connection, Baby Boy.

Birthday Tribute

The adoptive family of another child from Haiti recently sent a wonderful donation to Bèl Haiti. There was a note on it that said the donation was in honor of the adoptive father's birthday, donated by his parents. What a beautiful tribute and a great birthday idea!

It thrills us to see the generations of family that whose lives are eternally changed by these beautiful children.

I tell Nathan every day how grateful I am to be his Mama. I know his grandparents and great-grandmas are in love with him as well.

I'm so grateful that God knew where our son was when he was born and how to get him to us.

Worth every second of the long, arduous journey to get him home!

Thank you again to that family for the birthday tribute.  Harry will be thrilled!

Buddies

Colly came to play this past week.

After the boys got all muddy in the backyard, they came inside and played "jump off the couch together" and "make a silly pose for the camera"

This picture reminds me that I took off their muddy shoes but didn't clean their legs before they started jumping.  :)

I'm so glad you have such a good buddy. Thanks for coming over, Colly!

Damn You, Dreamworks!

Nathan loves trains, elephants, whales and masha-tatoes.

He also loves dragons

He has a "Toothless" dragon that he loved to play with.

Until he left it out one day and Divot chewed the end of the tail off.

My sweet OCD son, who has to have things lined up and his toys clean, was heartbroken over the broken tail.

We explained that's what happens sometimes when you leave your toys out and that we couldn't fix it.

Daddy ended up putting the toy away for a few months.  Toothless recently emerged from the Toy Witness Protection Program, and Nathan has been having fun with him.

When he's not crying over his broken tail.

His language skills have improved since Toothless was originally broken.  After I explained to him (for the umpteenth time) that we couldn't fix it, he sobbed "but Hiccup fixed Toothless's tail!"

Damn.

So that is how I found myself fashioning a dragon prosthetic out of felt and sewing it around Toothless's stump.

Nathan is thrilled.  He's even told the dragon, "We fixed you!"

Now I know what I'll feel like when he comes home from school and excitedly announces that he's going to be broccoli for the school play.....