Angels Among Us

My Dear Miss Jess,

I miss you more right now than I have in all the gaping, missing heartaches I've had since you didn't get to come home.  You should be here with Nathan, being so excited that you have "one more sleeps" until Santa comes to bring you toys.  You should be marveling at the magic that suddenly comes this time of year and dusts the world with lights and scents and wonder.

I wonder so often why we both had to go through this - why we were led to you when we didn't get to keep each other.  I wonder if you remember us like we remember you.  I wonder if your heart aches, wondering why you're still in a situation where you don't get food regularly and you're not safe.

I haven't really posted about you since we found out that you weren't coming home.  Daddy tried again to find you in June when we went down and Harry tried again at the end of July.  We did hear at the first of the month that you're sick and in Haiti's version of the hospital.  I worry, I pray, I wonder.

It seems like you were an angel in our lives... a bright, happy, singing spot of joy that danced across our lives and hearts and then passed by like a comet that only comes every 1000 years and then disappears forever.

We've had tight finances for Bel Haiti this year.  It's a hard economy and it's hard for people to donate.  We're scraping the bottom of the barrel for the org right now.

When I chatted with Harry earlier this week, he said they needed money.  Haiti always needs money.  Sometimes it seems like there will never be enough and that no matter what we try it will never be enough.  Harry was trying to explain how he knows that we're busy with work and things here in America.  Sometimes things are a bit rough in translation.  The way it came out he said, 'I know you forget about us because you're more important than us."

That broke my heart.  I know that's not how he meant it.  I know that he knows we love him.  But on some level, he's right.  I don't do enough.  I get too busy in my day-to-day and days will go by when I haven't tried to do anything for Haiti.

This week, my dear friend  asked me if I'd received his Christmas present.  He said he'd made a donation to Bel Haiti.  When I checked the paypal account for the org, I found that he'd sent a overwhelming sum of money.  The note on it?  It said, "For Jess, with prayers of comfort".

My friend told me that, even though he's not a praying man, he still says a prayer for you every day, Miss Jess.  You changed my life.  You changed others' lives.  You remind me of all that's good in the world.

Maybe that's why we needed you.  Why we lost you.  So that the children left behind in Haiti would have a name, a face, a personality.  So I'd be able to remember that we do this for you.  For Harry.  For Nathan's birth mom.

I miss you today.  I miss you every day.  I wish I was your Mama and I wish you were home.  Instead I pray for your comfort, your health and your future.

I love you.
Lori