Today was Mother's Day.
I hate this holiday. I think I always have. I don't like Hallmark telling me what to do, so I completely loathe this day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day...
Don't even get me started on Arbor Day cards.
Church is also hard on this day. I have had many Mother's Days without children. Many, many years where I didn't know if I'd ever be a mother. I've been OK with the fact that other people could have what I could not, but I know this is a hard thing for many, many women. I know many women who avoid baby blessings and who can't stand hearing that someone else is expecting.
It can be very, very difficult to listen to Mother's Day talks about perfect mothers.
I was talking with the guys at work about Mother's Day and I said, only partially joking, that maybe instead of handing out potted plants for Mother's Day, the church should give out razor blades. We beat ourselves up waay too much, I think.
But it's more than that, really. I've realized in the last year and a half since you came into my life permanently that EVERY DAY is Mother's Day.
Thank you for being my son. Thank you to your Haitian mom, B, who made the decision to let us raise you because she could not. I know she wanted to raise you. She changed her mind when you were about 7 months old and she took you home for a few months. I'll never know what she went through when she decided again to place you but I'll always, always be grateful she did.
You have changed everything in my life, Sweetness. I don't need one day per year to realize that.
I love BEING with you. I love living life with you by my side. I love - not being a mom, but being YOUR MOM.
I love you,