No words

I have no words....
We'll be in Haiti in 12 days to meet the little boy that we hope will be our son.

I have no words in Creole to help him understand. We'll be going to his orphanage to pick him up, and then we take him make to our hotel with us for the next 5 days. The streets aren't safe, we stay in the compound of the hotel behind the walls topped with razor wire and behind the armed guards at the entrance.

There is a pool. and we've guessed on toys and clothes sizes. And hopefully he is well and we can go for walks around the compound.

I have no words to describe what I'm hoping to see as my big teddy bear of a husband gets this little boy out of any shyness he may have. I imagine it's mostly female workers at the orphanage, so a big, tall, strong, bald, white daddy that's all for Malot should be quite exciting for him.

And today a friend said she would take BobbyJones for the week we're gone, and now we just need a place for Divot to stay.

Checking and reprioritizing the donations, and constant rearranging to make sure we don't exceed weight limits.

The adventure begins again.

3 weeks

We meet Malot 21 days from today. 20 days til we get on the plane. I'd better make sure everything is still lined up with all the reservations.



We FINALLY got his official referral today. We've learned that they don't know when his birthday is. He's somewhere in his 3rd year. His parents were very poor and his mother gave him to his father when she could no longer feed him. The father had him for a few months and then when he could no longer feed him he left him at the orphanage. He weighs 26 lbs. We received this little blurb about him:

Malot has a radiant smile. He loved following two of the young women volunteers around. He shared well with the other children but when given a new toy car he refused to put it down and a few days later he was still carrying it around.

And we're told he has a healthy appetite.

You know how sometimes you see someone and then you hear their name and you think, "Yes. They look like a (insert name here)"?

What does Malot look like? The only boy's name we could agree on was Nathan and we've lost him. We need a new name for Malot. We'll probably keep Malot for his middle name. And remember the last name we have to work with is Rosenlof. That's where it gets tricky.

So.... What name does Malot look like?

T minus 25 days and counting....to Haiti.

Scott and Michelle, bless them and their family, are still going to go. Though they've lost their beautiful daughter, they feel strongly that there is another child in Haiti that needs them and they're going to move forward. Our thoughts are still with them and sweet Ellie has been in my thoughts so much.

For purely selfish reasons, I'm grateful for that because without them the trip would be canceled. It's just us and them going this trip and there have to be two families to be able to make the trip cost effective.

I am trying to imagine an active 3 year old (we think that's how old Malot is - still don't have the details) who doesn't speak English, doesn't know us from Adam and wondering how this will play out. It was different with Lexi and Nathan - Nathan's an infant and as long as you love him, he doesn't care who you are and didn't have a "stranger" concept yet. Lexi was too sick to care.

So, any suggestions on the answer to this riddle? "What's small enough to fit in a suitcase, easily entertains a 3 year old, and doesn't make noise?" (I'm anti-toy noise.)

I'm worried about our O (that's "adopting mom-speak for 'orphanage'") as it seems there have been a lot of sick kids. We can't get information. Perpetual limbo.

I'm worried about when we'll be able to get Malot home. When will our family start? When will we finally get the paperwork we need? Nothing has happened AT ALL since we lost Lexi and Nathan. We haven't moved forward with any of Malot's paperwork. Time lost that can never be recovered, but that's the nature of the Haitian adoption beast. We can't MAKE these children ours.

My friend, Melissa, is going to Haiti next week to visit her children. She's been waiting over 2 years to get them home. And is still waiting. Governments, and paperwork, and UNICEF - oh my!

This too shall pass....

Right?

Memorial for Ellie

Our friends held a memorial for their dear baby girl who passed away in Haiti before the governmental process would allow them to carry her home and make her well. I thought thier post, and the poem written by one of their daughters was very touching. I've copied that post here:

We had a memorial today in honor of Ellie. We all wrote her a letter and
planted a fushia tree by our front door in her memory. We sprinkled the dirt with goldfish and we will be making a marker and burying a copy of the letters and the goldfish package soon. Kelsie gave me permission to post her poem that she wrote to Ellie:

Brown
Brown, Brown, Brown, Brown
It is not a color
it is a beautiful little girl
It is the color of the precious baby
the sight of her is so shocking
as she is so adorable
her smile is not
one you can forget
because her teeth are oh so white
It is her big brown eyes
that stun you the most
the twinkle that you see
when she is so happy
It is her tiny hands that
grabs the goldfish crackers
off the silver mirror that portrays her golden face
It is the love that you see
when you look at her
at first it was confusion,
now it is love
every color, blue, pink, and green
looks good on her,
her hug is so warming
she sleeps so softly now,
she is happier then ever,
now that she is taken from this world
because she was too perfect.

by Kelsie

You know it's going to be A DAY when you have to change your outfit 3 times before you can finally get out of the driveway because the neighbor's very muddy Lab defiles your clothes by trying to do unspeakable things to your leg.

Rage

I miss Ellie.

I have to admit that I've had daydreams about Malot and Ellie falling in love some day in the future. They're such beautiful children and I could only imagine what their own children would look like.

I fancied that we'd be able to keep in touch with Ellie's family after we brought both kids home and that, through the years, love would blossom.

Ellie won't be coming home.

Why does this little girl have to be a statistic?

Haiti has the highest child mortality rate in this hemisphere. 1/3 of Haiti's children are severely malnourished.

And it is the politics that prevent these children from escaping the hell that kills them and coming to homes were they can get food, preventative health care, love, families, kisses, playtoys, clean water.

Ironically, for all the good it does to ensure that the world's children get the basics they need, UNICEF is the largest cause of the political delays we experience in international adoption. While they go on the record as supporting international adoption, the first thing they do when they move into a country is "encourage" the local government to keep their children in their country as a means of preparing for a better future. If you aren't familiar with UNICEF, that's the "humanitarian" end of the United Nations. The UN's peacekeepers have occupied Haiti for several years now. You know the old saying, "beggars can't be choosers". If you can't provide for your own it is very easy to be swayed by whomever will try to lead or help you.

One quick place to get information on what's going on in Haiti and a bit of the background on some of the issues that are experienced by international adoptions (particularly in Haiti in the more recent posts) is http://achildsvoiceinternational.blogspot.com/ . The slideshow in the link on her Sunday, May 4 post is particularly chilling. It was compiled by a charity called The Mercy and Sharing Foundation that is trying to help Haiti's children.

We Love You, Ellie!

We just received word that our little Ellie Gordon passed away this morning after getting very ill. Ellie's adoptive parents went to Haiti with us in January and they met Ellie for the first time when we met Lexi and Nathan for the first time.



Ellie had a beautiful smile and the most hauntingly expressive eyes. It was such a blessing to be able to watch her open up with her new adoptive parents in the short week that we spent with them in Haiti.


My heart is breaking for Scott and Michelle.


Our thoughts and prayers are with you.


We love you, Ellie!

Thought you'd like pictures of the kids. We don't have any, so you'll have to make do with these of our dogs....

Truth in Advertising?

It intrigues me to see what people put on their vehicles.

Today I saw a truck for a local business with this painted proudly on the side:

America and Service
is our
#1 Priority

Well, apparently grammar isn't your #1 priority... Can you really have TWO #1s? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?

I personally would never put a bumper sticker on my car. Bumper stickers equate to immediate depreciation in my book. I do appreciate a good oneliner, however.

Currently my favorite bumper sticker (edited version) says:

Jesus Loves You.

Everyone Else Thinks You're a Jerk.

40 days to Haiti.

No word on the job front for Brent.

And a friend of mine has 3 little boys ages 9, 7 and 6. He said the 6 year old (we'll call him "B") is the biggest handful because he's figured out how to tease and torment his older brothers! He's always "poking" someone to get their reaction.

My friend said the other day the older two started whining again - tell-tale sign that B was at it again. He said, "B! WHAT are you DOING?"

B's response?

"Having the time of my life!!"

:)

You have to admire his honesty! It is fun to poke something and watch it squirm, right?

Why It Doesn't Always Pay to Be Creative for Creative's Sake

I had a weird "remembery" today....

The year was 1978 and I was in kindergarten. For those of you that are younger than me, this was before they'd invented such things as washable crayons and markers that only write on certain surfaces. We used pipe cleaners and tissue paper as art supplies and we liked it that way. (anyone else remember making "hyacinths" for Mother's Day by twisting little squares of tissue paper around the end of your pencil and then gluing the little twists onto the page?)

My teacher was Mrs. Haskell. I remember her not being much taller than me - it's possible I was freakishly tall even then. I was always on the back row towards the center in the class pictures... but I digress.

At some point, sweet Mrs. Haskell (who seemed to be "grandma age" to me) decided to get "creative" with our art projects. She wanted us to branch out and explore our creativity, I suppose. It's also quite possible she was drunk.

That's the only logic explanation I have for why it suddenly seemed like a wonderful idea to her to give the class a very large container of bubble gum, and tell us to chew it up and then make "pictures" by stringing the chewed bubble gum into shapes across our papers.

You heard me right - she intentionally told a room full of five year olds to not only play with their food, but gave them permission to string slobbery, sticky, sugary, chewed bubble gum out into deliciously long strands while sitting in close proximity to the other children. And of course, we all complied. What 5 year old is going to say "no" to permission like that??

I'm not sure how many other girls ended up with so much gum in their hair that it had to be cut out, but I know I was one of the proud members of that list. It seems like it was Jennifer Talley's fault. She was stretching her pre-chewed gum with reckless abandon and a rather large wad of it ended up in my hair. I remember walking home from school that day with a lump o' chewed gum in my hair. It kinda grosses me out now just thinking about it. And yes, Mom tried all sorts of stuff to get it out and nothing worked. we ended up with a good trim to de-gum my hair.

I mean, seriously, what was Mrs. Haskell thinking?

How It All Began...

I had the opportunity to tell someone how Brent proposed to me the other day and I remembered that it really is a great story.

We met at a in the bishop's office at church. We were both in leadership positions at the time and so we had meetings together. He was the only one who "got" all my "witty banter".

Our first "date" (term used loosely) was when I invited him to a Halloween Party that a bunch of us were having. It was a "How to Host a Murder" Party so there happened to be 4 girls and 4 guys because that's how the game is set up. Brent loves to say that on our first date, Lori went out with another guy. It seems that I wasn't very clear to Brent that it was a group event and he was more than a little confused when I arrived to pick him up with another male friend. :)

It's also interesting that Brent never really asked me on a date. I asked him to come to that party, and then we went to a fireside with a bunch of people kind of spontaneously the next evening. The night after that I went over to his house and read him some bedtime stories (it's one of my mad skills). And after that, we were just always together.

Brent had season tickets to the symphony when we first met (he really is a Renaissance Man). I guess he probably did ask me to go to the symphony that night. It was December 11th and it was very cold. Brent was working as a baker (he makes European hearth breads and at one time trained with members of the US Baking Team. Did you KNOW there was a US Baking Team??) and so he worked horrible hours the first year or so of our lives. At any rate, my baker boy feel asleep during the concert. He was exhausted and I couldn't blame him.

I tried to get him to just let us go home after the concert but he kept insisting that "you can't come to Salt Lake in December and not stop by to see the Christmas Lights on Temple Square". It is quite a sight if you're ever in the area (or on this continent, for some of my other friends) in December.

At any rate, due to the temperature, we slipped into the Assembly Hall (one of the old buildings built by the pioneers) on Temple Square to get out of the cold. There was a choir performing some Christmas music in there. Christmas time on Temple Square is an event - and you can move around through these performing groups and displays and things as you'd like.

So there we are, standing at the back of this hall... lots of people either sitting on the benches or just standing to listen to the choir. I'm listening to the choir and looking around (I'm an avid people watcher) when suddenly, I see a familiar face in the crowd... and then two faces...

"Brent, there's my mom! And your mom! I didn't know they knew each other!" I said. (It was late, I was cold... cut me some slack). He looked at me like, "Come on, Lori. You're smart enough to figure this out." Then I noticed his sister there amongst the crowd as well. And she was holding a huge bouquet of flowers. And it all clicked with me and I knew what he'd planned.

There, in front of an Assembly Hall full of strangers and our moms and his sister, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. He knew that it would be a special moment for these other women in our lives so he invited them to be there, which I still think is so sweet and thoughtful! His sister handed me the flowers and the ring was tied into the bow around the bouquet. There was also a note (which I saved of course) that said:

"There is no confection so sweet as joyful reunion."
From the first time we spoke it was as if our two souls had known each
other for eternity. As time progressed, the truth of this statement rang
clear. I know that the future will show that for us this quote is as true
as the Gospel. I love you and want for us to never have to reunite
again.

He did well, no? It's a great memory. I'm grateful our moms and Trudi were able to be there. It's always meant a lot to me that he took the extra time to include them.

And So It Goes...

I've been reprimanded for not updating my blog in a timely manner.

I have to say I can definitely tell a difference in how I feel this time around. With the trip to Haiti 47 days away, I'm cautious at best, and distant at worst.

About 2.5 years ago we had an adoption fall through about 30 minutes before we were supposed to pick up our daughter. We'd already met her and played with her and we'd redone her room... That was hard.

Then to lose Lexi and Nathan after "playing house" in Haiti for a week... that was devastating. I guess having an adoption fall through is like a miscarriage in the "conventional childbirth" world. But in both of our cases, we've loved and held and kissed and snuggled our kids before we lost them.

I know for Malot's sake, I need to focus on what we have. I'm positive that I'll feel more "in the moment" when we get to Haiti and meet him. Right now, I'm guarding.

This will be a different trip as Lexi was so very, very ill that we didn't do much physical play last time. Nathan was too little to be chased and swung around. That'll be right up Malot's alley.

47 days. And holding.

Request for Help from Our Agency and Orphanage

"Hope for the Little Angels of Haiti" is the name of our orphanage. The picture above is of a little boy in that orphanage, taken on our January trip. I received the below letter today from our agency.

April 17, 2008


Dear Friends of Hope for the Little Angels of Haiti,

We are writing this letter to ask for your help with the current situation in Haiti.

The United States Department of State issued a Travel warning on April 11, 2008.
(http://travel.state.gov/ ) Here is part of that statement. “Protesters angered by high food prices filled the streets of Port-au-Prince, forcing businesses and schools to close. Demonstrations continue and have frequently turned violent with firing of weapons, rock throwing, tire-burning, erection of street barricades, and looting. The violence has forced most people to stay indoors and stranded others in isolated locations.”

Reading this paragraph is heart breaking, knowing that the people of Haiti have turned to violence because they are starving and cannot afford food. Please know that the children in the orphanage
At this time still have food to eat, but with prices of food on the rise it will be difficult to continue to buy food and supplies for the children. Most of you have already been involved in raising money and supplies for this sweet little orphanage and we are greatly appreciative of your efforts. We are just asking that everyone let your friends and family know that we are in
Immediate need of sending money to Haiti to help off set the cost of food.

Current food prices in Haiti:
1 50kg (110 lbs) of rice is 2000gds. ($52.28us)
1 50kg (110 lbs.) of beans is 3000gds ($78.43us)
1 bottle of cooking oil is 300gds ($7.84)

This gives you a little idea of the basic costs of food in Haiti. We are also asking families that will be going on the next couple of parent trips to bring these food items, along with formula and medicines such as children’s and infants Tylenol as your donations, of course all other donations are needed and will be gladly taken. We just want to be sure that the children have food to eat!

Donations are tax deductible and can be made out and sent to:

Wasatch International Adoptions
3577 Washington Blvd.
Ogden Ut. 84403

(Be sure to write food relief: Hope for the Little Angels of Haiti on your checks)

Sincerely,

Nichole Hayden
Haiti Coordinator---Hope for the Little Angels of Haiti

Chareyl Moyes
Haiti Program Manager---Wasatch International Adoptions

Words Do Not Suffice

I've been raised among heroes. My father is a veteran. My mom's brother was killed in Vietnam. I have grandpas who served in WWII.

My uncle Niel B. Riggs was a medic in Vietnam. He was killed by a sniper while trying to reach an injured soldier named Bobby Shelton. His name is two right of Niel's on the Wall.



Over the last year or so, my mom was able to develop a friendship with the men that served as medics with Niel. She has learned the specifics about how Niel was killed from these men. She's learned that it was only because of these men that Niel's body made it on a helicopter so it could begin the long trek home to be laid to rest in Provo, UT.

My mom was able to meet these men and some of their families this last year at about the 40th anniversary of Niel's death. Gilly, Doty and Goody (the Bobs) have become legends in our family. I'd say they'll never know what a gift it has been for my mom to be able to cry with people who knew Niel right up to the very end, but that's just it - They do know. They "get it" and they earned that understanding in ways that no man should ever have to face.

I got a voicemail from my mom the other day. She wanted me to know that one of these dear men just found out about the situation with Lexi and Nathan. He said, 'I don't know how much pull I've got with the Man Upstairs, but please know I'll be on my knees praying for them until this is resolved for your kids."

Words cannot express what it's like to find out that some of the noble and brave are praying for you and your little ones in Haiti.

Thank you, to the Bobs, for what you have done and are doing for our family.

Freakishly Tall

One good thing about being freakishly tall (as a dear friend who can get away with saying that refers to me) is that I can use every cabinet in my kitchen (including the bizarre little one above the fridge) without using a stool.

It is also nice to be able to help random strangers, like the woman who was literally jumping to try to get something off the top shelf at the grocery store yesterday. It makes you feel a bit like a superhero (sans cape) to swoop in and effortlessly pull down said stranded item "in a single bound."

Doesn't quite make up for not being able to buy things off the rack or having 3 feet of inseam, but it is nice nonetheless.

And a "good stuff" from today is realizing that because you have a garage, you don't have to scrape your windows when we get spring snows.

Oh, and JellyBelly Juicy Pear Jelly Beans.

And the 100th Post Is...

Weird. This is my 100th post. A LOT has happened in the last one hundred posts. We even have different kids than we did when I started. Sigh...

It's 54 days until we're in Haiti again. June 8th. We are hoping for peace and calm so that we can travel and meet Malot. Things have calmed down - the rioting stopped for now.

We've been told that it wasn't even safe for Harry to leave the orphanage to get food for the children during the last week. If he doesn't feel it's safe for us to travel when our trip arrives, then we'll cancel the trip. We just hope for the best.

On a completely random note....

Kohl, our little neighbor friend (he's 4) wanted Brent to "sleepover at Kohl's house" yesterday. Kohl suggested that he could "ask Lolo (that's me) when she gets home". It's interesting that, from Kohl's perspective, Lori is to Brent as Kohl's mommy is to Kohl. Hmmm... I may have to remember that. Apparently one of the benefits of being unemployed is that you get invited to all the cool parties!

And finally, I need to add to my Good Stuff list from yesterday. I'm adding:

Jeans. Bags that tear open and then reseal with a ziploc thingy. Having your 4 year old neighbor count you in his best friends.

Good Stuff

Brent. Adoption. Lexi, Nathan and Malot. Spring. Best friends. Good nicknames. The toll sticker that lets me drive to downtown in the Express Lane each day. Finishing something. Getting updates from Haiti. The Book of Mormon. Rain when the sun shines. Grape flavored things that taste like they smell. Finding money in your pocket. Digital cameras. A good book. Families. Music. Fruit Leather. Utah's mountains. International friends. Inside jokes. The Muppet Show. Heroes. Onomatopoeia. America. Modern medicine. Having employment. Air Conditioning. Little kid stories. A puppy's exuberance. Freedom. Memories. A husband who can do anything. Understanding. Hard work. The big picture. Having people post comments on your blog. Dreams where it suddenly makes perfect sense that you're... oh, say... a dental hygienist on roller skates. Laughing so hard your sides hurt.

Disturbance

From CNN.com today. Another article said "we've got a weird form of hunger here - there is food on the shelves but people can't afford to buy it."

Michelle reminded me that we were supposed to be in Haiti right now, but the trip was postponed until June. Now we're going to be there 60 days from now. If things don't calm down, gas prices drop, food to the people we may not be able to go and meet our son.

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (AP) -- Hungry Haitians stormed the presidential palace Tuesday to demand the resignation of President Rene Preval over soaring food prices and U.N. peacekeepers battled rioters with rubber bullets and tear gas.

Rioters were chased away from the presidential palace but by late afternoon had left trails of destruction across Port-au-Prince. Concrete barricades and burned-out cars blocked streets, while windows were smashed and buildings set on fire from the capital's center up through its densely populated hills.

Outnumbered U.N. peacekeepers watched as people looted businesses near the presidential palace, not budging from the building's perimeter. Nearby, but out of sight of authorities, another group swarmed a slow-moving car and tried to drag its female driver out the window.

"We are hungry! He must go!" protesters shouted as they tried to break into the presidential palace by charging its chained gates with a rolling dumpster. Moments later, Brazilian soldiers in blue U.N. helmets arrived on jeeps and assault vehicles, firing rubber bullets and tear gas canisters and forcing protesters away from the gates.

Food prices, which have risen 40 percent on average since mid-2007, are causing unrest around the world. But nowhere do they pose a greater threat to democracy than in Haiti, one of the world's poorest countries where in the best of times most people struggle to fill their bellies.

For months, Haitians have compared their hunger pains to "eating Clorox" because of the burning feeling in their stomachs. The most desperate have come to depend on a traditional hunger palliative of cookies made of dirt, vegetable oil and salt.

Riots broke out in the normally placid southern port of Les Cayes last week, quickly escalating as protesters tried to burn down a U.N. compound and leaving five people dead. The protests spread to other cities, and on Monday tens of thousands took to the streets of Port-au-Prince.

Preval, a soft-spoken leader backed by Washington, was at work in the palace during the protests, aides said. He has made no public statements since the riots began.

"I compare this situation to having a bucket full of gasoline and having some people around with a box of matches," said Preval adviser Patrick Elie. "As long as the two have a possibility to meet, you're going to have trouble."

The protesters also are demanding the departure of the 9,000 U.N. peacekeepers, whom they blame in part for rising food prices. The peacekeepers came to Haiti in 2004 to quell the chaos that followed the ouster of former President Jean-Bertrand Aristide.

They helped usher in a democratic transition, but critics say both Preval and the international community have focused too much on political stability without helping to alleviate poverty. That could spell trouble not only for Preval, but for Haiti's fragile democracy as well.

Meanwhile, new customs procedures aimed at collecting revenues and stopping the flow of drugs has left tons of food rotting in ports, especially in the country's north. In a country where almost all food is imported, cargo traffic from Miami ground nearly to a halt, though shippers say intervention by Preval last month has improved the situation somewhat.

But the anger among everyday Haitians over food prices is real.

"The government of America sees that the kids of America are eating and going to school -- and that we Haitians are not," said protester Frantz Pascal, 45. "For Haiti to move on, the high cost of living must go down."

If Loving This Is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right!

I know it sounds weird, but fruit leather is like my crack cocaine. I LOVE the stuff. I don't eat chocolate - I come from a long line of chocolate addicts so I just don't eat it. But give me fruit leather or give me death. Bless the people at the Costco who decided to stock the "polygamist family pack" (as my sister calls the Costco-size of anything) of this tasty treat.

Unfortunately, more and more the liquid devil that is Diet Coke (with Lime or Vanilla) also tortures me. Its siren song calls to me. I don't actually have an IV for it, but does the thought that I've considered it a sign of anything? :)

I don't think there's anything wrong with the fruit leather, but I need to break free of the chains of (Diet) Coke addiction.

Maybe I'll start working on that tomorrow.

Probably not. :)

Brent is...

Spring is here although we keep getting snowfall as someone neglected to notify the weather that it' is SPRING.

Spring always makes me think of Brent - it's probably our favorite time of the year. Brent broke out the tiller and went all "blitzkreig" on the front flower beds yesterday. He's an expensive tiller, as some plants that I thought we were keeping inevitably fall victims to the front lines of Brent's war on untilled earth.

I don't write much about my husband, so I thought today was a good time to start.

Brent is....

....patient. He doesn't complain much about anything - EVER. When Brent says he needs to go to a doctor, you know he is probably close to death. But I'm not sure if that's the "not a complainer" part of him or the "hates the phone" part of him or the "this too shall pass" part of him.


...a kid magnet. Children - even total strangers' children - seem to be able to sense that Brent's heart is a large as his stature. They start climbing on him within minutes and he's more than happy to oblige. A week or so ago he spent a couple of hours out in the yard swinging around the little neighbor kids. I've heard about that from several moms. They love that their kids love and feel safe with Brent and that Brent loves their kids. He's always overly enthusiastic about playing with the kids. The last few times he's done this he's actually injured his neck - he has some permanent damage in there from something previously and it always flares up wickedly when he goes into "human junglegym-mode" but he always does it anyway. Our nieces love him
- our nephews were too grown up for that sort of thing by the time they joined our family.


...good for snuggling. There's something about his 6'4" frame that is just cozy. And if you don't believe me, ask my nieces.


This is a picture of Brent with one of our youngest nieces at my brother's wedding a few months ago. You can tell that a) they're both content, b) they've done this before and c) they stayed in this position for quite sometime.


...talented. He's got a vision for how he wants things to be in the house, the talent to "make it so" and the work ethic to complete it. He's made things like this:
in our backyard. The design for the arbor is all him - he dreamed it up, figured out how to make it work, and pretty much installed it while he had some time off from work. I came home and went, "Oh! We have a pretty arbor!" Same thing with the waterfall (pondless = childsafe). There are tiers and steps around it, all sorts of plants and trees - we have a beautiful yard. He designs it, plants and I weed it. That's the arrangement. And if you think I've got the short end of that stick, it's because you've never tried to plant a tree with a 300 lb root ball. THAT wasn't fun!


... a master chef and grillman. He has a reputation amongst our friends and neighbors for his cooking. When Brent touches something, it becomes greater than it thought it could be. No plain, ol' pancakes on his watch! No, they'll be cinnamon pecan pancakes. Or Mango pancakes. Not just plain chicken. It's cranberry almond chicken. He also makes artisan European hearth breads. He was a bread baker when we first met. And you haven't lived until you've had what the man can do to a tri-tip steak, grilled pears, or tilapia.


... a hard worker. He's done tile in half our family members homes or former homes. He helps with yards and moving and hardwood floors.


... organized. I needed him for that quality alone.


...a sports man. Loves golf, basketball, watching football and has even tried his hand a field hockey. We keep meaning to take up fencing but one or the other of us keeps getting injured, sick, hospitalized or sent on long business trips.


...quiet. He's tempered me over the years. I'm not sure how we met sometimes. But at least he asked and I said yes.


...loyal. Brent is fiercely loyal. He's also terribly reserved. Just because he won't pick up the phone doesn't mean he isn't aware and concerned and thinking about you.

He's going to be a great dad and I'm excited to see him in Haiti with Malot.

Brent is also interviewing tomorrow for a job that we're really, really, really interested in and one where he could really do well. Prayers, please!

More Malot

Someone with our agency put this little page together for us.

I just love the picture on the right where he's smiling to himself (at least you can't see his whole face). He has some medicine on his ear, so that's what the white stuff is. And, our friend who was in Haiti with us had some info for us when she found out we were getting Malot. She said that Malot was one of her favorites in the orphanage and that he was one of the nicest boys there and was smiling the whole time. I guess that's the international adoption equivalent of a good parent-teacher conference where you find out your child is exceptionally bright and clever! He seems to be a very happy little boy. We're looking forward to getting more information on him and definitely looking forward to our June visit.

A shout out to MRO - I think what you're doing is very brave and I'm proud of you for taking control of your life, no matter what the comments might be. Know you're loved!

And finally, I started a new medication today - the only one the FDA has officially approved for my condition. There are points in your life when you've had it with medication and there are points in your life where you plead for something to take the physical pain away or at least take the edge off. Here's to hoping that this helps over the coming weeks as it builds up.

It's A Boy!

We have a son! We're not giving up on Lexi and Nathan, but if we don't move forward we'll lose what we've done to this point. We're authorized with the government for multiple children, but we're just going to get one for now just in case things change with Lexi and Nathan. It's been over a month now and the orphanage hasn't heard any further update on them or heard from Bernadette.


All we know about Malot (pronounced 'ma-LOW') right now is that he's 3. And he has a wonderful smile and he likes to play with cars.


We'll get to meet him the first part of June when we go to Haiti again.

Pray for Sadie

Those of you who have been reading this for a bit know who Kohl is. Sadie is his little cousin.

She just turned five. This info is from the blog her parents are writing about her;

We received the heartbreaking news on Monday, March 3, that our sweet Sadie has brain cancer. In just this last week she had been complaining of headaches here and there, and would hold her neck when she would have these headaches. This "headache" would only last for seconds, but was enough to catch our attention. We had also noticed some changes in her speech and her balance when she walked. It seemed more pronounced over the weekend, so we took her to the doctor that Monday. After some different questions and checks, he ordered a CT scan of her brain/spine at Primary Childrens. We
headed up there, she did the scan, and they found a mass on her brain.

Later that night they did an MRI for more details, and through this test it was concluded she has what is called a high grade glioma tumor on her brain stem. Because of the sensitivity of the area, (the brain stem controls functions like mobility, speech, vision, respiratory, etc), and as the tumor has intertwined itself to the brain stem, surgery isn't an
option, and getting a biopsy to find out more about the tumor isn't an option.

They concluded it was malignant as one portion of the tumor seems to be moving more aggressively, and tissue around this area shows dead spots (called necrosis). So she has most likely has the tumor for awhile, but only now is having symptoms as a part of it has become more aggressive.

You can keep an eye on Sadie's progress here

Un-FORTUNE-ate

For some reason these delight me. I didn't collect these fortune cookie fortunes but that doesn't stop me from providing commentary.

You are getting very sleepy... You want to call a travel agent... You want to upgrade to first class...

They're rare migratory rubber bands, returning to their nesting grounds in the desk drawer...

Oh, now you're just toying with me....

Can I have this cake AND eat it too?

Does that mean the restaurant messed up our orders?

That's a relief. I've been so worried about whether my roses were reaching their potential...

The possibilities are endless, but I'm going to say "puppet strings", for $500, Alex.

(Disclaimer: I say that only because it's funny, not because I actually believe it. My husband is much more capable than I am in most areas.)

I've always been a slow haster... I just can't help it. It's hereditary on my father's side.

Mint circles??? What the...

And here I thought the moonlight was just naturally prompt..

This day just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it!!

Oh, good, because I was just thinking about my thoughts and wondered if I was feeling my feelings....

Dang it! Now what do I do??

Let this be a warning to you, kids... Confucius and M.C. Hammer should not hang out together, no matter what you've been told!

Great! There go my plans for the day! Tomorrow is another day! What about kissing on the trunk? Is that permissible?

I'm batting 1000 today... My height is tall, my awareness is aware, my sensitivities are sensitive. It's a good day to be me!

Am I the only one blushing here? Isn't that kinda of personal??

Now I have to add "sparking eyeballs" to my list of "Things that May Cause Spontaneous Combustion"! Great! Stop, drop and roll, people... Stop, drop and roll...

Did he now.... did he really say that?

And YOU are Captain Obvious! Congratulations!

Al-Mormon

in case the above doesn't work - use this link

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4qw7ezm2IA8

All in the Family...

Brent's dad is down with not one, not two, but THREE kidney stones right now. Gary is one of those people who is very disciplined with what he eats. He's had stones before and therefore has sworn off milk, carbonation - anything that might possibly contribute to kidney stones.

Both of Brent's parents get kidney stones. Brent isn't a carbonation person either - kidney stones cured him of any love of soda. However, something your body is going to do what it's going to do. Genetically, his kidneys have a plan of their own that is completely independent of anything that he might try to lead them to do or not do. Sometimes things just happen to you genetically and there's not much you can do about it.

That is one interesting thing about adopting... our "known" family issues won't be there. Instead we have unknown families with unknown issues contributing to the health of our little ones.

It must be weird (and I know some of you can share experiences of this) to fill out those forms when you go to a new doctor and not be able to give any family history. Feel free to share in the comments if you'd like.

My friend Melissa could use some prayers. On the 26th of this month it will be exactly two years since they started the process to bring home Luc and Olyvia from Haiti. One thing after another has happened and they still aren't home yet. Now everything is done except the US government employee working in the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince signing off for their visa appointment. Apparently this woman is enjoying her power and is causing all sorts of drama. Add to that the Embassy is closing from the 1st of April to the 2nd week in May to relocate and we find that one person has a lot of power over the hearts and lives of others right now. Apparently several US Senators have been on her about what she's doing and it still hasn't changed her behavior. We could use some heart softening for Miss Embassy Lady.

We hope Luc and Lyvi can come home soon!

Stuff

I've decided that there's a complete conspiracy around color photocopies. I needed to make a bunch of copies for a Young Women's Activity. When the girl at the copy center told me it would be $.60/page for single-sided color copies and $1.09/page for double-sided copies, I think I stopped breathing momentarily. When you compare that to $.06/page for black and white copies... it's completely mind-boggling.

Brent's last day of work is this Friday. We're still trying to figure out what we're going to be doing.

Still no word on Lexi and Nathan.

And finally, a ginormous THANK YOU to Brent's sister and brother-in-law. They gave us skymiles which allowed us to book tickets to Haiti in June. June 8th we leave. We don't know which children we'll be matched with by that point, but we're trying to move forward in faith that the right thing will work out.

Advice and Lyrics

I found an email I saved with some advice from my friend Clarissa. It was in response to a different issue, but the concept applies now as well:

I think this is where you have to leave it to the Lord for right now. I
dont see how you are able to do anything, other than pray, that would be helpful.

And then I heard some lyrics to a contemporary song that struck me...

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes... - Aqualung

We Don't Realize How Blessed We Are...

New Kids on the Block??

I'm hearing snippets that Harry is preparing a referral for us. I gather that there's another sibling group that's been at the orphanage for just a couple of weeks and that he's trying to make sure everything is done and clear before he sends us the referral.

On the one side, I'm grateful that Harry's looking out for us and that, even though what Bernadette did is very rare, he's still trying to make sure we don't have to go through that again.

From another angle, getting accepting another referral would be giving up on Lexi and Nathan. But how long do we wait for something that may never happen? Again, Bernadette is the one with the control here. There's nothing we can do to sway or influence this at all.

There's some level of all of this that makes me feel like..... it's like you lost your favorite salt and pepper shakers, so you contact the store where you bought them and they agree to just look around in the back and see if they can find a comparable set.

My feelings may entirely change when we get the referral. Or maybe Bernadette will change her mind before that happens.

I had a church activity tonight with a bunch of the women that I hadn't talked to in awhile. And unfortunately I had to explain a few times that we've lost our children. "AGAIN?" was the common stunned response. They watched us go through having Asnica's adoption fall through a few years ago. With Lexi and Nathan...I know in many ways the ward felt like they were their children, too- they gathered hundreds of pounds of donations that we took with us in January. Lots of tears. I thought was to the point where I could talk about it in public, but I guess not.

Again, thank you to the friends and family who are supporting us in this time. I've had some very sweet conversations with dear friends that just wanted us to know that we're in their prayers. And that means so much.

I was told a long time ago (and I believe it), "Some days, your family will be praying for you and as a result, you will succeed." I'm quite positive we've been carried by prayers through the darkest of the days we've had. Thank you for sharing your faith and love.

BobbyJones

Puppy's name is BobbyJones, I guess. Robert Tyre Jones is Brent's favorite golfer - he was quite a gentleman and an all-around good man. Bobby Jones won all 4 of golf's majors in 1930.

He's such a sweet little puppy - he rarely makes a peep unless Brent leaves the room and then he whines and cries. He's definitely Brent's dog which pleases Brent to no end.

Divot ADORES his new friend, particularly now that BobbyJones is a bit older doesn't trip over his own feet every time he tries to run somewhere. They run around the house like crazy.

And just for kicks, here's a picture of Divot when he was a baby.



We're trying to make arrangements for a trip to Haiti in June. We haven't heard anything further on the children. Brent's hopeful that she'll get to a point where she realizes that she can't do it anymore and take them somewhere in Haiti and that we'll find out about it. I just really feel like we have to book this flight to show the Lord and ourselves that we haven't given up.

We're also at the point where Brent is wrapping up his last couple of weeks of employment and we're wondering what we're going to do next. He's also enrolled at Utah State University and is investigating pursuing a Masters in Landscape Architecture. We're kind of in limbo and lost/stuck all over the place right now.

Lead, Kindly Light!

Brat Fit

Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a
stone?
Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If ye then,
being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall
your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Matthew 7:9-11

THIS sums up what's so difficult about what we're going through. We know what we want. We've met and loved and held Lexi and Nathan. These are good things to want. These are righteous desires. Yet, sometimes we are told "no" because there is a bigger, though currently unseen, picture.

All we can imagine is Lexi and Nathan. They are all we've ever wanted, really. How could anything possibly be better for us than that happy, giggling, gleeful boy and that beautiful, sweet, tender little girl?

That doesn't mean that there isn't something better than we can imagine in store for us. But our experience of 10 years of childlessness and trials and feeling spiritually "bricked in" at times (like your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling) make it nearly impossible for us "deal".

People say that God doesn't give us more than we can bear. Perhaps He actually gives us EXACTLY more than we can bear so that we'll remember to lean on Him- to kneel so we can stand with Him.

I guess I'm having a tantrum, wanting what I want and "knowing" that only that will make us happy. I'm still OK with tantrums. We have to feel and we have to experience. That's also part of what it's all about.

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

I heard someone speak today about trials. His mother died of complications from a liver transplant when he was 15. He made a comment while he was telling about the process they went through when his mom was trying to get a liver transplant that really struck me. He said they weren't religious at all, but you still get brought to prayer in a situation like that. But, at the same time, what is it you're praying for? It's not like you can in good conscience get on your knees and say, 'Dear God, please kill someone today so that I can get a new liver and live."

I kind of feel similar about our current situation (although neither of us has to physically die). Can I blame Bernadette for wanting to be the mom to her children? For heaven's sake - I want to be the mom to her children! We're much more similar than it might appear. I guess, in a way, we're each "the other woman" to the other. The one true threat. The one that makes you feel like less of a woman because she takes away your children. Bernadette is the only one with control in this situation, and yet ironically, she's the one that has the fewest options afforded her as far as what she's going to do with her own life. I don't know that she ever got to decide "what she wanted to be when she grew up." I would never want to live in Haiti and I'm forever grateful that I was born in America.

How do you have faith and move forward in this situation? Faith doesn't mean that we don't feel. Feelings are relative. We have good days (or weeks) and bad ones. I think we're supposed to grieve. It doesn't mean I don't have faith because I'm human and feeling. Faith does mean that I believe that somehow this will all work out. Whether or not that means that Lexi and Nathan are ever ours again - I don't know. There will be some sort of resolution at some point.

The only way I can think of to "have faith and move forward" is to book tickets for the trip in June and trust that by then, we'll have OUR children - whomever they may be.



We're grieving. We're also Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying.

Gloria Gaynor, Where Are You When I Need You?

I might have to make "I Will Survive" my ringtone. I need some reminders.

We got word yesterday that SUDDENLY Lexi has a father in the picture again. When we were in Haiti, her father was listed as unknown.

He apparently, is in favor of Lexi being adopted, but not of her being in an orphanage. Unfortunately, in Haiti, you can't exactly have one without the other. If you don't have a steady home or even a telephone, there's no way for the adoption process to move forward.

I think I'd become fairly adept at dealing with infertility. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Many people have said, 'Maybe you were only supposed to be in their lives to help Lexi when she was so sick." I'm not OK with that and I'm not sure how to resolve myself with that. Does emotionally crawling on your hands and knees still count as bearing your burdens? It seems like the only way this burden could "be made LIGHT" is to quit caring about the situation.

The strange thing about being a parent in Haiti for week – I'm not sure we were prepared for the JOY we had. It seemed like there was a purpose to all the STUFF in life and that we could do this. That's really the first time I think either of us have felt anything close to that type of joy.

If it were my brother beating on me, I'd just cry "Uncle" and he'd leave me alone. Can't figure this one out.

Social Whiplash....

Some people are amazing. And then there are those that you just wonder about.

For those of you that don't personally know me, I'm 6' tall, size 11 shoe, pretty thin. Years ago, I was working in the physical therapy department of our local hospital. I worked in the spine treatment center, specifically. One day, I had a patient on the treadmill and as I walked over to check on her she said (in a snarky tone), "So, how BIG are your feet anyway??"

I'm not sure how one is supposed to respond to that. "Big enough, thank you very much for asking!"

This sort of thing - random comments from strangers - happens quite often in the world of "international adoptive families". When your family looks like a mini-United Nations, people are naturally curious. But sometimes, their questions are enough to give you social whiplash.

Take some friends of mine - they are both Causcasian and have two Haitian children. Noelle said that she'd be somewhere like the parking lot of the grocery story and notice someone staring at her and her children. As she'd pass them, they'd invariably yell something like 'Is your husband black?" And Noelle being Noelle would say, "No... is yours??"

But the one that takes the cake just happened yesterday to a friend of mine. This friend has a son who is about 6 or 7 and they're adopting a boy and a girl from Haiti. They've been to visit them twice and her son is thrilled about his new brother and sister (who only need a visa appointment before they can come home! Pray that the appointment is scheduled soon!!) Yesterday she had an appointment with a specialist that she sees about once per year. During the appointment, the doctor asked rather rudely if her biological son "even knew" that the children they were adopting were black.

Hmmm....


Seriously, what did she expect my friend to say?? "Are you kidding me?? When did Haitians get dark skin? This changes EVERYTHING! Thank you, Doctor!!"

So, what's your favorite social whiplash story?? Do tell...

It's Been Two Weeks Today...

We still haven't heard anything further on the kids.

I wonder all the time if Bernadette is able to feed them. If they're healthy. If they have a place to sleep (a lot of the women the orphanages deal with are homeless, from what we're told).

I keep hearing there are wonderful people out there who are praying for our little family. I know there are people who check every day hoping for some sort of update or news. Thank you for your support. It's amazing what a small world the internet has created. I see that there are people in Brazil reading my little blog, as well as my dear friends from my old work located in Taiwan, the Netherlands, France, and Ireland. I love that little map at the bottom of my blog that shows me where our readers are located.

My best friend was telling me tonight that she's often tempted to hop a plane to Haiti and try to find Bernadette herself. Thanks, T. :)

I wish I had happy news.

We haven't heard anything further on whether Harry was able to get the letter to Bernadette. I find myself wondering often if Lexi will recognize herself in the pictures we sent - or if she remembers us. That whole week may well seem like a fuzzy dream to her - she was so sick.

The agency is going to Haiti again in June. We've told them we want to be on that trip. It will be interesting to see how this one turns out.

I realize that in the big picture, all of this is just a blip.... a tiny moment. For me, right now, it seems like a self-contained eternity.

Brent's been amazing. He always takes such good care of me. He's very patient and is good to let me lean on him. I know this is terribly hard for him. I wish you could have seen him when we first met Nathan. I think back on what he told Nathan that last night in Haiti - "Daddy's going to miss you something terrible, Little Man. You're definitely someone special."

At some point, I'll be able to view this with hindsight and I'm sure it will be a lot clearer. In the meantime, thank you for your prayers, hope, kind thoughts, and support. There may yet be a miracle in all this somewhere.

GROSS National Product

Mr. Pee-body (not his real name, but everyone uses aliases on blogs, right?) has single-handedly turned our house into the largest single consumer of paper towels in the Western Hemisphere. I mentioned that he seems to be able to convert water from thin air. He could be in the middle of the Mojave-freakin' desert and that pooch would still find a way to pee a river!

I bring all this up because when we returned home today and there SEVERAL messes to cleanup, Brent picked up Puppy and said in a cute "talking to puppy" voice, 'I'd strangle you if you weren't so cute!" (Puppy has his own "Gross National Product" with emphasis on the GROSS)

He is getting the general idea that the dog door is really a portal to the magical kingdom that is the out of doors. He still doesn't really "grasp" the concept, but he has used it successfully several times today (although I'm quite sure that sometimes he is as surprised that he made it through the doggie door as we are).

Brent also built what I can only call a "contraption" this afternoon that will successfully bar the doggies into one corner of the kitchen (where their food/water/doggie door are). When I say "built", I mean "used the nail gun and wood to build a wall-thing and only told me afterward that he's actually NAILED it to the kitchen floor".

Puppy is very sweet, cute and quiet. For those of you unfamiliar with the breed - whippets CAN bark... they just DON'T bark. And he's growing. He's already standing a bit taller than Divot, all though Divot still kicks his proverbial and literal tail in their little wrestling matches.

And finally, the poor pooch is still nameless. We've had a stellar turnout on the voting on the blog all though some people (I'd tell you it was my Uncle John, but then you'd all know he cheated) have found ways to vote multiple times for their favorite. He has several nicknames: Little One and Puppy are the most common. He still doesn't realize that any of the noises coming out of our mouths have much to do with him. I guess "Sit" is the exception and he's pretty stellar with that one.

But back to the NameGate 2008... with Divot people either have no idea what a "divot" is, or they are so completely unfamiliar with the word that they make it match the closest thing they do know. People think we've named him "David" for example, and then we get to hear about how that's their brother's name and it's awkward for all when we have to tell them that, "no, in fact the dog isn't named after your brother, but thank you for asking."

Chaucer - which was on of my favorites, failed on the "holler test". It's just to NICE of a name to be used to yell down the street when my pet has gone wayward. plus it makes me break out.... into a lousy British accent which I think is more confusing for the little chap.

Bogey is the leader at this point, but Brent has now found fault with it. I'm not sure what his woes encompass.

So we're back to Me not caring any longer and Brent wanting to call him DUCK. I think that sums it up.

Thoughts on Duck, my dear readers>>>>>>

Sweet Baby Abbie

Abigail Paige is being blessed tomorrow. She's such a pretty little girl. And, because she's related to my family, she's long and skinny. Look at those fingers! I mean - SERIOUSLY. She has a matching set of toes. Maybe we could get her playing the piano very soon. :)

I'm excited for her parents as well. They've done really well adapting to "new baby". I know Marshell is stressed because her maternity leave is over as of Monday. She has to go back to work, teaching elementary school.

It's also always good to be with my family. The in-laws that have married my siblings are just like siblings to me - except we never got each other grounded.

I also have a little present for my one and only baby sister that I'm quite excited about. I ordered it and waited and waited and it finally came. I'll have to post a picture of it after she gets it.

Bandages off...

I took off the steri-strips today. I'm two-weeks post-op now and things are healing well. I've probably overdone it today, but hopefully it will all work out.

I don't go back to the doctor until the end of the month for my post-op follow-up. He'll have biopsy results then on the cysts that were sent in for testing.

The scar's gonna be "weak" according to the Brent Scar Scale. It gets good points for its length ("distance" as he put it), but it loses points for being too clean and straight. He says if the doctor would have used a rusty nail instead of a scalpel, then the scar would have character.... (apparently the fact that I'd also have tetnus and gangrene and some other stuff doesn't have a negative impact on this Scar Scale)

I think I like "weak scars" if those are my options

It's a Small World After All...

I went to get my hair done this afternoon from the same place I've gone for years. I walked in and there was a woman there just finishing up with another stylist. I said, "Your last name is Beckstrand, isn't it!"

It was so exciting for me. This woman lived in Florida when I was a missionary 14 years ago. Her family moved out here at some point and she's been going to the same salon for years as well. We've never run into each other until today.



She and her family are LDS and they took very good care of the missionaries. At one point, my companion got very ill and the doctor wanted her on a special diet. Missionaries have a very limited budget to live on, so we were concerned about how we were going to get these special foods for her. Sister Beckstrand just showed up with hundreds of dollars of food for her - as soon as she caught wind that there was a need - she went into action.

She shared with me her current family picture. The little girl that was 4 when I was there is going to college in a few months! Her daughters have grown into beautiful women and she has a gorgeous brood of grandchildren.

It was nice to remember what their family had done for me, personally, as well as the example that they set for those around them. You never know how something you do with impact or touch someone else's life.

Many hands make light work!

I had the opportunity to help some dear neighbors prune their orchard this morning. The ward (That's what we call a "congregation", for my non-LDS friends) went over this morning and took care of their trees. They're just the sweetest people, but they're getting up in age and Lamar's had his hip replaced and Jeanette is on chemo right now - it's just been a rough time for them.

It's fun to do something like that in a large group. Everyone has an opinion on how they've "always done it" and obviously, there are a variety of methods that work as trees in pruned orchards have been thriving for centuries! Allicen and I just found our own trees a bit away from the Great Pruning Debate and went to town. It always feels good to see the progress with something like that. Quite a few families came and brought their children. The kids had a great time dragging the pruned branches down the rows to a central spot.

When we're helping others, we're happier. It was a nice morning.

SpecTACKular

Brent and I agree on most things. The exceptions tend to be things like Alison Krauss … and Hawaiian shirts. I don't care for either one.

There's something about Hawaiian shirts that just buries the needle in my "tacky-o-meter". Don't get me wrong. There are times and places for most things. Hawaiian shirts are fine – if you're Hawkeye Pierce. If you're not physically "wasting away in Margaritaville" you shouldn't wear Hawaiian shirts. And oh, wait… we don't drink so Brent will never be in that situation.

Maybe it's because he's colorblind. He tends to like things with high visual-contrast because he doesn't see colors the same way most people do. He likes inlaid wood designs with light and dark woods. He likes to paint the walls in our house different colors.

But I've got to draw the line at Hawaiian shirts.

Spackle

There's really no point to the title, other than that I enjoy the sound of that word.

WIAA confirmed that Harry got the letter and pictures we sent. Harry has promised to do his best to find Bernadette and deliver them. I've given myself a "goal" that we'll wait until Harry has confirmed he found Bernadette and delivered our letter and pictures and then give Bernadette a week before I completely despair.

Harry also spoke to the other orphanage directors in the area and let them know the situation. Hopefully if Bernadette takes them somewhere else, we'll still hear about it.

We did ask WIAA for some additional referrals of children from Nadia's orphanage. I think we just needed to see how things felt. There are some boys that Brent can't get out of his head. We'll see what happens. We're both still feeling like somehow someday things will work out with Lexi and Nathan. Maybe we'll have another little boy as well.

Ours is not to question why, I guess.

And Now for Something Completely Different...

Status

I woke up yesterday singing Lexi's Lullaby. My heart hurts.

But, let's distract ourselves, shall we?

My friend, who we'll call "R.M." to protect his box from receiving from loads of "over the hill" cards (those are his initials, not his missionary status) sent me an email yesterday. He says he's flying his kids and grandkids up for his 50th birthday.

His adult daughter (who is proportedly very excited about the upcoming party) said, "Dad, can I cry at your birthday?" He said, "Um....Sure, punkin... why??" and she said, "'Cause you'll be that much closer to DYING!"


And on the puppy front, he somehow managed to get himself UNDERNEATH the old cedar chest in the front room. I couldn't pull him back out through this gap, so I'm not sure how he got IN through it. Bless his paws... :)


Still hoping for a miracle. Thanks for your prayers.

Thank You

We're very grateful for all the prayers, emails and kind words we've been given this week. It's comforting to know that other people are thinking about our little family and have also been touched by our children in Haiti.

As I told a friend this week: It’s been rough. It’s like the one side of your head knows that the Lord never cheats anyone and that this will work out and we have to keep moving forward. And the other side of your head (and a bigger part of your heart) just wants to pull the covers over your head and stay there wondering WHYWHYWHY and it remembers all the other times that you’ve been hurt and wants to quit trying so there will be no more hurting.

Those children changed our lives. They changed us as people. They changed our marriage. And quite frankly, a lot of it had to do with Nathan’s joyfulness and Lexi’s illness. Two other children couldn’t have done this for us. But the WAYS we were changed hinged on them coming with us at some point. And now we’re feeling lost. Like a screen door banging in the wind, we’re moving, but there’s no real point to the movement. Yet, you keep getting up - One day at a time - and try to remember the small thoughts from the faithful side. "TheLordNeverCheatsAnyone. TheLordNeverCheatsAnyone.”

Thank you for sharing your strength with us at this time when we need it. We are grateful for to be blessed with such caring friends, neighbors, and family.

Therapy

Some people are emotional eaters. We're apparently emotional dog buyers. There's a reason they use dogs for therapy.

We got our other dog, Divot, after our last adoption fell through at LITERALLY "the last minute" (30 minutes before we were supposed to pick up the little girl, the mom changed her mind). Apparently buying a dog is how we deal with losing our adoptive children. They definitely don't make Hallmark cards for this situation. And after this last week, we needed something good to happen.

We've been talking about getting another dog for awhile. It's not like this was a knee-jerk decision. Divot needs a friend and we are "dog people". So this week, on our anniversary, we got a puppy. He's a whippet (we love the breed - we had a whippet for years!) This little guy is 7 1/2 weeks old. His legs are gangly and all over the place. And he's very snuggly and cuddly.

He doesn't have a name yet. Please submit your suggestions in the comments.

Today I started calling him "Pee-body" and "Pee-Fest 3000" because he drinks 2 oz of fluid and pees out like 8 oz! It's like he can pull the oxygen from the air and convert it to pee or something!! :) (Brian says if we could just train him to pull oxygen from the air and convert it to a fossil fuel - THEN we'd be onto something!!)