Countdown to Homecoming

Two Years...

2012-01-29T14:49:00.001-07:00

Two years ago today was the longest day of my life after the longest two weeks of my life.

Two years ago yesterday was the day that I went to bed thinking that we were never going to get our kids out of Haiti, despite finding a plane and in spite of the good readers of this blog raising $10,000 for jet fuel in a day.

A DAY, PEOPLE!

You're part of the miracle.

Two years ago yesterday was the day the Haitian Prime Minister had disappeared and we just couldn't get the signature we needed for our babies to be on that plane and our plane HAD to depart. Haiti's airport wasn't allowing layovers.

Two years ago today was the day I woke up to find that God keeps His promises and that He never, ever cheats anyone and that I should never waste a second doubting. Never.

Two years ago today was the day that this blog received tens of thousands of hits as you all tried to "will" that miracle to happen by hitting F5 and refreshing the page.

Two years ago today was the day that Nate finally got on that plane and finally made it to America.

Two years ago today was the day that Chareyl, exhausted more than any woman should be, had to get on the
at plane and leave behind the last few children, who did all finally make it home within a few weeks. Chareyl will always be who I want to be when I grown up.

All of that was on my mind this morning as I dressed my son for Church. I asked him if he thought the hotel we'll stay at (in a few weeks when we go to California) will have a pool. My sweet boy, remembering I don't know how to swim, put his hand on my arm and said, "Mama, just do what I do. We have to go under the water, but you just watch my eyes and do what I show you. And if you get scared, it's OK. You can just climb out of the pool and I'll be there."

('Cause you know... his round of summer swimming lessons make him Michael Phelps.)

He's comforting me.

He's teaching me.

He's blessing me... daily.

My life hasn't been the same, thank the Good Lord, since that day two years ago, when my son finally made it through the Haitian paperwork and landed in Miami.

And I'm grateful every day for the blessing of being a Mama to this sweet little man who is fascinated with animals and concerned about others and wants to know if every character in every book we read has a family like him.

Thank you for your prayers and helping to make that miracle happen.

I thought you'd want to know you've changed lives. And we're still grateful.

photo Mike Terry/Deseret News

2012-01-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

"Why caterpillars make racoons?"

He means "cocoon" (and I know they make chrysalises, but you try getting a 4 year old to say that)

____

Mama, When I grow up, can I be a turtle holder?
- A turtle holder?
-(exasperated sigh) You know... the guy what holds turtles!

(thanks... that cleared it right up for me.)
(also, remind me to tell your dad that we can't plan on you supporting us in our old age)

___

It finally snowed like 3 weeks after Christmas. Nate was SO excited and ran to the window exclaiming "It's Christmas!" He was sad to find out that it didn't mean it was Christmas again.

We spent 5 minutes getting him suited up for him to spent about 45 seconds in the skiff of snow before deciding the wind in his face was more than this Haitian wanted at the moment.

__

Nate was staring at me the other evening. I asked him what was wrong. With much joy he exclaimed, "Mama, those lines on your forehead look JUST LIKE train tracks!!"

He's so proud of me.

Then he walked over and used his finger to "choo-choo" across my brow.

Sigh...

2012-01-02T15:59:00.002-07:00

Nate: "Mama, I'm smart?"

Mama: "Yes, you are, Sweetness."

Nate: "But, Mama, what can I do with smart?"

Mama: "Anything you can imagine, Sweetness.... anything you can imagine."

Yeah... Seems Like We're Overdue for a Post

2011-12-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

We had a great Christmas! It was so much fun to see Nate so excited. He's been waiting for Christmas since right before Halloween, when he somehow figured out that the Christmas we had last year would happen AGAIN!

Right after Thanksgiving, we made his letter to Santa. Since he doesn't read, we copied pictures from the Internet and put those in his letter. He carried that letter around and slept with it and pulled it out and stared out it for the next 4 weeks. Mama finally made a photocopy of it right and we mailed the tattered one to Santa. He was SO EXCITED to think that it was going to get to Santa. He kept asking if Santa had received it yet and which of the items on the list he thought he'd be getting from Santa. That letter was a constant companion for a solid month.

Christmas morning he was so thrilled to open packages and tear through the wrappings. Total change from last year, when he was totally satisfied after one package and we had to coax him into opening the next one.

Nate received a some animals (the Playmobil kind, not the REAL kind) this year. He's been fascinated by whales lately and likes to imitate their songs. I have to admit, it's adorable, even though it sounds like a munchkin trying to make the sounds of Chewbacca after a mortal flesh wound. He got a whale and some hippos, so it sound be no surprise that he has spent a great deal of time taking baths so he can make the whale swim and dive and, of course, sing. Apparently, even the melodic sounds of a dying Chewbacca sound better with the bathroom's acoustics.

Brent's coaching JV basketball again this year at a little charter school at the south end of the county. He enjoys it, but it seems like we don't see him much any more. We appreciate Grandma Mint taking Nate every day while Daddy goes to play with the boys. He's damaged his other knee recently and is meeting with the surgeon next week. He's having a hard time remembering that he's nearly 41.

New Primary class for Nate tomorrow - Mama's worried about him moving to another class. He still has such a hard time in noisy places (and Jr. Primary Sharing Time is a NOISY PLACE). But, I'll still be there with the Sunbeams, so we'll see how it goes. We've been talking up moving to the next class because he's getting bigger.

He LOVES the idea of growing up, much to Mama's chagrin. Every morning, he stands as tall as he can and asks if he's grown overnight. The other evening he said, "Mama, I'm getting bigger?" and I said, "Yes, you are" and he said, "Don't worry, Mama. I'll still be your little boy."

Super Magic Squeaky Shoes

2011-11-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

So my Uncle John and his lovely wife, Gail came into town a few weeks ago to see the family. I kept thinking I'd get pictures from a relative and then post about this, but apparently my "get around" isn't getting around, so we're posting as is.

Nate still has some stress in noisy areas, particularly with lots of people. Let's not talk about what restaurants are like. At any rate, Nate had a "freak out" moment and Mama took him in the other room while he calmed down.

When we came back into the area where the family was, Uncle John could see there was some stress, so he came over and said, "Nathan, did you know that your mom has magic shoes?" He then proceeded to reach down and "squeak" the toe of my shoe, while holding a squeaker (like from a dog toy) in his hand so Nate couldn't see it.

You should have seen the look on Nate's face. Magic! He was enthralled!

Uncle John kept it up with the rest of the "littles" that afternoon. Everyone's shoes had some magic spot on them and the kids were all amazed.

That night when I was getting Nate ready for bed, he wanted me to squeak his feet. Of course I don't have Uncle John's magic fingers, so neither his shoes nor his toes squeaked when Mama did it. Nate said, "Just smash it harder, Mama!" He was determined to get a squeak sound out of there somehow!

Several times since then, when Nate's in the bathtub, he'll say, "Mama, my finger's magic?" and then he'll reach down and "squeak" his toe. Obviously, it makes no noise, but he always says, "Yup. I can hear it!"

So, Uncle John... the "icing" on the cake for this story... I was just sitting with Nate on my lap and my laptop and he was calling out the kind of toys he wants to ask Santa to bring. We're googling pictures and then putting them on a letter for Nate to send to Santa.

Nate's listing off all the awesome toys he can think of from everything he loves... Thomas the Train, Toothless the Dragon, Whales, Elephants... and then he says, "Santa bring me an Uncle John toy?"

I told him Santa doesn't have Uncle John toys, but we have our very own REAL Uncle John. He was satisfied.

Thanks for making our holiday season merry and bright!

Lori

P.S. He LOVES the cowboy rubber ducky. It's definitely a favorite! Thank you again.

Nate-isms

2011-11-14T20:23:00.001-07:00

Dear Nate,
Tonight you watched something creatures of the sea on TV. The later you came in and told me that you saw a "huntback" whale while we were at the lake this summer with your cousins. You also told me that you need "diver pants" and "diver glasses" (meaning "wetsuit" and "goggles") for the next time we got to the lake so you can play with the "huntback" whales.

Then you asked me if the reason fish chew with their mouths open is because they don't have Mommies to tell them to not do that. I just shrugged my shoulders because I was biting my lip so hard in an effort to not laugh that I couldn't speak.

You are a delight and a marvel to me every day. You are such a sweet, kind little boy.

Mama was very ill one day last week. I came home from work and went right to bed. You said, "Aren't you gonna eat dinner, Mama?" and I told you that my tummy didn't feel well. You told me that my tummy hurt because "it was Jesus telling me I need food in my tummy". (no idea where that came from)

I fell asleep and a few hours later I felt little arms wrapped around my head. You were rocking your torso back and forth as best you could while laying beside me. I said, "What are you doing, Sweetness?" You said, "I rock you, Mama, so you can feel better."

I took you grocery shopping with me last week. Each time I'd step across the aisle to get something from the other side of the shelves you'd push the cart over to the side where I was now standing and say, "Here, Mama. I push it so you not haffa reach so far."

I love you, Sweet, Sweet Little Man.

Thanks for letting me be your Mama.

Gratitude

2011-11-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Sir,
I rushed into the grocery store and nearly missed you standing there, proud and straight, your skin weathered with the years. I stopped and watched you from the side for a moment. Smiling so kindly to everyone as you clutched a fistful of red paper poppies. I saw you had one to a tiny little girl and knew that you knew that she had no idea why it was red poppies today... Veterans Day. I wondered how many had rushed by you as you stood, so patiently, trying to gather funds for the Veterans of Foreign Wars.... trying to get the rest of us to remember that we're grateful that we haven't seen what you have seen. Your military hat noted that you'd served as a Chaplain in the Army and I wondered what you'd helped others endure as part of your efforts to serve - your country and your fellow soldiers.

I pushed some money into your bucket. Then I stepped over to you and tried to shake your hand. Your skin looked as delicate as wet Kleenex and I was afraid to touch you. I noted that your hands were gnarled and twisted with arthritis and I wondered if just existing was painful for your fingers.

I grasped the side of your palm and gently squeezed.

"Thank you for your service," I said.

You met my gaze with your milky-blue eyes that have seen so much and said, "I did it for you - and I was happy to do it."

I hurried away because of the tears, but somehow I don't think you'd have minded.

Thank you, sir, for the reminder of what you and so many other brave men and women have done.

For me.

And for my son.

Thank you.

Wolverine. Homecoming Queen.

2011-11-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

Thought it was about time to share some pictures from Halloween.

Nate was a cowboy, and a darn tootin' cute one at that! Everyone kept asking if he was "Woody" from Toy Story, but really he wanted this costume because he'd get to wear his boots.

And, Aunt Titi invited us to her ward Trunk or Treat. They took pictures of the kids beforehand. You can see Collin is better at "SMILE!" and Nate is bent out of shape that we took his candy bag before we took these pictures.

And Uncle Nate got in a great evening as The Headless Horseman

Milestones

2011-10-29T13:04:00.001-06:00

Dear Sweetness,

There are days where it seems like my life has never been without you. There are other times where the reminder of the miracles that had to occur to get you home is nearly overwhelming.

Our sweet friend made this "SuperNate" cape for you. We took it to Haiti when we went to visit you in June of 2009.

That was then:

This is now:

You're running around in your cape today, playing with the lasso that goes with your cowboy Halloween costume. You've lassoed the giraffe and showed it how tough American Haitian Super Cowboys can be.

Thanks, M, for the reminder of how far we've come....

And how INSANELY blessed I am

Ummm... I Think You Started It

2011-10-16T16:04:00.000-06:00

This just happened:

Nate: "Mama, this is kinda weird."

Me: "What's weird, sweetheart?"

Nate: "This talk we're having."

I Know... It's Been Forever...

2011-10-09T20:35:00.001-06:00

Dear Nate,
I haven't posted for quite awhile because Mama's life is crazy. But you've done some very sweet little things I wanted to jot down before I forget them forever.

-You LOVE books and you love to have stories read to you. We're down to a set "two books and then scriptures" at night and you're finally used to it so you don't get upset that I won't read to you all night long.

-You love to go to the library with me to pick out new books. The other week we were looking for books for you. I'd pull one out that I thought you'd like and I'd show it to you. I'd say something like, "What about this one, Nate. It's about elephants" or "This one has animals". You could see where this was going and so then you pulled out a book to show to me. It had a mouse and a ball of yarn on the front. You said, "Mama, how about this one? It's about making balls and a quiet, little mouse." :) Sometimes I'm not sure if you're four, or forty....

-Several weeks ago we were running errands with Titi and Colly and we stopped to grab a bite to eat. You were sitting on the bench next to Collin, happily munching fries, when suddenly you started crawling across Collin to get out of the bench.

"Nate, what are you doing?" I asked.

You said, "I need to fold my prayers" and there, in the middle of the restaurant, you dropped to your knees and folded your arms. I was laughing so hard I almost didn't get this picture:

- The other day you asked me some random question and I didn't know the answer to whatever it was you were asking. I said, "I don't know, Sweetness". You sighed in the most exasperated way and said, "Well, if you don't know, I can't tell you!!"

-You really like knowing where things are going and what's coming next. I figure you've had enough unbelievable things happen in your young life that you deserve to be cautious about how things are going to work out.

Sometimes, though, it's fascinating to see what you're thinking about. Here's an example:

Grandma came over the other day to visit. When she got up to leave, you asked her why she was going and she said she needed to go home and feed Grandpa.

About three hours later you came up to me and said,"'Mama, I not know what Grandpa eat. What Grandma make for him?" so we had to call Grandma to find out what she'd fed him.

- You've been sick lately. Seasonal allergies building to a sinus infection. The day that it really hit and you couldn't breathe, this is what you said to me when I arrived home from work: "Mama, my nose is broken AND... it doesn't work because it's full of boogers."

Hate when that happens....

- You and Mama went on a date to see the Lion King in the movie theater. I was so excited to take you. As the movie started, I leaned over and whispered, "Thanks for coming on a date with me." You didn't move your eyes from the screen, but leaned back and whispered, "You welcome".

-I love the way you refer to time. Anything before right now is "Last day" or "Last-er Day". So you'll tell me a story and say, "'Member Last-er Day when we...." LOVE IT!

-Speaking of time, you've been learning your days of the week. Now, if you hear Daddy or Mama mention a day of the week (like, "On Saturday, we need to...") you'll hold up your fingers like you're counting and you say, VERY matter of factly, "Monday, Friday, Tuesday." and then you give this look like, "I know, I'm awesome, right?"

- You don't like that I have to go to work every day. If I don't get out the door before you wake up there's usually weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. I remind you that Mama has to work and I say, "Why does Mama have to work?" You sigh deeply and say, "So you can pay monies".

You know it has SOMETHING to do with money and I think it's cute that you say it that way, so I don't correct you when you say it.

- You can now swallow a pill with water! I know, it's shocking! I don't think my baby brother can do that and he's a dad himself. But Benedryl actually works the best for your allergy nastiness right now so we taught you how to swallow it (liquid Benedryl gives me the heebee-jeebies as my childhood was filled with ridiculous reactions to mosquito bites. Much better to swallow part of a pill in my mind).

-You know that you got your dimples from your birth mom in Haiti. We actually have a picture of you with her and she's smiling so we look at it and talk about her. Sometimes you'll come up to me and say, "Mama, I get my 'imples from B, right?" (not spelling out her name for Nate's own privacy) I love your 'imples, Little Man, and I'm grateful every day for the Haiti Mama who gave them to you.

I love you, Sweetness.
Mama

You'd Have Thought He'd Have Noticed by Now...

2011-08-27T09:00:00.005-06:00

This has been in my drafts since AUGUST, I guess... Posting it finally:

Nate is in swimming lessons with Colly right now. He loves it.

Best buddies!

Why are you kissing me??

There's a 6-year old girl in his class that is quite a little spit fire. This last week she said to me, "Did you adopt him?"

I said, "Yup... How did you know that?"

She said, 'Because your skins aren't the same color."

I said, "Yup... Nate's from Haiti."

She said, "Nuh-huh.... then how do you know what he's saying??" (picture the snotty look like she's totally just busted me in a blatant lie)

I said, "Because he speaks English."

She scrunched up her nose... "Ooohhh...."

So the best part of that story is that Nate heard me retelling that to someone and I hear him exclaim, "Our SKINS not the same colors???"

I really didn't think I'd have to spell that one out for him, but....

2011-08-26T10:50:00.000-06:00

Dear Nate,
The other day you and Mama were snuggled together, watching a movie.

My cell phone rang, and I picked it up and forwarded the call to voicemail.

You said, "Joo gonna tell 'em that joo snuggling wit joo boy?"

Sweet, sweet child. Mama loves nothing more than having you home to snuggle with.

I love you.
Mama

Introducing... Mr. Melon

2011-08-25T10:50:00.000-06:00

This is Nate pretending to be a potato bug:

He says his "potato bug name" is "Mr. Melon".

Getting So Excited That You Can't Keep Your Shirt On....

2011-08-22T09:00:00.001-06:00

Speaking of birthdays, Mama's was earlier this month. Daddy took you to pick out something for my birthday. You picked out something that you "knew I'd like". You were so excited that you couldn't keep the secret. The night you picked it out, when Mama got home, you took my hand and said, "Let me show you" and you lead me through the entire house trying to figure out where Daddy had hid the presents (you know... so you wouldn't do what you were NOW doing).

Every single night after that you asked me if it was my "dinosaur birfday" yet. So much for secrets...

The night of my "birfday" when I came home from work, you met me at the door, so excited. I had to whip my phone out really quickly to try to record your sweetness.

You were so excited that you were twisting your shirt around while you were telling me.

Sorry that the video is sideways, but you get the idea....

It's My Birfday Par-tay

2011-08-21T21:47:00.000-06:00

Dear Nathan,
You turned 4 yesterday. All your aunts, uncles and cousins came down to celebrate with you, along with Aunt Titi and your best buddy, Colly.

We had it at a local park where the kids could play on the big toy. Papa grilled burgers for everyone.

This was your face when you saw the elephant from Brian and Kim.

Just like last year, you weren't expecting the presents. It surprised you that we were doing that, too.

"It's Thomas!" (Thanks, Trudi)

That's what friends are for!


This was your face when you were opening your first presents.


Bike Helmet from Grandma and Grandpa "Mint"

You're such a sweet, beautiful, wonderful little man. We love you so very much.

Happy Birthday, Sweetness!
Mama

Manners

2011-08-19T19:45:00.000-06:00

Dear Son,

Daddy's taught you that the polite way to ask for something is to say, "May I please....".

That means that when you come up to me and try to order me, "You read that book to me!" then I say, "How do you ask?" and you say, "May I please you read that book to me?".

It makes me laugh every time.

I love you, Mama

How Accurate Are Your Sources?

2011-08-11T10:00:00.000-06:00

Dear Nate,
The other night you and I walked to a park in a nearby neighborhood. They have a "big toy" there with several slides. You went down the first one and kinda fell over towards the end of the slide and felt like the slide "grabbed your face" so you weren't too happy about that slide.

I tried to get you to go down the "twisty-tube" slide. You sat at the top and Mama tried to coax you down. I showed you how it is such a fun slide that it makes our voices sound funny when you're at the top and Mama's at the bottom.

You agreed that was awesome and were content to just sit at the top and yell things down the tube to me.

Then I tried to shimmy UP the tube slide with my 6 feet of body to get around the corner far enough that you could see me and confirm that it was NOT, in fact, a tube of death into the unknown.

You laughed at Mama wedged in the slide but still weren't gonna move.

I kept trying some positive "You Can Do It!" motivation from the bottom of the slide.

You were trying to gear up, and psych yourself up to go down the slide by yourself.

That's when I heard your soft little voice say, "Mama.... Joo SURE kids does this??"

Sweet, sweet little man.

I love you,
Mama

Hearts and Thoughts They Fade

2011-07-31T17:09:00.000-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
Mama's got to write down some of the sweet and silly things you say and do because memory WILL fail me.

The other day you were talking about Colly. You started listing off all of your favorite toys of Colly's.

"He gots a elephant. He gots a dinosaur.... Really, he gots EVERYTHING!"

____

You are REALLY bothered by the bugs of summer nipping at you. It makes you so mad and frustrated.

You asked me the other day, "Why bugs eats peoples?" I told you that they must think we're tasty.

You sighed, knowingly, "Oh... like when Daddy eats my chocolate neck...."

And somehow that resolved it for you

____

You made the comment the a few months ago that something was "expensive as an elephant". Since then you've asked me if you were "obedient as a dinosaur" (thanks to the "How Does a Dinosaur Say Goodnight" book and our frequent discussions about every detail of every picture).

Another day you snuck up on me and "bwah'd" me to scare me. I pretended to be VERY scared and said, "Wow! You snuck up on me" and you said, "Yeah! I sneaky as a hippopotamus!!"

Not EXACTLY what I was thinking of when I think "stealthy wild creatures", but what do I know...

____
We have a marble statue replica of the Christus in our home. The other day you told Daddy, "That's Jesus.... I like his head."
____
One night in your prayers you said, 'Thank you for playing in the dirt with Daddy..."

I love to listen to your prayers. You're also pretty frank about how you're feeling about things. The other night I was getting us ready for bed and said, "Nate, are you going to say your prayers?" and you looked at me and said, 'Umm... no, probably not."

Why do men start young with that attitude to spiritual things??

you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

2011-07-12T23:03:00.001-06:00

Someday, Little Man, you will grow up.

I pray you grow to be a man who will make good choices.

I pray you will be a man who serves others.

I pray you will grow to be a man who trusts and loves God.

I pray to always love you so much that nothing would be more devastating than losing you.

I hope you choose to love another person so much that they alter every other thing in the universe. They are the light of your day, and the darkness they can bring is of the darkest night.

And by that I mean that I hope you choose to be a daddy one day.

As I look back on my life, the day you came home marks the end of one life and the beginning of another beautiful, magical existence.

It's as if time shifted and everything now folds into "Before Nathan" and "After Nathan".

I think differently because I think about how to explain it to you.

I dream differently because my dreams include you.

I see differently because I think about sharing it with you.

I eat differently because now I think about how to introduce that food to you, or whether you like it, or if I can slip it into your potatoes without you noticing.

Mama has a dear friend who was vital and instrumental in matching us to you, getting us to Haiti to visit you over and over again and getting you out of the country out of the earthquake. I feel like I wouldn't be a Mama without "Mama Chareyl" because I wouldn't have been able to get you home to me without her.

She has so much faith and trust in God and she's continuously serving others. She's the kind of person your Mama wants to be when she grows up.

Mama Chareyl lost one of her biological children this week.

Your Mama's heart is breaking for Mama Chareyl.

I have only had you for such a short time compared to the 23 years she had with her son. But I know Mamas are supposed to fix things and be able to make it all better for their babies. At least we think we are. And that feeling doesn't dissipate when our babies are adults and are making their own choices.

For now, Son, we will pray for Mama Chareyl and her family. We will pray for peace for them in this brutal time. We will find ways to show our love to them.

And Mama will hug you extra tight tonight, because we never really know how long our universe will be magically altered by that special kind of love.

No matter what, Son, know that I carry your heart with me.

Love,

Mama

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                    i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings

Seriously, He Is This Sweet...

2011-07-10T20:32:00.000-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
Mama needed a nap today. She didn't sleep well this weekend.

I tried to get you to snuggle with me and take a nap and you kept wiggling and moving and asking the same questions over and over again.

After... AN HOUR of that, I got frustrated.

"Nate," I said, "I need some sleep. Will you please hold still?"

I settled back down and closed my eyes.

Seconds later, I felt your little lips softly pressing against first one and then the other of my eyelids as you kissed them.

Then you cupped your little hands over my eyes ever so softly and said, "You sleep now. I cover your eyes for you. You just sleep now."

I love you more than I can ever tell you.
Mama

Uncle Nate, Jr

2011-06-28T07:40:00.000-06:00

Nate remembers all sorts of things. It's sometimes hard to keep up with his train of thought because he's remembering some random event from months ago.

The other night he asked me what "Jr." meant. I asked him where he'd heard that. He remembered that the mama elephant in "Dumbo" named the baby elephant "Jumbo Jr." (which it a name that lasts for about 2 seconds until the other elephants see his ears and change his name to "Dumbo"). We haven't seen that movie in a long time.

I explained to him what it meant and he thought for a bit.

"So, my name Uncle Nate, Jr?"

Well, essentially, yes. You're Uncle Nate and Daddy, Jr because you're named after both of them. Way to make a connection, Baby Boy.

Birthday Tribute

2011-06-27T07:22:00.004-06:00

The adoptive family of another child from Haiti recently sent a wonderful donation to Bèl Haiti. There was a note on it that said the donation was in honor of the adoptive father's birthday, donated by his parents. What a beautiful tribute and a great birthday idea!

It thrills us to see the generations of family that whose lives are eternally changed by these beautiful children.

I tell Nathan every day how grateful I am to be his Mama. I know his grandparents and great-grandmas are in love with him as well.

I'm so grateful that God knew where our son was when he was born and how to get him to us.

Worth every second of the long, arduous journey to get him home!

Thank you again to that family for the birthday tribute. Harry will be thrilled!

Buddies

2011-06-26T21:04:00.000-06:00

Colly came to play this past week.

After the boys got all muddy in the backyard, they came inside and played "jump off the couch together" and "make a silly pose for the camera"

This picture reminds me that I took off their muddy shoes but didn't clean their legs before they started jumping. :)

I'm so glad you have such a good buddy. Thanks for coming over, Colly!

Damn You, Dreamworks!

2011-06-15T21:20:00.001-06:00

Nathan loves trains, elephants, whales and masha-tatoes.

He also loves dragons

He has a "Toothless" dragon that he loved to play with.

Until he left it out one day and Divot chewed the end of the tail off.

My sweet OCD son, who has to have things lined up and his toys clean, was heartbroken over the broken tail.

We explained that's what happens sometimes when you leave your toys out and that we couldn't fix it.

Daddy ended up putting the toy away for a few months. Toothless recently emerged from the Toy Witness Protection Program, and Nathan has been having fun with him.

When he's not crying over his broken tail.

His language skills have improved since Toothless was originally broken. After I explained to him (for the umpteenth time) that we couldn't fix it, he sobbed "but Hiccup fixed Toothless's tail!"

Damn.

So that is how I found myself fashioning a dragon prosthetic out of felt and sewing it around Toothless's stump.

Nathan is thrilled. He's even told the dragon, "We fixed you!"

Now I know what I'll feel like when he comes home from school and excitedly announces that he's going to be broccoli for the school play.....

Sweetness 101

2011-06-13T19:25:00.000-06:00

Sweetness,
You've said some very sweet things lately. I thought I'd take a few minutes to jot them down here.

Daddy was laid off several weeks ago. He's been working hard at home, putting in the backyard, and focusing more time on Bèl Haiti. You have so enjoyed spending more time with Daddy. Today, you came back from Home Depot with Daddy and were so excited to show me that Daddy got you your own "work glubs" (gloves).

If there's anything you love more than trains and mashed potatoes, it's digging in the dirt!
___________
The other day you were listing off everyone in our family. "Grandma love me; Grandpa love me; Aunt love me; Uncle love me... MAMA, EVERYBODY LOVE ME!" you exclaimed, throwing your arms wide and with a big grin on your face!

___________
Another afternoon you were whining and I said, "Nate, why are you whining?"

"I not whining," you said. "I squeaking."

Oh! My mistake, Son. Sorry about that.
___________
Sunday afternoon you said, "Mama, this is a good house for me."

I'm not sure how much you knew what you were saying, but I think this is a good house for you, too, Sweet Boy. This is exactly where you should be.

Comfort and Joy

2011-06-06T20:59:00.000-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
Mama tells you your adoption story often. Right now you have no idea what I'm talking about but you can repeat all the parts. You know that Nathan "was born at Haiti" (that's how you say it) and you love to watch the little video clips we have of that first trip when Mama and Daddy fell head over heels for you.

Mama and Daddy soaked in everything about you that first trip. You'd think two people had never fallen in love with a baby before.

Mama took this picture when you reached out and grabbed Daddy's finger in your sleep. It was so sweet, just like everything about you.

You love to know someone is there.

If Mama is holding you, you play with her hair. If Daddy is by you, you like to hold his hand.

Mama took this picture while we were on Thomas the Train the other week.

You have always been a sweet, tender-hearted boy.

That is, after all, why Mama calls you "Sweetness".

I love you, Son.
Mama

Nathan Rides the Rails

2011-05-30T21:48:00.000-06:00

Dear Son,
This weekend you were able to visit Thomas the Train as he visited the old Heber Valley Railway. You were so excited to go with Mama, Daddy, Uncle Nate and Aunt Al. You had been marking off the days on the calendar for weeks.

It was overpriced and chaotic and totally worth the look on your face.

Our coach window was open. You put your hand out the window and touched the side of the coach. "Mama," you said, "I'm TOUCHING Thomas."

It really was a perfect day.

Love,
Mama

Serpentine! Serpentine!

2011-05-20T10:23:00.001-06:00

It happened again today.

I'm not sure if you're supposed to have a "favorite traffic interaction", but a single police car slaloming for all he's got to stop 6 lanes of traffic singled-handedly is totally my favorite traffic interaction.

There's something about watching people obey police officers that are just trying to help that makes me want to do the "STAND UP" portion of "I'm Proud to Be an American".

Except I'm driving and standing up would be bad.

Anyway, from the Countdowntohomecoming archives, I give you: Police Improv

So there I am, in the commuter lane, minding my own business. Suddenly, on the far right lane, a highway patrol officer flips on his lights and his siren. He's only 2 cars ahead of me, so I'm RIGHT THERE for the action. I watch to see who he's going to pull over (and no, it was not me).

To all of our surprise, he begins slaloming back and forth across all 7 lanes of traffic. It's a weird thing to watch. At first you wonder if he's OK. It seems like some sort of automotive seizure. Then you frantically try to remember your Driver's Education days to see if they told you what this means and you remember that they only went over what to do when the lights and sirens are behind you and that slaloming was definitely NOT covered. Meanwhile, he's still slaloming and everyone's slowing down and trying to "SLOW" since that's what we think it means.

Of course, there's a couple of idiots who think that the entire freeway has spontaneously decided to drive 5 miles per hour for no good reason that start trying to whip around cars and get back up to the open space they can see. Seriously, friend in the white sports car... Think for two seconds. What are the odds that everyone - EVERYONE - would drive that speed simultaneously without reason. I know based on what you see on TV and music videos, sometimes it seems that people regularly break out into synchronized dance moves, but that doesn't really happen. Maybe you should get out more. People just aren't that organized.

I actually found myself talking to Mr. White Sports Car from inside my car. As I was yelling something like, "Pay attention! There's a policeman slaloming ahead! STAY BACK!" I realized that while I know the universal sign for choking, and I know what sign indicates "This is a McGruff house and it's safe to ask for help", I actually don't know enough signs to say "Police Slalom Ahead!!!" I really should have studied more Sign Language.

Which also makes me wonder how the police train for these types of things. I think they should have an improv class. It would be like, "OK, Officer Jenkins, you're up next. The scene is: Large debris on the freeway and you need to slow down all the lanes of traffic by yourself. Go!" and then Officer Jenkins would be like, "What's my motivation again?" and the teacher would be like, "Give me "Panic" and he'd be like, "OK. I'm ready" and then he'd start flipping on the lights and sirens and slaloming all over the place. And then everyone would clap at his brilliance except for Mr. White Sports Car who shouldn't be there anyway because this class is just for policemen.

Mr. White Sports Car really is an idiot.

Pardon Me, Miss... Your Threat is Showing.

2011-05-14T13:06:00.002-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
It's so fascinating to watch you reach different milestones. Some of them are social. Others are verbal. Others are physical.

You've recently picked up on the "threat" option for inter-personal communication. I'm sure it's from the elementary school aged kids that are there in the afternoon at your daycare.

You have the concept generally correct. "When I don't get what I want, I will threaten something worse". However, your execution leaves something to be desired. Mostly from your side. You don't realize that the threat is actually supposed to be something your audience will dread.

I give you an example:

You love trains. Mama and Daddy and Nathan are going to ride the little local train up in the canyon in a couple of weeks. Since I told you we had tickets and were going to do that in "14 sleeps", you've been using the potential of NOT riding the train to ME.

If you don't get what you want, you huff, fold your arms and say, "Fine then! I can't wanna ride a train wit Mama and Daddy then!"

O...K...

You don't realize that Mama and Daddy really don't care about riding the train. On a scale from "1 to huge deal in OUR lives", it's on the "1 side."

If this were a card game and you said, "Do you have 'Not ride the train'?" I'd say, "Go fish".

That's just how it rolls when you're old, honey.

Similarly, last night you were your evil alter-ego, Señor Grumpy Pants.

Now, mind you, there have been occassions when you're having a total melt-down when Mama will say, "Should we say a prayer?" and I pick you up and hold you on my lap and we say a little prayer and ask for help to calm you down and help you feel better.

Now last night, Señor Grumpy Pants decided to THREATEN Mama.... WITH A PRAYER.

You said, "Fine then! I'll fold my prayers!" and you huffed loudly and folded your arms, closed your eyes and bowed your head and said, very curtly and with staccato precision, "Thank. you. for. my. Mama. Thank. you. for. my. Daddy. Thank. you. for. my. food. Help. me. a. not. be. so. GRUMPY. A-MEN!!" and then you looked at me triumphantly with a "take that, woman!" glare.

I hope you didn't notice how fiercely I was biting my lip.

I said, "Wow... you SHOWED me! Mama will think twice before making you dinner again. Please don't ever PRAY in my general direction again, Nate!"

You gave me a smug look.

I had to walk away so I could laugh.

I know someday, you're going to be all attitude. Someday you'll recognize that words hurt and that people who live under the same roof can make life hell for other people in the family.

For now, I will take your toddler threats. I am so grateful to have you as my son, even if it means I occasionally have to parent Señor Grumpy Pants.

I love you,
Mama

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T23:35:00.001-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
Today was Mother's Day.

I hate this holiday. I think I always have. I don't like Hallmark telling me what to do, so I completely loathe this day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day...

Don't even get me started on Arbor Day cards.

Church is also hard on this day. I have had many Mother's Days without children. Many, many years where I didn't know if I'd ever be a mother. I've been OK with the fact that other people could have what I could not, but I know this is a hard thing for many, many women. I know many women who avoid baby blessings and who can't stand hearing that someone else is expecting.

It can be very, very difficult to listen to Mother's Day talks about perfect mothers.

I was talking with the guys at work about Mother's Day and I said, only partially joking, that maybe instead of handing out potted plants for Mother's Day, the church should give out razor blades. We beat ourselves up waay too much, I think.

But it's more than that, really. I've realized in the last year and a half since you came into my life permanently that EVERY DAY is Mother's Day.

Thank you for being my son. Thank you to your Haitian mom, B, who made the decision to let us raise you because she could not. I know she wanted to raise you. She changed her mind when you were about 7 months old and she took you home for a few months. I'll never know what she went through when she decided again to place you but I'll always, always be grateful she did.

You have changed everything in my life, Sweetness. I don't need one day per year to realize that.

I love BEING with you. I love living life with you by my side. I love - not being a mom, but being YOUR MOM.

I love you,
Mama

So Interesting to Hear Your Thoughts...

2011-05-06T20:40:00.000-06:00

Dear Sweetness,

Today on the way to Jessie's we saw a hot air balloon. You'd never seen anything like that before.

You said, "Mama, what dat ting?"

I explained it was a hot air balloon and that there were people in it and that they were looking at the valley.

You said, "Mama, I wanna go in one. Please, please, please?"

I explained that it would, indeed, be very fun to go in one but that it was very expensive. I said, "That means it costs a lot of 'monies'." (using your word for "money")

From the back seat you sighed loudly and knowingly.

"Sigh... Like elephants," you said.

Yes, sweetness... just like elephants.

Cause in My Head There's a Greyhound Station Where I Send My Thoughts to Far off Destinations...

2011-04-25T21:27:00.001-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
You've grown again. 7 inches since you came home. Your grandmas say that you're taller each time they see you. Sometimes I think you're taller each time I see you.

You're finally pretty much potty trained. You're so pleased with yourself.

Your language skills are exploding. You still have your own way of saying some things. A few of my current favorites are:

blacklist - breakfast
flum - thumb or plum, depending on the context
wallermillon - watermelon
nuggle - snuggle
prootnac - fruitsnacks
sanglitch - sandwich

You love to read books and I think it's so sweet the way you relate to the characters. One of your favorites this week is The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I realize that Eric Carle does his pictures as tissue paper collages and that's why his books are so fun, but it also makes some of his pictures hard for you to decipher. There's a piece of cherry pie in this book and no matter how many times I tell you that's what it is you still call it "pizza cake" (because that IS sort of what it looks like). You love to jump ahead to the part where the caterpillar eats to much and has a tummy ache. I think you're sad for him. You know what it's like to have "tummy hurts"

You also love to randomly blurt out, "Mama, where it live?" and then I'll ask you "Where does what live, Sweetness" and then you say whatever random animal you've been thinking about. Sometimes you forget that I can't hear your thoughts. Your animal choices are things like elephants, octopus, bear, shark, horses, whales, "penglins", and sometimes it's something like "trains". "Where trains live, mama?"

This last weekend you started your "Why" phase. It's been the longest few days of my life :) I repeat it back to you each time you say it and you get very mad and I say, "yeah, it is annoying isn't it?" Sometimes I tell you exactly why just to keep my cool. Like today you threw a ball and it accidentally hit Mama. I said, "Hey, you hit me!" and you said, "Why?" so I explained trajectory to you and you kept asking "why" until you used up all my physics knowledge.

At least it amuses me...

You love counting things, even though a lot of the numbers you use are made up. Eleventeen, and twentyteen are personal favorites.

The other night you went to the store with Daddy. When you came home, you came running down the hall and said, "Mama, I here!" and when you hugged me you said, "I came back for you."

You remember things with scary accuracy. And sometimes you pull something out that you heard somewhere and I'm pretty sure you DIDN'T know you used it correctly. Like the other day you asked if we could do something and I said, "We'll have to see" and you said, "That'll be the day". After I quit laughing I asked you where you heard that and you reminded me that one of the trains says that in one of your Thomas videos. It just happened to fit, but I don't think you know what it means.

I don't THINK you do...

I love, love, love being your Mama and I'm so proud of every little thing you do, Sweetness.

I love you.
Mama

A 13 on the BUN Scale

2011-04-16T10:39:00.000-06:00

At work this week we started chatting about how somethings should just be WRONG no matter where you live. There shouldn't be a culture (in my personal and oh so humble, opinion) where it's OK to try to sell or marry a child. There shouldn't be a culture where women aren't allowed to think or have a voice or face. There shouldn't be a culture where children can die because their parents were sucked into a Facebook game and left them to drown in the tub.

I think we could call it the "B.U.N. Scale" for Basic Universal Nastiness.

The more I have thought about this the last few days, the more I like the idea. It would be awesome if news stories had a BUN Scale at the beginning of the story and you could just know you'd want to tune out because the details of this story exceed your BUN Scale coping abilities.

Then I saw the local news the other day. There was a headline that said something like, 'Man May Face Felony Charges after 9th Arrest in Girls' Locker Room". I don't know which word in that is more disturbing: "may" or "9th". Repeat Offenders would get a high number on the BUN scale. Repeat Offenders against children are practically on their own chart. Frisking 6 year olds at the airport would be on the scale. The three stories I've heard lately about people who have essentially locked children in rooms and treated them like animals should be scored. This number could give judges a clear indicator of universal nastiness of some of the crimes. It should pull into their sentencing.

There are some other, broader social applications of this potential scale. For example, mullets could have a rating. Wife-beaters would get a score. Spandex in general could have a score. That woman that walked by me at a concert years ago who was wearing a lime-green tank top that was about 12 sizes too small for her and therefore her entire belly was hanging out - she gets a special number. I still remember it because I was scarred by it. SHE had the hairiest navel I've EVER seen. I still have nightmares. High BUN Scale factor on that one.

So I'm partly joking and I'm partly serious. I wish there was a better way to keep kids safe, help people make choices that aren't harmful and generally help people to not bite each other. Those things should be universally understood. We should do a better job of taking care of each other.

Whether or not we rank she-male navels is really optional.

The One About When God Gave the Whale a Job Chart, and Other Lesser Known Bible Stories

2011-04-02T21:45:00.001-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
You recently developed a little issue with hitting people when you're mad. I think you picked it up on the mean streets of daycare. You pull your arm back as far as it will go - so your hand is clear behind your neck and you leave it there, while glaring at your victim. You want them to know that you're locked and loaded.

When you do this to Mama, I remind you gently that if you continue with this decision, you'll have a very nice time out all to yourself.

That usually results in an extremely slow motion forward release, ending with you patting my leg and whispering, "No."

You still get timeout. A slow motion hit in anger is still the problem.

After many, many timeouts Mama decided to try something different. I made a job chart for you. If you could go 5 whole days without hitting, we'd take you to pick out a little toy.

You were very peeved about the job chart. You kept saying, "I can't wanna make-a chart a not hit! I can't wanna five days! " There was a lot of weeping, wailing and teeth gnashing. But Mama held firm.

The next day was Sunday. I was in Primary with you (as you still have issues with them wanting you to sit AND not cry in Primary). You were very wiggly and ready to be done with Sharing Time. The sister that was teaching the lesson was talking about different Bible stories. I kept trying to get you to listen to her but you weren't having it.

Then she started talking about Jonah. Somewhere in your wiggles, her words wafted into your mind and settled. You realized what she was actually saying. You froze in your seat and stared at the teacher.

Then you looked at me, wide-eyed, and said, "He got EAT by a WHALE???"

"Oh, Sweetness," I said, "There's a lot more where that came from. I'll tell you after church."

So that afternoon, as I changed you out of your Church clothes, I told you the tale of Jonah and the whale. I made sure it was at your level. I told you about how Heavenly Father asked Jonah to go talk to some people because they weren't being nice and Jonah didn't want to listen. I told you about how Jonah tried to run away, and how he ended up in the ocean and how a whale scooped him up. I told you the whale just held Jonah in his mouth so that Jonah was safe (making it very clear he didn't EAT him) and that after three days, the whale spit Jonah back out on the land. And that then Jonah went on to Nineveh.

I could see the wheels in your mind turning. You were staring off into space and I could tell you were picturing something in your mind. You were trying to reconcile this crazy story your Mama had just told you and make sense out of a world where whales "sort of" eat people.

I said, "Nate, what are you thinking about?"

You said, "Heavenly Father say, "No, no, Whale. You not eat Jonah."

I agreed that Heavenly Father probably did tell the whale not to eat Jonah.

And then you said, 'He say, 'No, whale. You gotta be nice. You not eat him. You gotta make a chart. You gotta make THREE DAYS a not eat him. And the Whale said, 'GRRR.... I can't wanna make a chart a not eat him..."

It was so hard not to giggle as you tried to work through your continued frustration at the job chart and combined it with your new fascination with Jonah and the whale.

At least, apparently, even God gets complaints from the villagers when job charts are implemented. The whale's anger at the job chart is my new favorite part of the story.

You continued to talk about the whale and not wanting a job chart for a good hour. I even called Grandma and you told her the story.

I've also noticed that you seem really keen on the story of David and Goliath. You like Daniel and the Lions' Den and you like David and Goliath. But lately, you seem to make all of the Biblical characters "David". You want it to be David in the lions' den. You want it to be David that was swallowed by a whale.

Now that I think about it.... it's probably because you're so impressed that David not only got away with throwing things but he also did a serious job of hitting someone without getting in trouble.

And without getting a job chart.

I love you, Sweetness,
Mama

600th post

2011-03-24T11:32:00.002-06:00

Sweetness,
Last night in your prayers you said "thank you for warm and comfy".

I asked you what "comfy" meant.

You said, "Nathan and Mama".

I love you, too, Little Man.

Mama

Prayers of the Children

2011-03-21T20:16:00.001-06:00

My dear Sweetness,

One of my favorite moments of the day is helping you to say your prayers at night.

You're so sweet... when you fold your arms, you call it "folding my prayers."

"Look, Mama... I folding my prayers," you tell me.

You've been repeating what I tell you, dutifully, so I recently decided we could branch out and let you say your own prayers.

I start by asking you "how do we start" and then you open your prayer with, "Heavenly Father...."

Then I ask you what you are thankful for.

You usually sigh deeply and then say, "Thank you for my doggies and my mommies and my daddies and my doggies." I'm not sure why we're plural, but the doggies are always there twice. :)

Then I keep asking you what you're thankful for until you seem to have listed everything you can think of that night.

The things you list touch me and remind me of where you've been, where you are and how far we've all come in the last year.

Here are some of the things you've been thankful for in the last few weeks:

1. "Thank you eating"

2. "Thank you playing"

3. "Thank you for covers" (that's what he calls blankets particularly the blanket his Grandma made him)

4. "Thank you for my house"

and my personal favorite:

"Thank you Daddy tickles my 'pits"

Thank you for helping me remember all that we have to be grateful for.

I love you, Sweetness.
Mama

Update on the Rent

2011-03-13T23:09:00.000-06:00

We received word this last week that another organization has made arrangements to catch-up the backrent at Harry's current place.

This means we only need to worry about the "going forward". We're in talks to see if we can pay the landlady monthly (because it's always easier to come up with a six hundred dollars on a regular basis than several thousand all at once).

Nothing like having this sudden stress reduced to a tenth of what it was! A big two points for the Lord on that!

Milestones

2011-03-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Sweetness,
You reached a new milestone in "immigrant toddler-hood" last night.

We walked in the door and the heat vent under the sink was slightly askew. It sits in the kick plate, so it was a bit obvious that it wasn't sitting correctly.

You immediately blamed it on the dog.

You said, "Divot broke it!"

Then you picked it up and held it in your hands. You looked at it like it was horribly destroyed.

"It's broken" you said, "Damn it!"

I asked you where you heard that word.

You said, 'Daddy."

Busted.

Well, When You Put It THAT Way....

2011-03-06T08:10:00.001-07:00

Dear Son,
We live in the valley at the base of the beautiful Mt. Timpanogos.

I love this mountain. I love it in all seasons. I love watching the sunrise over it and the sunset upon it.

When I lived in Florida (which is very pretty but FLAT) I missed this mountain.

I've been trying to help you appreciate this mountain.

Sometimes when we're driving and the sun is setting, I'll point it out to you and tell you how pretty it is.

Sometimes I point out the mountain when we're clear across the valley and I make you say, "Hi, Mountain."

I want you to appreciate how beautiful this world is.

The other day, we were driving to Grandma's. She lives in the city right at the base of the mountain. So we were driving along and the mountain was RIGHT THERE out the window and I was saying, "Nate, isn't that a pretty mountain? Mama loves that mountain. She thinks it's beautiful."

From the back seat, I heard you say, "Mama...." (in hindsight, this is where you were thinking, "how do I break this to her")

"Mama, it just DIRT."

People have asked where to order the book

2011-02-28T07:56:00.003-07:00

Team Hope: Haiti, January 2010 | Make Your Own Book

Click here and it will take you to the blurb.com page.

I added a hardcover-image wrap option as well if you want that.

I Can't Want To Be a Romanoff

2011-02-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

My dearest Sweetness,
You have a new saying that is adorable and so appropriate.

Instead of saying that you "don't" want to do something, you say you "can't want" to do it.

Mama will say it's time to get ready for bed and you say, 'Mama, I can't want to."

Or I'll tell you we need to get you some medicine for the nasty cold you've had and you tell me that you "can't want" your medicine.

I think I'm going to start trying that one out at work - next time I get asked to create a report or something. We'll see if it works any more successfully for me than it has for you.

Speaking of cold medicine, I think it wired you last night. You were literally bouncing up and down as fast as you could. I asked you what you were doing and you said, "I dancing". Then, on all the "downbeats" of your jumping you said, "Mama. I. Don't. Wanna. Listen".

It was very cute and I have to admit that I couldn't prevent myself from laughing at you.

I am constantly amazed at how you think things through. Since you came home you've called my parents "Grandma and Grandpa Fish" (because they have an enormous aquarium in their living room) and you call Papa's parents "Grandma and Grandpa Mint" (because our last name is hard to say when you're three).

The "grands" have LOVED it - it's been so cute and they've called themselves that as well (like on the phone or "come give Grandpa Fish a hug").

A few weeks ago I finally broke it to you that those weren't REALLY their names. I explained what their names really were and I repeated them a few times so you'd get the association ("Grandma Fish is Grandma Olson", etc).

A few minute later I could hear you in the backseat, talking to yourself. You were trying out the feel of those new names. I heard you say, "Grampa O'son.... Grampa O'son" and then you said, "Mama, do THEY know that?"

I asked you, "does WHO know that?" and you said, "Grampa Fish".

Yes, Sweetie. He knows what his real name is. Sorry to ruin the dream.

Speaking of names, yours can be a mouthful. Our last name is hard to say. You'll get used to spelling it for everyone the rest of your life. But right now, if we ask you what your name is you say "Na-tun Bent Romanoff".

That'll do, Son. That'll do.

I love you,
Mama

Snips and Strings and Little Things

2011-02-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

There has been so much of the past year that I haven't blogged about. It seems like life is a whirlwind and it's all I can do to keep up with work and church and my health raging through it all.

So, if you'll indulge me, I'm going to catch you up on a few gems.

When Nathan came home from Haiti, he didn't know HOW to play. We had toys for him. They were pretty meaningless to him. At that point he didn't know what the animals were so he had no concept of what a stuffed elephant or giraffe were supposed to be.

Nate did two things when he came home with toys:
1. He liked to take a toy (like the infamous El Camino) and HOLD IT in his hand. That's mostly what he did. Hold on to it. He'd take it to bed. Take it to the table to eat. Take it outside, upstairs, wherever he was going. Just hold it.

He still does this. He pretty much always has a train or a car in his hand. I think that's pretty reflective of the orphanage lifestyle - if somehow you get something, hold on tightly because you never know when someone else bigger than you will take it away.

2. The one activity that he did do (right from the moment he was home) with his cars was put things in them. It's kind of hard to explain, but if he finds any tiny scrap of something - a bit of string, a rip of paper, some lint off the carpet - he will pick it up and very carefully shove it into whichever car he's holding. That would entertain him for hours. He could sit on the carpet and pick up little threads and just push them in through the windows of whatever he was holding.

When he was first home and before he could really verbalize what he wanted, he'd come to me with a fully stuffed car just bawling. I eventually figured out he wanted me put help him get everything back OUT of the car so he could push it INTO the car again. Pretty soon he'd bring me the car full of strings and things and say, "Hep, peez" and hand it to me to "de-stuff". I'm pretty good at it now (a straightened paperclip is very useful).

I have thought about this behavior and I've thought about what I know of where he lived. Nate was always sick in Haiti. He didn't really run around much. If you can't fight for what you want, you won't get it in an orphanage.

I know how much concrete there was there and how few toys, how little space for those children. In my mind's eye I can see Nate sitting by a crack in the concrete and pushing little bits of dirt into it over and over again to entertain himself.

Here's a closeup of one of his stuffed trucks:

Right after Nate's arrival, my dear cousin, K, sent him two large cars with a note that said, "Because every American boy eventually has to decide - Mustang, or Camaro?" The doors opened on these cars and they were the perfect size for little boy hands to push around. He has LOVED those cars, K. There was a period of time where he figured out he could pull the tires off of them. He picked one at random, named it "Tire" and he carried it with him everywhere. For weeks Tire went EVERYWHERE - he even took "Tire" to bed. Numerous times we'd be most of the way out the door and he'd realize he didn't have Tire and I'd have to go back and find Tire so he could clutch it in his hand. I finally had to put an end to it after the eightyjillionth time of searching for "tire" all over the dark carpet in the back of my car, where he'd dropped it from his carseat and was now sobbing for "Tire!"

Here is one of the cars from K with some string, a carrot and a bit of plastic inside:

I spent many evenings laying on my stomach next to him and showing him how the cars rolled back and forth if you held them just so and making car noises for him. At first he LOOKED at me like I was insane, but he quickly caught on.

Now he likes to go through all his cars and trains and say, "Mama, what color dis? What color dat?" or "What his name?" (mostly used for his Thomas trains). That will entertain him until Mama is so bored she wants to poke her eyes out.

But the best moments are when I can hear him making his cars or trains talk to each other and he's making whistle sounds and engine sounds and just being an American boy.

That, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

Book, part deux

2011-02-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

Of course, as soon as I got the book in the mail and flipped through it, I could see a few places where the headers weren't lined up how they should have been.

I am uploaded a new copy to blurb.com so if you haven't ordered one yet and you're going to, then please use the 2nd version.

I've also edited the Paypal button to include a "use it where you need it most" option. A couple people have asked about that.

We seem to have flatlined at 83 Twitter followers. Not sure what we need to do to get traction and really get some numbers (aside from having someone who can full-time Tweet... honestly, who has the time for that??)

It Takes a Sweet Boy to Call His 6'4" Papa This

2011-02-16T07:00:00.001-07:00

Nate says this quite often in reference to Daddy.

I just adore the way he says "funny liddle guy".

It's Your Birthday!.... What Do You Mean It's Not Your Birthday

2011-02-14T07:17:00.002-07:00

Nathan's a little confused about the whole "holiday" and "celebrations" thing. Since it was Daddy's birthday 2 weeks ago, he's been singing a little song he made up for the dogs, "It's your birthday, Pohla!"

So we made his first Valentines this week. I thought it would be cute to try to get him to focus for a half a second and tell me something about the kids in his day care.

So, Nate did the front of the cards, and Mama did the investigative reporting on the back.

For those of you who can't quite make it out, the back of Collin's card says, 'He my friend", "He my buddy", "I gonna give him money?" (This one he phrased as a question, trying to figure out again what the point of these "bal-en-times" is), "It's your birthday, Collin" (he wanted to tell that to all the kids, so what are you going to do besides run with it?), "I love him", and "He my big buddy".

And while we're at it, here are the dogs. Their names are Divot

and Bobby Jones,

but Nathan's nicknamed them "Pohla" and "Poklee" respectively.

And here is his best whirling dervish while he sings a little ditty he made up himself titled,

"It's you birfday for Poklee"

I Come Back for You

2011-02-11T07:31:00.001-07:00

Son,

Some friends of ours gave us this Fisher-Price car for you. Somehow they'd ordered two and didn't want to deal with a return.

I'm not sure exactly how that happens, but hey - free car!

Because it's like negative eleventy outside, we have it in the house. In the evenings after dinner you like to get it out and drive it around and around the couch/kitchen island loop. It's like the Toddler Autobahn. Dogs beware. Nate's got his "Flintstone feet" and he's a-going!

I'll say, "Bye, Nate! Come back soon!" and you'll say, "Bye, Mama! I see you later!" and then you're off. Sometimes you say, "I go work. See you later. I get you a Jessie's" (that's his daycare lady).

This last week you added to our little game.

Now when you come back around the loop you say, "Mama, I come back for you!" and then you swing open the door to your car and you run as fast as you can to give me a hug.

Oh, Sweetness. I know exactly how you feel.

Mamas always, always come back for you.

We're flamily.

I love you,
Mama

How Does $5 Per Month Sound?

2011-02-10T13:32:00.002-07:00

We have a "monthly support' option now for helping Haiti.

The button here looks "meh" but the version of it on "belhaiti.org" made me do the happy dance.

Can you do $5.00 per month for Harry? For Bel?

What about $20?

$20.00 is like a bajillionty times more money than Harry could do on his own every month.

Will you help?

My Kingdom for the Rent...

2011-02-10T12:21:00.006-07:00

I'm having a "sigh" day. I chatted with Harry last night.

He started his conversation with me by saying, "I am very worried for some things". That's Harry saying, "You've got to help me. I can't sleep because of some of these things I have no control over. Remember how there's no way for me to get work here? Remember how I'm trying to care for so many other people that I can't take care of my own family sometimes?"

I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I need to get the rent to the owner".

In Haiti they pay rent for buildings a year at a time. That means it's easy for me to forget that he has to do that. It also means he's been worried about this for weeks and just now wanted to remind me that he still owes that.

I asked him what the rent was. I honestly don't know.

See last year at the first of the year, my son was still in an orphanage in Haiti. Last year, Bel Haiti paid the rent at THAT facility.

Then the earth shook and walls fell and all hell broke loose.

My son came home.

We had to split off from the orphanage he was in for a lot of reasons that aren't open for public nosiness.

We reorganized ourselves as Bel Haiti and Harry became our employee.

Harry lives in a building that should technically be paid for by another organization, another orphanage. He lives in a building that was one of three locations of another orphanage. Harry (and his wife and two kids) live in that facility and run the location for that orphanage's director in exchange for a roof over his head.

He, his wife and two children live in one room of that building. That's it. Their "home" is one room.

Oh, and his family gets to eat when the orphanage kids eat.

Have I mentioned Haiti's a rough place to live?

This year, things aren't good in Haiti. The orphanage director can't pay the rent on Harry's location. Since all that orphanage's locations were severely damaged by the earthquake, they are STRUGGLING for every penny this year.

Where does that leave Harry? What is he to do?

He said, 'The rent is $7000, but this building very bad and need much repairs. All the board part [he means "everything made of wood"] been distroyed the woof and the kitchen. also the gates. It all need paint. Very dirty."

I said, "in America the building owner pays the repairs."

Yeah... not how it works in Haiti.

I said, "Harry, please help me remember. Do you feel $7000 is a fair price for that building?"

See it's hard for me to translate things into "Haiti". I live in America and have a garage for my cars and electricity all the time. I have sewage and running CLEAN water piped right into my house.

What do I know about the going yearly rate for a broken down building in Haiti?

Harry's optimism never ceases to amaze me.

He said, "Yes. $7000 very good price. I would like to have better place but i love this place because it is safe and the weather is cool and it easier to take tap-tap when the car is broken."

In Haiti, the cars are always broken. It's always hard for Harry to get things. He has to find a water truck to come and fill the cistern so that he and the children will have water. That costs him $75 every other week. He has to find gasoline so that they can have the generator run in the evenings for a short while. At $4 per gallon, that's not cheap.

But here he is, 6 weeks into the new year, and the landlord wants his money.

How do I tell a man who is living somewhere that should probably be condemned by US standards but by Haitian standards is someplace to "really love" that I don't have the $7000 he needs to cross this worry off his list?

Sometimes I get so focused on raising the other $33K we need for our part of the wall that I forget that Harry still has day-to-day in Haiti to pay for and no funds to do it.

He's always so grateful for every penny we send him. I know he really feels sad when he has to ask for more money because the rent is due or he can't feed the kids if he doesn't get money soon. It's usually smaller increments and we can usually send it to him, but we don't have this chunk of money for the rent.

What do I tell him?

I tell him "I'll get it. We'll find it Harry. We can't have you homeless."

And I cry as I type it from my warm house with the running water because my son "came home".

Harry IS HOME. That's his world. He lives there. That's what he knows.

Countdown to Homecoming's First Product Recommendation

2011-02-10T07:00:00.002-07:00

So, no we're not being paid for this.

A friend at work told me her dermatologist recommended this stuff:

http://www.cerave.com/cream.htm

It's a moisturizing cream with time release something-or-other in it so it keeps "moisturizing" all day.

(yes, I think "time release something-or-other" is the technical term. But thank you for asking.)

You can get it at the Walmarts or the Target. It's pricier, but still not in the "you want me to pay WHAAT??" range.

And here's the best part -

It.
Works.
Better.

I've noticed that the next time I go to "lube" N up (twice per day - I do live in a desert, after all) his skin is not so parched that I think I'm going to chafe him to pieces.

So far, Mama thinks this is muy bueno.

Me likey.

And that's all I have to say about that.

What Happened to My Little Boy

2011-02-09T07:14:00.002-07:00

Dear Sweetness,
For the last several weeks every time I would ask you to stop doing something you would look at me and ask in the most innocent, sweet tone:

"Joo not want me get hurt?"

It seemed that was the only reason you could imagine for me to ask you to stop something.

Even if that something was feeding your food to the dogs.

This last week, something flipped.

I think the terrible threes caught up with you.

Or you learned something on the mean streets of daycare.

Now, when I ask you to not do something you immediately grab something and try to throw it. Usually at my head.

What happened to "Joo not want me get hurt?" Can we go back to that? I not want ME to get hurt either. And really, how much of your life needs to be spent in timeout??

I love you, but I'm not so thrilled with the train chucking phase we've entered.

Let me know when we can move on to something else.

Love,
Mama

It Was Only a Matter of Time

2011-02-08T07:35:00.002-07:00

It's like a rite of passage to write on your face, right?

I'm just glad it was a highlighter.

Can you believe this cheesy mug??

Sweetness, you will never know how much I adore you. Thank you for letting me be your Mama.

We Have 70 Twitter Followers

2011-02-07T08:45:00.001-07:00

mostly due to the awesomeness that is Loralee

And I've decided that I am apparently absolutely no competition, When it comes to either watching the Super Bowl or reading my fabulous musings, the general population chooses the Super Bowl. Thank you for putting me in my place.

Damn those commercials!

But hey, I don't have lousy half-time shows. At least there's that.

So we're trying again today.

Do you Twitter? Do you know someone who does? Help us get the word out about BelHaitiOrg on Twitter.

Please follow us. We don't just want followers - we want STALKERS.

Won't you be our stalker?

We Are Flamily

2011-02-07T07:27:00.002-07:00

Dear Sweetness,
It's been a year that you've been home now. I think you're still getting used to the idea of having a family.

I had to run an errand the other night and I was gone for a few hours. When I walked in the door you yelled, "MAMA! You came back for me!"

It was adorable and yet it hurt my heart.

Since then, we've been talking about how Mamas "always always always" come back for you.

You still don't trust that.

I guess we didn't really "help" that issue, what with our six trips to visit you and your sister while you were in the orphanage.

I don't think you remember those visits, but I think you might remember the stress of being left.

Again.

Then yesterday you looked at me and said, "You love me because we're flam-ily."

That's right, Sweetness. We are "flamily".

And flamilies take care of each other. They love each other. They eat together. They play together. They pray together.

They come back for you.

I will always, always come back for you.

I love you,
Mama

Show Me What You've Got

2011-02-06T19:50:00.001-07:00

Dear Readers,
Do you Twitter? Do you know someone who does?

We're just launching into using Social Media for Bel Haiti.

About a year ago, you helped us raise $10,000 in ONE DAY for Jet Fuel to get these sweet babies home. It worked. They're home. We fueled that plane.

Do you think we could get 100 followers for belhaitiorg on Twitter before the night is out?

Will you help me see if we can?

Thank you,
Nate's Mama

2011-02-06T17:35:00.003-07:00

Team Hope FAQs:

Can I order a copy?

If you really want to, yes, yes you may. Just go to Blurb.com and search for "Team Hope: Haiti".

What exactly is it?

It's a collection of news articles and emails that summarize the whole ordeal. I selected the option on blurb.com so you can preview the whole thing so that you can get an idea of what it is. The articles were pulled off the "internets" during and right after the earthquake but most are no longer online. I THINK that means I could technically advertise it as "Rarely Seen Before Footage", but we'll skip that part.

Why is the picture of my kid so grainy?

Some of these pictures were taken by Team Hope members using their camera phones, then texted to me at the time. I blame it on "low pixel quality", but let's pretend that the "internets" had to crumple the picture up to get it to fit through the tiny little "internets tubes" and when I smoothed it out on this end, that's what I got.

Why didn't do you this as a fundraiser for Bel Haiti?

Because the Blurb.com price was already $47.95. That's a heap o' money, particularly if you're trying to purchase one for more than one kid. I just couldn't stomach tacking on a few more dollars when the audience that would actually be interested in this book is already pretty limited. If I was going to get Oprah to put it on her "Favorite Things List" and we were going to sell a gajillion, then it would have been worth a few extra bucks per copy. I tried to keep it short - it used to be 245 pages, so you're getting the "bargain" version.

This is made up, right?

Nope. No it's not. We really had to go through all this craziness to get our babies home. So worth it!

Team Hope: Haiti, January 2010 | Make Your Own Book

A Year and a Week Later....

2011-02-06T16:20:00.001-07:00

... and I finally have the book done.

196 pages, 340+ pictures.

It's also kind of difficult when you don't have the originals of ANYTHING - you had to pull it all from the web or someone's camera phone.

Despite putting out several calls for pictures and articles, there were really only a few families who contributed.

I've also decided that the Blurb software was quality checked by blind monkeys. It's pure evil and maddening. I don't think I'd use that option again (for what that's worth).

I've stressed about this way more than is healthy. I worry about whether I've "done it right" and I have to keep reminding myself that it is what it is and you can't please everyone.

It has some great pictures of the kids. It has the background story of how it all came together. It shows how crazy the whole process was. It was fun to remember the whole insane process and realize how much you forget when the situation is over.

As I type this, my son is scaling the furniture while making train noises and saying, "Pushing cars! Pushing cars!" And they're home.

That's really the most important thing, right?

[I didn't do a dust cover - so order a soft copy only (if you happen to be one of the families that is interested.)]

How Far We've Come

2011-01-29T12:01:00.023-07:00

(this should have been posted on the 29th - posting now)

Sweetness,

One year ago today, Mama woke up and realized that she should never doubt Heavenly Father.

photo Mike Terry, Deseret News

One year ago today, Mama's blog had a record 30,000 hits in one day as so many people everywhere were watching and worried about whether they would let you board that plane.

photo Mike Terry, Deseret News

One year ago today, you arrived on American soil with your Papa.

photo Mike Terry, Deseret News

You have been such a joy and "happy thought" for me. I look forward to every night, when I arrive to get you and you squeal "MAMA!!!" and do a little dance.

I look forward to playing and singing and just BEING with you every day.

You've grown, son. 6 inches in the last year.

You are happy and learning and make me laugh every day.

You are a sweet, tender-hearted boy and I'm so thrilled I get to be there while you grow up.

I love you,
Mama

Our Political Best

2011-01-26T08:00:00.003-07:00

I'm starting to worry about the intelligence of our leaders.

We're in the process of submitting green card paperwork for Nathan. We have to get all that done so that we can get a SSN so that we can claim him on our taxes so that we can apply for the adoption tax credit before they kill it off entirely. (I smell a request for a tax extension coming on)

First, there's the form. I think they called it an "I-693". When you print it, the form is 6 pages and the instructions on how to fill out the form are another 20 printed pages.

When the last page of the instructions came out of the printer, my eyes fell to the bottom section that explained how this form fell under the jurisdiction of the "Paperwork Reduction Act". I guess I'm lucky that I got the "short" 26-page version of the form.

Then there's the section of questions that you have to answer. Granted, the form expects that you're not three-years old. I get that. I do.

I just happen to think it is completely ridiculous that they make you answer questions like "do you plan on committing espionage while in the United States". Seriously, how many spies answer that 'yes'. Let me rephrase that... how many "successful spies" answer that "yes"? I thought it was pretty much a given that if you were willing to SPY on someone else that HONESTY isn't high on your list of personality strengths.

They wanted to know if Nate was sympathetic to the Nazi Government of Germany between the years 1933 and 1945 . Yes, the question lists those years. Do we really still get a lot of green card submissions for former Nazi sympathizers? Let's say, hypothetically, that a person is 20 before they really figure out their personal governmental leanings. That would mean the youngest of that group is celebrating their 86th birthday this year. I'd imagine that those that happen to still be surviving don't travel much, what with the bad hips and such that come from being EIGHTY-SIX.

And then at the end of the form, they have a section for the submitter to sign. I wanted to add a post-it that says "applicant is THREE and cannot write his name", but I didn't.

At least they found a way to make things work within the laws so we can finish this process for him!

Isn't It Ironic?

2011-01-25T20:42:00.003-07:00

Dear Nathan,
This weekend Mama was making your breakfast. You were sitting on the stool on the other side of the counter from me.

Mama turned around to grab the butter out of the fridge. I estimate it took me approximately 3 seconds.

While my back was turned, I heard you say, "That's dangerous!" in this silly voice that you use when you're repeating something that you heard somewhere that you thought was funny. I know that you normally have no idea what you're saying - you're just repeating what you heard. Usually I can ask you what you mean and you tell me where you heard it.

"What's dangerous, Sweetness?" I said as I turned back around.

And then I gasped.

In that 3 seconds, you had climbed on the counter, grabbed a metal butter knife and were jabbing it, "shower-scene-from-the-movie-Psycho" style into the slot on top of the toaster.

Yes, it was plugged in.

And yes, you were saying "That's dangerous" while STABBING a piece of metal into an electrical device.

My gasp startled you and you dropped the knife.

Then we had a little chat about what "dangerous" means and how it's ALWAYS a bad idea to stick knives into other things.

We'll wait until you're older for the "metal conducts electricity" discussion.

I love you,
Mama

You Know What They Say: You Can the Girl Out of the Inoperable Tumor, But....

2011-01-20T20:42:00.001-07:00

I saw a headline today that said something like, "With Baby Doc Back in Haiti, Aristde Calls 'Next'".

What is it about our beloved Haiti that makes evil dictators swarm like sharks detecting blood in the water?

I'm positive that Duvalier has realized that there is a lot of money going to Haiti right now and that one only need be in charge to get it rerouted to your own Swiss bank account.

Why don't some people catch on to the things you should learn as a child like 1) don't bite people, 2) take care of everyone smaller than you, 3) it's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice.

Make a Box

2011-01-14T21:52:00.003-07:00

Dear Nathan,
We've been working on potty training lately.

You were potty trained in Haiti. When you were there and Papa got there to bring you and your friends to America you would tell him when you needed the toilet. Papa said sometimes he was pretty sure you just used the toilet as an excuse to get away from the other 200 children that were crammed into Foyer post-earthquake.

Then we came to America and started all sorts of meds for parasites and you weren't sure you wanted to talk much so we didn't push it and we went to diapers.

I actually typed "went back to diapers" until I remembered that you'd have just been bare-butt naked in Haiti. No disposables there.

We won't talk about how the kids at your O just "went" wherever and twice a day they'd spray down the concrete. You ate, played, pooped and napped on that concrete. There were also a couple of buckets (literally) in the tiny alley behind the building. I don't even want to know how often those were "cleaned".

And they wondered why you were always sick.

Anyway back to the here and now - Mama made you a chart and every time you tell us when you need to go potty you get to mark off a box. At the end of the line of boxes, you get a Thomas the Tank Engine toy from "the Walmarts".

Cheap bribery.

Before Mama introduced "The Chart", you'd actually sometimes tell me you needed to "go potty". Since "The Chart" you seem to be humoring me. You now tell me that you need to "make a box for Percy".

Yup, that's what you call it. "Make a box". Call a spade a spade, right? It's like you're saying, "OK, woman. I'll play your little game if I must."

We've propped the couple of trains that you're working toward up on the wall above the shower. You can see them in their packages and sometimes I've found you standing in the bathroom, looking up at them longingly. I'll ask you what you're doing and you'll turn to me with determination and say that you need to "make a box for Percy".

And I love that now you clap for EVERYONE that goes potty. You're so proud of ME and you've even asked me if I, too, am "making a box for Percy".

Sadly, no. Mama isn't "making a box for Percy". By the time you hit 37, people expect you to do things without rewards. But we'll hold off on that lesson for a few dozen years.

You're just awesome, Little Man. I can't get enough of you.

I love you,
Mama

Stopped Short

2011-01-13T22:29:00.002-07:00

Dear Miss Jess,
Yesterday I was driving home from work and thinking about what had happened in Haiti a short year ago. I was remembering the images that came over the news and the fear that came as we realized how thorough and complete the devastation was.

I was thinking about all the prayers and hoping and pleading and miracles that occurred to get your brother and the other children home. I was thinking about the ache when we realized that you wouldn't be coming home.

A car pulled in front of me just then. In the back window was a bumper sticker across the back window that said "Pray4Jessica".

And my heart broke all over again.

"I do," I thought. I pray for you every day.

I'm not alone.

After I posted about you a few weeks ago, I had a lot of people send me very special messages that reminded me again what a powerful, beautiful, wonderful soul you are. You have touched and changed lives and you continue to do so.

I thought I'd share some of them with you. I know you'll never see this. But it makes me feel better to pretend that you do.

M says:
"I thought maybe it was time to share with you that N prays for Jessica every single night. Even if I forget in the turmoil of getting the girls to go to bed, she does not, and she always asks me to pray for her. Since the news showed the cholera epidemic, she has added a special rider concerning that to her prayer. She does NOT want Jessica to have cholera. It both fills me with joy and breaks my heart at the same time that she has such faith and remembers Jess so fondly."

T&T say:
" I feel extreme 'survivor guilt' in reference to Jessica. It's like a part of me feels guilty for being happy because so much of me is sad that she's not with you and if I let the sunshine fill my whole body then I will in some way be betraying her....I can tell you in all honesty that I, personally, pray for Jessica each day. I pray for the Lord's will to be done. I pray that He will heal that empty part of your heart. And as we get ready to mark the anniversary of the earthquake I pray that He will relieve the suffering of his people by strengthening our hands and our backs -- by touching the hearts of those that have the means & minds to truly make things happen. I know He can. I know it."

K says:
"Nathan and Jessica have put a face to Haiti and helped me realize life’s struggles and many blessings... I pray that this is the year that real change happens! Not just in Haiti, but for all struggling countries, states, cities, families, and people. I pray that life’s blessing outshine its struggles. I pray that the joy Nathan feels every morning when he wakes up next to his Mama, is joy that hundreds more Haitian babies will feel this year."

R&R said:
"Jessica is missed by all who met her"

M says:
"Jess weighs heavy on my heart, the people of Haiti weigh heavy on my heart and we do not do enough. We pray for little Jess and Haiti daily, we pray that Harry will have the strength to face everyday with courage."

Aunt TiTi says that Collin prays for you every night as well.

I find myself wondering what the future will hold for both of us, Miss Jess.

I think of you so often and I'm so glad I had you in my life. I will always wonder why we lost you and Malot and Lexi. Why only Nathan was allowed to come home.

I love you, Miss Jess. I always will.
Lori

In a Moment

2011-01-12T09:07:00.001-07:00

Dear Nathan,
A year ago today, you woke up in your orphanage, like you had done for as long as you could remember.

A year ago today, you waited for food. I wonder if you had rice twice that day or if it was just once. You didn't always get more than a bowl of rice and beans.

I wonder if that was a day where you got two bowls full.

That day you would have been sitting in that tiny carport with the dozens and dozens of other children there. There was so little to do - not many toys, no place to run, no place to play. I've often wondered if all the days blended together. When it's always warm and you only have one season (to speak of) I imagine that sometimes life seems like one big day.

And yet that day was not just another day.

At 4:53 PM the earth moved and the buildings fell and the people started screaming. In a moment, your orphanage collapsed. We heard later that the aunties who were in the building just start throwing the children in the building out through the door. Somehow they knew it was coming down and that inside was the least safe place to be at that moment. God bless them, because all of the children in your orphanage survived the building collapse.

I wonder so often how terrified you were, Little Man.

We were told that the aunties just took the children they could grab and ran for safety. I don't know where you went or what condition you were in while you were away. I've often wondered if you were fed in the ensuing days.

Because it was days until you were where you should be again. It was actually 10 days later that you were brought to be with the rest of the children from your orphanage. By that time, your Papa was there and was able to smother you with love and make sure you were fed. And in a moment you were part of a family again and would never, ever leave them again.

Some of the older children from your orphanage have finally started to talk about what they've endured and the heartache that caused them to be orphaned in the first place. We'll never know what you went through and in some ways it might be easier for you because of that.

For the rest of us, we can't forget Haiti. We mustn't forget her and her people and the mess that they're still in every day of their lives.

Haiti doesn't get someone to swoop her up in their arms and smother her with love and make sure her people eat.

We mustn't forget.

I love you.
Mama

Photo of the Year?

2011-01-04T21:08:00.001-07:00

Dear Nate,
The local paper printed their "photos of the year" for 2010 today.

http://www.heraldextra.com/app/2010photos/?photo=17

Just so you know, the one of you making out with the dog made their list.

I can't wait to blackmail you with that some day.

I love you,
Mama

2011-01-03T21:21:00.004-07:00

Dear Nate,

Mama likes to ask you random questions to see what you'll see. Sometimes I ask you if you like asparagus, even though I know you have no idea what that means. Or I'll ask you if you have a purple nose or if you like the Seahawks better than the Steelers.

I also like to ask you if your name is something strange. I'll ask you if your name is Hephzibah McGillicudy, for example. Or Dwayne Smarkinsky. Or Eugene Parsnip. Whatever strange-sounding names or words come into my head. Just to see what you'll do.

You're used to it. You know your Mama is silly.

The other night we heard the garage door open, signalling that Daddy was home.

I asked you who was home and you said, "Daddy". I said, "Nathan's daddy or Divot's daddy?" (Divot's our dog).

You said, "Divot's daddy" (and I could tell by the look in your eye that you were on to me - you knew that I was being silly).

Then I said, 'What's Divot's daddy's name?"

You did this funny thing with your eyebrows (that seemed to say, "Wait for it...") and then you proudly pronounced, "Felix!" and then you started laughing your head off because you knew you'd just played my own game back at me, and that you'd done it well.

I have no idea where "Felix" came from, but it is a pretty strange sounding name. Good job, son!

We laughed and laughed at how silly you were. You were so proud of yourself that you spent the rest of your night running around the house yelling, "Felix! Felix!" and laughing proudly.

I'm so happy to see your sense of humor beginning to develop, Little Man. Nothing in Haiti is funny. It's hard to be wacky when you're starving to death.

So here, in this safe place, you're blossoming. You're stretching your mind and you're discovering imagination and you're learning that the world has words like "pretend" and "playing" and "silly" and "more, please".

You're even branching out into wacky.

And I love every minute of it.

I love you, Felix.
Mama

Nathan's First Christmas

2010-12-26T19:48:00.001-07:00

Dear Sweetness,
It was so fun to see you enjoy your first Christmas.

On Christmas Eve morning, I was snuggling with you on the floor in front of the tree and I said, "Today is Christmas Eve. What does that mean?" and you said, "1 more sleeps 'til Santa comes with toys for Nathan".

Christmas Eve afternoon, Aunt Titi and Collin came by. You got out some of your favorite toys and shared with Collin (although it did require some coaxing to get you to "take turns" with Collin). Mama told you that you were a good boy to share.

You've been a bit sick and so you're out of sorts if Mama doesn't stay right on top of your Tylenol. Around bedtime, you were completely beside yourself - kicking and biting and yelling, "I not go bed".

In an exasperated, not so good Mommy moment I resorted to threats and said, "Well, if you're not asleep then Santa can't come. Maybe he'll have to take your toys somewhere else."

Your eyes got hugely wide and you said, "But Mama... I take-a-turns wit Tollin!"

Good point... that must count for SOMETHING.

First thing the next morning, before your eyes were fully awake you said to me, "Mama, I take-a-turns wit Tollin, huh?" You wanted to be sure that was going to outweigh the complete hissy-fit you'd had. You sweet, sweet little boy.

Sure enough, there were presents under the tree. We took our time and let you enjoy. (You're not smiling in the pictures but trust me, you had a blast!)

You would have been happy with one present. You were pretty overwhelmed with more than one present. But Mama and Daddy have some missed Christmases to make up for, so you got more than one present.

I love you, Sweetness.

Thank you for making all merry and bright.
Mama

Team Hope Book Update

2010-12-26T19:03:00.001-07:00

Hi, kids,
For those of you that care, I'm working on the Team Hope book.

The pricing with blurb.com is such that I'm editing right now to try to cut it back to a reasonable amount. I ended up with 200 pages and that's nearly $50 per book! I've looked around at other options and there don't seem to be a lot of choices for "self-published" books with full color photos.

With blurb.com if you want a copy you can order one. I don't have to take orders and deal with all that jazz. And if you want hard cover you can do that and pay more - they take care of that.

I'm trying to get it down to under 160 pages (which is $39.95 for a soft cover 8 X 10). Still a lot, but this is literally a once in a lifetime event. (and all the money goes to blurb.com. This isn't a fundraiser, if you were wondering)

I've taken articles and images from the Team Hope blog and added some pictures from Chareyl. I'm trying to keep enough in there to capture what we were going through back home - not knowing what was happening with our children - and still tell the story of our friends like Harry and Guesno. Hopefully it will be something you'll treasure.

Hope to have it ready to order soon.
Lori

Happy Christmas... War Is Over Now

2010-12-25T21:14:00.003-07:00

Merry First Christmas to Nathan and the ~1,100 other Haitian children that came home after the earthquake this January!

We know now, from one of the older children, that the kids (at least at our orphanage) were told that "Santa doesn't like Haitians". That's how they explained why there was never a Christmas to the older children. These children never left the orphanage themselves but they are SMART kids and I'm sure picked up from the conversations of the adults that it was Christmas outside that concrete wall that blocked them from the rest of the world. I'm sure they asked what this "Christmas" was and what it meant for them. And, just as adults here in America use the story of Santa to add mystery and magic to the season, the adults in Haiti use the story of Santa to explain why there is no magic and mystery for them or their children. These kids were essentially told that because of who they were, things could never be wonderful or magical for them.

I know, I know - it's a horrible thing to say to a child, but at the same time, I don't know how one explains to a child why everything in their life was difficult. I'm also sure that many, many times they feel that God, Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the government, and their own parents hate them. I don't know how else you reconcile the extreme "have nots" in daily life when you're dealing with THAT level of poverty.

Since our first trip to Haiti nearly 3 years ago I've wondered many times exactly how it is that I was born in America and have anything, can be anything, can buy anything, can dream and do anything I want while my brothers and sisters in Haiti and elsewhere in the world have to fight for every crust of bread.

Can you really have dreams for tomorrow when every day seem the same as the one before?

So for these children I say, as the song does, "Happy Christmas.... war is over now".

God bless America, families, and water you don't have to boil.

Angels Among Us

2010-12-24T11:23:00.003-07:00

My Dear Miss Jess,

I miss you more right now than I have in all the gaping, missing heartaches I've had since you didn't get to come home. You should be here with Nathan, being so excited that you have "one more sleeps" until Santa comes to bring you toys. You should be marveling at the magic that suddenly comes this time of year and dusts the world with lights and scents and wonder.

I wonder so often why we both had to go through this - why we were led to you when we didn't get to keep each other. I wonder if you remember us like we remember you. I wonder if your heart aches, wondering why you're still in a situation where you don't get food regularly and you're not safe.

I haven't really posted about you since we found out that you weren't coming home. Daddy tried again to find you in June when we went down and Harry tried again at the end of July. We did hear at the first of the month that you're sick and in Haiti's version of the hospital. I worry, I pray, I wonder.

It seems like you were an angel in our lives... a bright, happy, singing spot of joy that danced across our lives and hearts and then passed by like a comet that only comes every 1000 years and then disappears forever.

We've had tight finances for Bel Haiti this year. It's a hard economy and it's hard for people to donate. We're scraping the bottom of the barrel for the org right now.

When I chatted with Harry earlier this week, he said they needed money. Haiti always needs money. Sometimes it seems like there will never be enough and that no matter what we try it will never be enough. Harry was trying to explain how he knows that we're busy with work and things here in America. Sometimes things are a bit rough in translation. The way it came out he said, 'I know you forget about us because you're more important than us."

That broke my heart. I know that's not how he meant it. I know that he knows we love him. But on some level, he's right. I don't do enough. I get too busy in my day-to-day and days will go by when I haven't tried to do anything for Haiti.

This week, my dear friend asked me if I'd received his Christmas present. He said he'd made a donation to Bel Haiti. When I checked the paypal account for the org, I found that he'd sent a overwhelming sum of money. The note on it? It said, "For Jess, with prayers of comfort".

My friend told me that, even though he's not a praying man, he still says a prayer for you every day, Miss Jess. You changed my life. You changed others' lives. You remind me of all that's good in the world.

Maybe that's why we needed you. Why we lost you. So that the children left behind in Haiti would have a name, a face, a personality. So I'd be able to remember that we do this for you. For Harry. For Nathan's birth mom.

I miss you today. I miss you every day. I wish I was your Mama and I wish you were home. Instead I pray for your comfort, your health and your future.

I love you.
Lori

Smosh It

2010-12-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

My Dear Baby Boy,
We live about a block from our church.

Yesterday it took the two of us about 20 minutes to walk home. Even though it was raining. And even though it was only a block.

You were so excited to find every little spot of snow that the rain hadn't yet melted and "smosh it". You'd find one and raise your foot over it and then look up at me and say, "Mama, I smosh it!" and then delightedly stomp on the snow.

There was also a small child crying during church. You turned to me and said, 'They not listen to their mother." I'm so proud of you for realizing that it's good to listen to mommies.

This evening you finally caught on to what I've been telling you about Santa bringing you presents. You said, "Santa bring me TOYS? Santa bring Nathan choo-choos?"

I happen to have it on very good authority that yes, dear Nathan, Santa has a choo-choo for you.

You said that Mama should ask Santa for a train, too. You said, "Mama need train too." I love it when you say, "Mama, come play with me" and then we zoom your cars around or chase each other or color.

I told you it was just "a few more sleeps" until Christmas and you thought that was pretty cool. It's so fun to see that you're finally excited about this tradition that has thrilled me my whole life.

I love you, Little Man. Thank you for bringing the magic to Christmas this year.

Love,
Mama

When Skies Are Grape...

2010-12-16T22:08:00.001-07:00

My dearest Little Man,

You delight me every day.

Today you wanted to "stay with Mama". I told you that Mama had to go to work and I said, "So what does that mean for Nathan?"

You sighed, resigned, and said, "I know... Nathan haffa go work at Jessie's" (that's his day care lady).

You sweet, sweet, little boy.

You've made up some of your own words. For some reason, Divot (our Jack Russell) is a "Poh-la" and you think that's HILARIOUS. You chase him around the house, yelling, "Stop, Poh-la!" and laughing your head off like a Munchkin on laughing gas. Only Divot is a Poh-la - no one and nothing else - and Collin also thinks it's hysterically funny.

Sometimes I wonder if you're both cursing in Kreyol and wickedly giggling that we'll never be the wiser.

You also have decided that BobbyJones (our whippet) is a "Poke-lynn" (no idea what either of these mean, but they don't seem to be tied to anything I can find in Kreyol).

If you're having one of those toddler moments where your warp drive goes into meltdown and you're sobbing hysterically, I can usually distract you and get the tears to stop by asking you where your "Poh-la" is. Your eyes get wide, and you stop and think, and then you say, "Poh-la? Where Poh-la?" and all is again right in your world.

(And bless Divot's little neurotic heart for putting up with all the chasing and random "Poh-la" yelling.)

Tonight, we were reading "The Polar Express" together. You love the trains in it. You're so excited to see the trains in the pictures. When we get to the point in the book where the little boy is sad because he's lost his gift, you say, "Oh no! What wrong? He loss hims bell?" and then you turn to the last page of the book (where there's a picture of the bell) and you happily proclaim, "There it is!"

We never seem to read the pages between the "sad boy" and the "there it is!" and I think it's awesome that you're so concerned about the little boy being sad.

I'm still trying to get you to be excited about Santa. Tonight when we got to the page in the book where there is a picture of Santa, I asked you who that was and you said, "Santa Clock".

Close enough....

It was a sweet reminder that you're still trying to figure out some of the things we're saying, just like I'm trying to figure out what a "Poh-la" is.

Later tonight, we were singing together and you happily sang, "You make me happ-EE when skies are GRAPE.... Please don't take my sunshine A WAVE."

I couldn't have said it better, Little Man. Thank you for being my sunshine, my Sweetness, my happy thought, my son.

You do bring me joy... even when the skies are grape.

I love you, son.
Mama

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself...

2010-12-14T07:58:00.002-07:00

Dear Nathan,
The other day you had a sore throat. Mama couldn't feel swollen glands, but you were holding your spit in your mouth. I asked you what was wrong and you said, 'Mama, my swallow's broken".

Oh, Sweetness. I know the feeling.

Glad you're feeling better.
Love, Mama

Hey, Look!

2010-12-13T07:52:00.001-07:00

Dear Nathan,
I've been trying to get you excited about all the sights and sounds and traditions of Christmas.

You can't figure out why we suddenly have a large tree in the living room. For the first couple of weeks, each time we turned on the lights you'd say, "Mama! I think I scared!"

You're not too sure about why anyone should have to endure snow. You are kind of baffled by Frosty the Snowman. And so far you could not care less about Santa.

Although, the other day there was a catalog on the counter that had a picture of good ol' Saint Nick on the cover and you said, 'Look, Mama! It dat guy!"

Yes, sweetheart. "It dat guy".

One step at a time, I guess. One step at a time.

Love,
Mama

Mr. Hoity Toity

2010-12-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Nathan,
You love to play and the longer you're home, the more creative you get with your play. You love to pretend to fly like a dragon and you love it when other things have "wings".

The other day you figured out that you could take a part off of one toy and push them into the sides of your "Thomas the Tank Engine" and it would KINDA be like Thomas had wings.

I thought it was so cute that I asked you to show me how Thomas had wings so I could take a picture. This is the look you gave me:

I don't think I've ever seen a more "hoity-toity" look on a three year old. It's like "Professor Nathan will now present his flying train".

I love you , Little Man. Thank you for always making me laugh.

Mama

Don't Need Anything

2010-11-25T23:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Nathan,
We had your first Thanksgiving today at Uncle Brian and Aunt Kim's. You had fun just running around, doing your Nathan thing.

Mama made the mistake of putting gravy on your "masha-tatoes". This caused a slight meltdown (did I mention you didn't nap today?) and you were insistent that I get you "different masha-tatoes". You were so miffed, you even climbed off your stool and started for the front door to go get "different masha-tatoes". Your determination is inspiring, Son.

We resolved the Great "Masha-tatoes" Incident of 2010 and you thoroughly enjoyed the rest of your day.

I think this was your first introduction to "pie", which may be one of the most beautiful words in the English language. You were quite impressed and I so enjoyed watching you delight in your pie. Don't worry. There's more were those came from.

You've changed every thing in my life and I couldn't be more grateful. As I type this, you're snuggled up next to me on my bed, sleeping soundly. I'm so happy to be your Mama, Little Man. I have loved to learn about the world all over again through your eyes these last 10 months.

I've been working on making a book for you and your friends from the O, outlining all the things that happened to get you home. I've been putting it off, but I figured I'd better get it off to the publishers before Christmas. Now that you're home, it's so easy for me to forget what we went through to get you onto this soil. Working on this book this weekend has been a good reminder of all I have to be grateful for.

My thoughts today are also turned to our friends still in Haiti. The ones who didn't get to come to a place with pie and beds and Mamas. As I've been assembling this book, I'm looking at the pictures from the news articles we've gathered about the earthquake, and I marvel that anyone is still surviving in that country. The destruction is horrifying and I'd bet if I were to go there right now circumstances would not be much different than they were 10 months ago.

I'm thinking about Harry today, and how dependent he is on us to get that new orphanage built. Mama needs to get going on fundraising as Bel Haiti's reserves are pretty drained and Harry still needs money to survive. We also still need funds to build the new facility. (They're working on the excavation for the wall right now - but since it's a wall around all 8 acres, that's quite a project.)

We're so blessed, Sweetheart. We had so many years waiting for you to come into our lives and now you're finally here. We can give back to help those that still have cause to mourn.

We don't need anything that we don't have, you and I. We have a house and heat and electricity and water and beds and sewage and roads that are maintained and mail delivery and grocery stores and income and opportunity. We have pie. We have hope. We have a bright future.

And really, that means we have it all.

I love you,
Mama

Movie Critic

2010-11-22T20:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Nathan,
I am snuggled up next to you right now, watching "Monsters, Inc". Every time one of the "bad guys" comes on the screen, you say, "Mama, it's a bad guy?"

I say, "Yes, it is."

And then you say, "That not very nice. He not listen to his mother. He need timeout."

And I agree with you wholeheartedly. Bad guys don't listen to their mommies. And they do need timeout.

Then the scene changes and you can see the next bad guy and you ask the question again. It's adorable and I want to squeeze your cheeks.

You're also eating Cheerios out of the bag because you realized, when you saw Boo eating cereal, that we had some just like it and you had to get them. You call them "Cereals", which is pretty much what "Cheerios" sounds like.

You just put one in my mouth and said, "Want one, Mama? You're welcome."

Thank you for trying to listen to your mother. And thank you for making me a mommy.

I love you, Little Man.
Mama

Sweetness

2010-11-21T08:09:00.002-07:00

Dear Nate,
One day this last week, Mama didn't get out the door to work until you and Daddy were leaving. You walked out the garage door with Daddy. I heard the door close as I gathered my bags. Then I heard the garage door open again.

When I looked up, there was your sweet face poking around the door. You said, "Hey, Mama... jew wanna go wit me?", inviting me to come with you today and to play with you.

You sweet, sweet boy. There's nothing Mama would like more than to play with you all day. Sometimes things don't work out the way we want. (If you've read this blog - A LOT OF TIMES things don't work out the way we want!)

I love to snuggle with you at night and in the morning. Sometimes we talk about what animals you like and what color they are and where they live. We play a game where I ask you what color something is and then you point at something (in the dark room) and ask Mama, "what color dat?" and Mama has to guess what you're pointing at and tell you what color it is.

You get your colors correct about 86.5% of the time now. It's so fun to see you learning and comfortable with your new knowledge.

In Haiti, as soon as it was dark all the children were expected to go to sleep. (I typed "go to bed" and then had to correct myself. There were 68 children in that tiny little house and only 3 bunk beds. I think you slept on the tile most of the time. I don't think you'll ever remember, so I'll never know for sure what you went through.)

Anyway, the time has changed and it gets darker now. The first time you realized that it was pretty much "nite-nite" when Mama picked you up from the sitter's, you were very concerned.

You said, "Mama, it nite-nite?"

And I said, 'It's nightTIME. It's dark, isn't it?"

And you said, "Mama, Nathan not go nite-nite. Nathan not. Nathan NOT go nite-nite."

I tried not to laugh as I explained that it wasn't time for nite-nite, but the sun had gone to sleep. It was, after all, only 5:30 and we still had to go home and eat and play and read books.

You were mollified.

And then Mama remembered what the nite-nite meant for you in Haiti. I was grateful again that I'll be the one to tuck you in from now until.... well... until you no longer want your Mama to tuck you in.

Maybe we can put that off until you're 25 or so.... what do you think?

I love you, Sweetness.
Mama

Thoughts on Food

2010-11-20T09:09:00.001-07:00

Dear Sweetness,
I love to watch you eat.

For the first 2+ years of your life, food was neither plentiful nor varied. You had rice and beans and some chicken. If you were lucky, you got it twice per day. Most days you weren't that lucky.

You still eat with your hands quite often. Mama doesn't push it because you're still so "young" in the "eating lots of things" department. I love it when you get something all over your hands, and then you stretch back in satisfaction and smear food in your hair in the process.

You should have had more of those days. You should have been born with those days.

Right now, your favorite foods are yogurt (preferably strawberry but definitely not blueberry) and "masha-tatoes".

Today I was giving you some "masha-tatoes" with all the fixings and you started to scoop some onto a plate that was next to you. I was just about ready to ask you to quit playing with your food when I heard you say, "One for Mama..." and then you turned back to your "masha-tatoes", took another big scoop and said, "One for Nathan" and chomped on it. What a sweet boy to think of sharing your favorite food.

You're still growing. The other night you woke up at about 11 PM and were crying that you wanted food. You were quite insistent, so I finally got up and nuked a frozen waffle for you. You ended up eating three, there in the middle of the night. Apparently dinner doesn't hold you over anymore.

I'm so grateful you're home and warm and fed and growing and happy.

I love you, Sweetness.
Mama

And You're Only Three...

2010-11-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

My dearest Nathan,
The other night, I picked you up from daycare. In the car on the way home, I asked you how your day was.

From the backseat, I heard, "Mama... Stop talking."

I said, "Nathan, we don't talk to Mama like that. Do you need a time-out?"

And you said?

"Mama... Nathan already IN the car seat" (in this tone of voice like, "what else are you going to do to me, woman??")

I have to keep reminding myself that you're only three. That means I'm in much, much bigger trouble down the road when you're, say... thirteen.

I also have to remind myself that it is that spunky spirit, that "100% feisty Haitian" attitude, that kept you alive in the orphanage. That determination, that fight.... that is what got you through that hell so that I could bring you home.

I'm so grateful you're a fighter, Sweetness.

I love you,
Mama

Make a Comment and Haitian Roots Gets $2!

2010-11-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

All,
This is a fabulous opportunity to raise money for our sister-organization. Bel Haiti is working with Haitian Roots to build the Children's Village described in this article.

Please take a moment, go to the link, read the article and make a comment. Make two comments if you have more than one valid email address.

Every dollar helps and we're so grateful to sixseeds.tv for giving Haitian Roots this opportunity!

Thanks,
Lori

Dear Friends of Haitian Roots,

A wonderful, non-profit organization called Six Seeds has made a very generous offer to help Haitian Roots. Six Seeds is dedicated to helping people and organizations do good things! They are featuring an article about Haitian Roots on their website and they will donate $2 to us for every comment left after the article! Each comment has to have a unique email address, but if you have more than one address, you can even comment more than once. Please take just a moment of your time to go to this article and leave us a comment by clicking here:

http://sixseeds.tv/s/content/adoption/660-from_haitian_roots

To learn more about Six Seeds, click here:

http://sixseeds.org/about/

Thanks so much!

Sincerely,

The Haitian Roots Team

P.S. Please pass this along to friends and family, post it to your facebook page, or onto your blog! Thanks!

You Can't Hide Your Dragon Eyes

2010-11-03T07:33:00.000-06:00

Did you catch me doing all that??

Of Course You Are

2010-11-02T18:37:00.000-06:00

Dear Nate,
We had a nice afternoon today for Nov 2nd. After dinner tonight we went outside so you could ride your trike.

You started making strange faces and movements with your hands.

I said, 'What are you doing, Nate?"

You told me you were a dragon riding a bike.

Of course you are. How did I miss that? Your delivery was perfect and I could really feel the anguish of the dragon, trying to steer but yearning to fly.

Or something.

I love you,
Mama

Look With Your Eyes, Not With Your Hands

2010-10-31T11:09:00.000-06:00

Dear Sweetness,
The other night we were snuggling together. You looked up at me and said, "Mama" as you stroked my cheek. Then you started patting my cheek and saying, "Just a minute.... just a minute".

I was watching you closely, trying to figure out what it was you meant.

That's when you jabbed your pinkie up my right nostril.

Yeah... I didn't see it coming either.

"Whoa!", I said, "What are you doing??"

"Mama," you said, 'I'm just looking... I'm just looking."

No, you're VIOLATING, that's what you're doing. :)

If your grandma were here, she'd tell you to look with your eyes, not with your hands. We might have to have a talk about that.

After I stop laughing.

I love you, Sweetness.
Mama

It Would Be Creepy if I Didn't Have a Toddler...

2010-10-28T10:03:00.001-06:00

Dear Son,
You might have an addiction.

It was darling when you asked for "masha-ta-toes" for breakfast this weekend. Both days.

It was very cute when you wanted them for dinner as well.

Then there was waking up this morning to a raw red potato on my nightstand.

It had bite marks in it.

And they weren't mine.

I, myself, have been known to order loaded mashed potatoes for BOTH of my sides at restaurant. If it is an addiction, you probably get it from my side of the family.

I've got the morning off from work anyway. How about we head out for a breakfast of hashbrowns, just the two of us?

We can ask for a side of mashed, if you want.

I love you,
Mama

P.S. Just wait until you see Thanksgiving!

It's My Tow-un!

2010-10-27T07:00:00.004-06:00

---Found this one in my drafts. Never got it posted quite.... Should have been posted at the end of August--

It's been busy 'round here at Casa de Nathan. A week ago we had Nathan's first birthday party - for his third birthday. Papa grilled burgers and we had 40+ family members over for a little party.

Our house isn't really designed to hold that many, but we do have a 3 car garage space, where Brent's treated the floor so it isn't "concrete-dusty". Brent even installed some big fans in the garage to try to keep Nathan's guests cool. Hopefully everyone had a good time.

Nathan had a "fun-yata" as he kept calling the "pinata". I think I like that name better, anyway! I love to hear him say it's "his tow-un" ("turn") to do something

All Nate's cousins came. Thank you everyone for supporting us!

Our camera batteries died, so I'm stealing some of these pictures from my sister-in-law's blog.

Halloween Preview

2010-10-26T21:07:00.000-06:00

Dear Nathan,
Your sweet Auntie Chris realized that you'd probably be a little freaked out by the whole "costume extravaganza" coming up this weekend, so she had a family Halloween party last weekend for you to get used to people dressing funny in a safe surrounding.

You looked pretty sharp, if I do say so myself. Daddy picked out your costume.

You hated Momma in a costume with the fires of 1000 suns. I didn't wear it very long (or put the wig on very well) because you were very unhappy with the whole idea of Mama not looking like Mama.

You had fun with your cousins, though, and loved all the fun treats Chris had made. And you loved playing on their staircase... particularly laying at the top and pretending you were Toothless the Dragon.

Although for some random reason you started yelling "We quit, Mr. One Man Show" (which is a line from Cars) at all the other kids. I never did figure out what that must mean to you.

Thanks for a fun afternoon, Auntie Chris (and for the pictures I stole from your FB just now...)

I love sharing these new experiences with you, Nathan.
I love you,
Mama

Toofless

2010-10-26T08:08:00.009-06:00

Dear Nathan,
"How to Train Your Dragon" is your current favorite movie.

You like to pretend that you ARE a dragon. It's very cute to watch you go into "dragon mode". You crawl around on all four, you narrow your eyes like you're trying to hunt something and you curl your fingers under to be claws. And you roar to the best of your ability.

I'm always amazed at the details you find in things.

I'm pretty much in love with the way you say the name of your favorite dragon, "Toothless":

I'm grateful every day to be your Mama.

I love you,
Mama

Rodent Response

2010-10-25T20:38:00.001-06:00

Dear Nathan,
I love that when I told you something "would make a mess" you thought I said it "would Mickey Mouse" and were VERY excited to try it.

It's a good reminder of your sweet little Kreyol accent because "meka mess" is how you pronounce "Mickey Mouse" right now.

I love you,
Mama

What Are You Doing, Sweetness?

2010-10-18T20:39:00.000-06:00

I saw Nathan doing this tonight:

I asked him what he was doing and he said....

"I'm listening for Daddy".

Daddy hadn't come home from work yet, so he was listening for his truck.

I know... makes you want to just eat him up, doesn't it??

Dear Nathan

2010-10-16T10:03:00.002-06:00

You've been home for 260 days now and our lives with never, thankfully, be the same.

You turned 3 in August. We had family over for your party and you had a "fun-yata" (as you called your pinata). We'd managed to mostly avoid candy up to that point and now you talk about it quite a bit. I can't wait until you have your first Halloween in a couple of weeks.

You came home at 22-24 lbs and now you're at about 30 lbs. You've grown an amazing 4 1/2 inches since you've been here. Mama was right... sometimes you do get taller overnight. It's amazing what proper nutrition will do. You've also blown thrown 3 shoe sizes. If you grown into your feet as an teen, you'll eat us out of house and home. And I'll love every minute of it.

I'm constantly amazed at you.

Just the last few weeks your language skills have skyrocketed. The other day, for example, I had picked you up from daycare and we had stopped at a street light. You were in the car seat in the back. I was trying to ask you how your day went. "Did you have fun today, Nate? Did you play? What did you do?" You were looking out the window and seemed not to be listening. I kept trying, "Nate? Nathan? Did you have a good day? Nate? Did you have fun?" Finally, you turned and looked at me and in your most exasperated voice you said, "Ma! I'm lookin' at the trucks!!" and went back to the looking out the window. The "Woman! Can you not see I'm BUSY" in your voice made me laugh so hard. It's a good thing we weren't driving at the time, I guess.

Why is it always THOSE moments when your English is perfect?

I'm so grateful you're home, Little Man. And so happy to be your Mama.

I love you,
Mama

The Good, the Bad, and the Funny....

2010-08-15T21:59:00.002-06:00

It's been a bit since I've posted. Sometimes it is hard to want to share what's going on.

Thank you to whomever anonymously posted the comment about that org that had taken Jess's picture off our blog and posted her as the lead-in to their "Adopt a Haitian Orphan" program. It took a few phone calls, but they did take it down. Thank you for the alert.

In other Jess news... We finally got someone to go back out to where she lives. Long story short - she's not coming home. Once again, the birth father wouldn't let them see her. Our friends in Haiti left a letter from us with a bunch of pictures of us and Jess over the year and a half that we thought she was going to be our daughter. Harry tells us to continue to pray - and we do continue to pray, but that she's happy and healthy and safe. We're not praying that she comes home anymore because it would appear this isn't to be her home.

I have no idea why we have been through what we've been through, or why Jess is being left in the situation she's in (because we've been told some not good things about her birth father - besides the fact that he wanted to sell her to us), but it's not in our hands. We have to trust that the Lord never cheats anyone and continue to move forward.

And yes, I wish we'd broken the law and bought her from him and no, we won't be trying to adopt another child. I just can't do this anymore.

There's so little in my life that has turned out the way I thought they would.

I guess Nathan will be an only child.

No one likes to read downer posts, so how about some funny Nathan stories, huh???
__________
In Nathan's world, all insects can be classified as either "ply" or "ladybug". Several days ago he told me he ate a ladybug. I kept telling him that he didn't eat a ladybug, but he kept talking about it for a few days. He insisted that he ate a ladybug and that it was "yucky". He DOES have a vivid imagination - he told me there were elephants in our trees the other day. Anyway - later in the week, I was standing in the kitchen while he was eating his yogurt for breakfast. I watched him take a spoonful that had a nice, big blueberry in it. He put it in his mouth and then started to fake gag and cough and, while pointing at his mouth, said, "ladybug!". Ahh.... so THAT'S what it is.

He gets that from my side of the family. My brother doesn't like any kind of cooked fruit and my sister would eat fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt, but only if it wasn't stirred and only down to where the fruit was.
__________
Last Sunday Nathan came to me with great big tears streaming down his face. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that the cars he was playing with weren't being nice to each other and he wanted me to put them on timeout. Bless his sweet heart for completely not getting the "you're in charge" part of "imagination"!

I did have a little chat with the two offenders and we put them on "timeout" and Nathan made them say they were sorry to the other cars when he decided they were done with timeout.

He's such a sweet, sweet boy.

I guess I'm glad that timeout it the worst thing in his world now. It's a good feeling.

________
And finally, I never thought I'd have to edit words on my blog, but here's a story that will need censoring so that my blog doesn't get blocked by filters. Not because it's inappropriate, mind you - it just uses one of "those" words.

I believe that nicknames are great for people and pets, but body parts should be called what they are. No need to seem like you're ashamed of what God gave you, in my opinion. That means my son knows that he has a pen*s and he knows that's what it is called.

He's fascinated with his anatomy. Apparently, when you're two, the world is filled with pen*ses. He sees them everywhere! Like the other day, we were watching "Bambi" and the first time the baby deer stood up and tried to walk and you could see his little tail hanging down, Nathan announced that was the baby deer's pen*s.

Goodness, child...

But that's not the best one.

Nathan loves my hair. He's always running his fingers through it. He does that while he falls asleep and I think it's adorable.

I tend to pull my hair back in a ponytail a lot. You guessed it... I picked him up the other day and he immediately reached around my head to start playing with my hair (which was in a ponytail) and he announced, "Mama's pen*s".

Sweet friend... dangling doesn't make something a pen*s!

Do they grow out of this phase?? Can't wait until he announces that one at church!!

I've Been Waiting for This Moment for All My Life...

2010-07-20T19:25:00.000-06:00

I know... I didn't see the Phil Collins coming either, but what are you going to do?

As of July 19, 2010, Nathan Brent Rosenlof is official!

Here we are with Grandma Rosenlof, Grandma and Grandpa Olson and Judge Laycock!

Judge Laycock was very funny. She wanted to make sure we knew that once she signed the papers, it was done. She said if we changed our minds when he turned 16, she would be retired and "there would be no one to help us".

When she read the official declaration, she said she was granting him all rights, privileges, etc including "inheritance, if there's any money left by the time you die"....

She also admitted that we were lucky that these things didn't happen before a jury because Nathan's so cute one of the jurors might try to run off with him.

Forever, Little Man! I'm your Mama forever.

You're stuck with us now.

And I don't know if anything's ever made me happier!

Things That Make Me Smile

2010-07-17T10:34:00.001-06:00

Brent has this supplement that's supposed to give you a full day's nutrition from vegetables or something. It supposedly has a "New Green Apple Flavor" but I think it tastes like DEATH.

He mixed some up the other day and of course, Nathan wanted some because he always wants what you have. Brent put a bit in a cup and Nathan eagerly slurped it down.

Then he made a face and said, 'That's TERRIBLE".

The only time we've heard him use that word but it was CLASSIC!
____________

I have this firm foam roller that I use to stretch my back. It's about the same length as Nathan and 6-8 inches across, maybe.
I usually use it after Nathan's asleep.

The other day he and I were in my room at the same time. I arched my back, put my lower hand on my back and said to myself, "Man, my back is killing me."

From across the room I heard, "Nathan get it!" He ran to where I store the roller, pulled it out (even though it's the same size as him) and laid it on the floor. Then he patted it and said, "For Mama... Right here."

I think I cried just a little bit at how completely sweet and lovely my little boy is.
___________

Nathan's Nursery leaders sing different songs than I do. The other day after Church I heard him singing to himself, "E-I-E-I-Nathan!"

(He moved on to "E-I-E-I-Mommy" and "E-I-E-I-Grandma"... just that part. I"m not sure what the rest of the song is for him... )

____________
And finally... my mom sent me this link the other day.

http://catalogliving.tumblr.com/

The author pretends that the pictures in catalogs are from a real house, inhabited by a couple named Gary and Elaine and she points out how completely ridiculous things would be if you actually tried to LIVE in the "perfect" house.

It's good for a laugh. Enjoy!

Belhaiti.org update, part II

2010-07-12T22:39:00.000-06:00

Added a little slideshow to the homepage.

Stop by and check it out, and sign the guest book while you're there.

The pictures of what has to be cleared off the land will make you grateful for whatever flower beds you might be responsible to weed in your own personal yard.

Bèlhaiti.org

2010-07-11T20:40:00.003-06:00

Well, we have a beginning site up for belhaiti.org. It's got all the generic pictures that came with our domain host's software, so we'll be updating and adding pictures of the land, the people, etc in the very near future.

Please swing by and sign the guestbook!

Then maybe I can figure out who actually reads this blog. :D

"My Perfect World Would Be a Whole Lot Perfecter if That Would Work"

2010-07-05T18:18:00.000-06:00

I actually heard someone say that the other day. It made me giggle. It also made me think of this sweet face:

It's never seemed right that Miss Jess wasn't home. There were too many miracles that brought us to her in the first place for it to just end with a man taking her and trying to sell her to us.

I received a very sweet letter from our dear friend, Shannon this week. Shannon is one of the founders of Haitian Roots. She was in Haiti on the last trip in June to see the property. She and Chareyl knew that we were hoping to find out SOMETHING about Jessica on that trip. She told me of a very sweet experience they had in Haiti.

She told me that at one of the Haitian Roots activities they had on this trip, Brent was introduced to a little girl in the HR program named Viviana and that Brent and Viviana just "fell in love with each other". (No, we're not adopting Viviana - that's not what this story is about).

She sent me these pictures of Brent with Viviana.

She said that it was just so sweet to watch them together.

Shannon said, "I've been praying for you guys and Jess a lot and going to Haiti I kept thinking, 'It is so sad that Jess can’t be with her family. But that’s Haiti. I truly hope that Brent and Lori can at least get some closure from this trip.'"

She said the day after they met Viviana, she was sitting at the restaurant with Brent. She said she'd been preparing to tell Brent that maybe it was time for the Rosenlofs to "move on" and let Jessica go. She was prepared to tell him that maybe the experience with Viviana had been a sign that there could be a different little girl out there for the Rosenlofs.

But what she experienced next wasn't what she'd expected.

"As I talked to him about how his little experience with Viviana seemed to be some kind of a message, I was seriously surprised and almost shocked at the waves of the Spirit that kept pouring over me and telling me, 'You were wrong before. Viviana’s love WAS a message. They can’t give up hope. They MUST have hope.' Even typing that, I am covered in goose bumps again."

She continued, "Why? What does it mean? I don’t know. I know I am not to receive revelation for you. Yet when there is truth, the Spirit will testify of it. What is that truth? Should you not give up because she IS STILL COMING TO YOU? I do NOT know. But I do know that you still need to have HOPE."

I agree with Shannon - I know that there have been so many miracles in this process that I couldn't have planned out the way things would turn out to get Nathan home. I know God knows the beginning, the end and everything in between. I know that the Spirit is the way the Lord helps us recognize truth, and I know that, through all this or whatever else life throws at us, we have to have HOPE.

The Lord never cheats anyone. That includes Miss Jess. That includes the man who has her right now. That includes us.

Do I know what's next for us or Jess? No. But I know we can keep praying for Miss Jess every day and hope that she can come home soon. And we can be ready for wherever and whatever the Lord has in store for us.

Songs from the Heart

2010-07-02T12:03:00.000-06:00

Some time ago, I posted a video of the little song Brent made up for Mr. Nathan.

Nathan still loves that song.

But Nathan's found his own variations.

Sometimes, he'll come up to me and sing, "Ki se bebe Mommy". And then he'll go through everyone he knows, including our dogs:

Ki se bebe Grandma,
Ki se bebe BobbyJones
Ki se bebe Daddy

You get the idea.

The words don't make sense - in Kreyol anyway. But it's Nathan's way of explaining that he knows that we, like that little song Papa made up for him, belong to him.

Sweet Email from Homeland Security

2010-06-25T11:50:00.005-06:00

I was just cleaning out my email and found this one that I'd saved. I want to put it in Nathan's book so I thought I'd post it here.

Angie is the person on the other end of the generic alias the government gave to all the families. I spoke to her and emailed her a lot during our saga getting the kids home earlier this year.

I thought this was very kind of her to send and it is a good reminder about how many people were touched by the events to get the children home from Haiti.

Received March 24, 2010

"Hi Lori,

I hope this message finds you all doing well and Nathan enjoying his newest adventures. I received your note and burst into tears when I saw his tiny handprint. Sometimes we get so focused on all the work of making phone calls, sending e-mails all day long, meeting after meeting that I actually lose sight of WHO the work is for. Nathan’s little hand is absolutely the best thank-you I’ve ever received! I proudly display it on the outside of my office (also with pictures of Fabrice) so that everyone on the team gets to share. Actually I know that your letter has been taken down several times and walked around to several offices here at USCIS headquarters in DC.

I’ve been meaning to write but things remain at the same frantic pace for us here – the team is still working 12 to 14 hour days to continue as many evacuations as we can. Earlier this month the Haitian government began requiring passports for all of the children before they can leave Haiti so that’s caused some additional scrambling for us and adds an additional burden for the parents anxiously waiting here in the U.S. All in all though the process is still working and it is a good sign that Haiti has recovered so much so quickly. [IBESR is also functional again.]

I just wanted to say hello, and let you know that even though you’re back home, you all are still in our thoughts.

Kindest regards,
Angie

Haitian Adoptions Team
U.S. Citizenship & Immigration Services
U.S. Department of Homeland Security"

Collin's Official

2010-06-24T10:32:00.000-06:00

Tuesday we went with TiTi and Collin to see Collin's adoption finalized.

I figured this was a once in a lifetime shot - Tia as an "Inmate"

Mr Collin has some serious ab muscles... particularly for a 2 year old!

ALL LEGAL!! Thank you Judge McDade

Amazing how tearful something so serious and formal can make you!

Congrats, Titi and Tollin!! We love you!